


Hello My Old Heart

by yalejosie



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jonny d'Ville and Nastya Rasputina are Siblings, fleshrora rights! - Freeform, post-Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27250519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yalejosie/pseuds/yalejosie
Summary: "There's a ghost in the machine. Who could it be?"In which Nastya returns from going Out, and her transformation from ghost to crewmate.
Relationships: Drumbot Brian & Nastya Rasputina
Comments: 227
Kudos: 144
Collections: Stowaways' Shenanigans





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this because of all the jokes in the fandom about Nastya going back In. Me, being the little angst rat that I am, decided to take this funny premise seriously. What would a post-Out Nastya recovery fic look like on the Aurora? I hope I can scratch that itch, and maybe reassure someone out there that things will be okay.
> 
> Title is from the wonderful song "Hello My Old Heart" by the Oh Hellos! Listen to it while reading this fic for maximum pain!

Jonny would insist that there was absolutely nothing wrong on the Aurora that day. Yes, Nastya had just airlocked herself, but that wasn’t the biggest deal to Jonny (and he would shoot someone if they said otherwise). Crewmates came and left the Aurora, but they always came back in the end. 

This fact  ~~ comforted ~~ reassured Jonny as he clambered up into the higher sections of the Aurora. He dutifully ignored the sounds Aurora was making, which sounded faintly like mechanical sobs. He was sure that it was just a glitch in her system. He would vehemently deny that his heart felt like it was breaking as well, with the familiar ticking of it feeling painful. 

Nastya would be back, he was sure of it. 

When Jonny made it back to the upper levels of the Aurora, he found Tim and Ashes playing cards. Deciding that ruining a game would be just the thing to cheer him up, Jonny walked over to the pair with a mischievous glint in his eye.  Worried thoughts about Nastya were shoved to the back of his mind. 

\---

The crew had noticed that something was up with Jonny. While he was usually moody, he'd been pacing the halls of the Aurora at a furious speed. He’d also been shooting the walls more than usual, as if he was trying to chase something away. What, exactly, eluded the crew. 

After long nights of hearing Jonny stomp around the ship while trying to get some goddamned sleep, the rest of the crew arranged a meeting in one of the smaller rooms in the lower levels of the ship. 

“Guys, what the fuck do you think’s up with Jonny?” Marius asked everyone as soon as he found the meeting place.

“No idea. That’s why we’re here, I s’pose” Ashes answered, taking a nonchalant drag of their cigar. 

Ashes, Tim, Brian, Raphaella, Ivy were sitting in a circle on the floor, looking deeply tired. They all hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. The Toy Soldier was there too, though it looked chipper as ever. 

“Okay, looks like everyone’s here” Ashes announced.

All the crewmates nodded their heads in agreement. It seemed everyone had been accounted for. 

“Wait, where’s Nastya?” Brian asked. 

Now that they all thought of it, no one had seen Nastya for weeks. This wasn’t unusual in and of itself. It was in her nature to spend most of her time in the Aurora’s more secretive spots, repairing things and spending time with her love. However, paired with Jonny’s mood, it was alarming. 

“When...when was the last time anyone saw Nastya?” Ivy asked, a hint of panic in her voice. 

“She usually deals with Jonny when he’s like this” Raphaella chimed in. 

Ashes paused for a moment before they spoke, their mind trying to formulate a plan. 

“Raph, Ivy, Brian, go to the navigation room and talk to Aurora. Ask her what’s up.”

The three of them gave a thumbs up, and hurried off to the navigation room in the higher decks. 

“Tim, Marius, go get Jonny. Use force if necessary”

Tim and Marius shot each other devilish grins at each other, and ran off in the direction of the armory. 

“TS, you and I are going to the engine room. Let’s go see if we can find our engineer.”

\---

It wasn’t easy to make it to the engine room of the Aurora. It was located at the heart of the ship, at the end of a spiraling staircase one could only find if they knew where it was. The beginning of the staircase was located after a series of twisting passages that, if one looked closely, seemed almost like veins in organization. Ashes, being the Backup Engineer, knew their way around the Aurora well. As such, they led themself and The Toy Soldier through the maze-like hallways.

Ashes walked in a quick clip towards the engine room, their boots echoing hollowly against the metal floor. The Toy Soldier marched behind Ashes in a peppy soldier’s step, its arms tucked by its sides. It was never able to shake off certain habits after being part of the army. 

The Toy Soldier looked over at Ashes, who had a grave look on their face. Ashes, despite being (ironically) much less hot headed than most of the crew, almost  _ never _ looked so serious. It was then that the gravity of the situation dawned on The Toy Soldier. 

“I Hope Nastya Is Okay” The Toy Soldier whispered to itself sadly. “I’d Be Awfully Sad If Anything Happened To Her.”

Ashes slowed down for a moment, looked at The Toy Soldier, and replied, “Me too, TS. Me too.”

\---

When Ashes and TS finally made it inside the engine room, it was completely dark and cold as ice. This was very disconcerting, as Aurora always kept the engine room warm and well lit for Nastya. 

Ashes approached the middle of the engine room, where one of Aurora’s main communication hubs was located. Carved above the controls was a little heart, along with Nastya’s initials. 

Ashes placed their hand on the console, and whispered to the Aurora. 

“Hey, Aurora? Ashes here. I’d really appreciate it if you could tell us where Nastya is.”

The Aurora was silent. None of her characteristic chirps or hisses could be heard. No message arched across the screen with Aurora’s signature typing quirks. Ashes was about to try again when The Toy Soldier tapped Ashes lightly on the shoulder.

“Ashes? I Found This In The Corner, Near Nastya’s Workbench”

The Toy Soldier handed Ashes a thick notebook. It had a black cover with the words “Instruction Manual” written across the top in Nastya’s signature scrawl. 

Ashes gingerly opened the book, and found a note addressed to them on the inside of the cover. It read:

  
  


_ Dear Ashes, _

_ If you have found this book, then you must know that I’ve gone Out. With my departure, you are now the Engineer of the ship. In this manual I have recorded everything you need to know to repair and maintain the ship. I know you will do an even better job than I did, Ashes. You are an incredibly capable person. I hope this letter finds you well. Goodbye. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Nastya _

  
  
  


As soon as Ashes read the letter, they let the book clatter to the ground. 

They whispered a mute, “No”, as tears started to gather in their eyes.

“Ashes? What Did The Letter Say?” The Toy Soldier asked timidly.

All Ashes responded with was, “Nastya is  _ gone _ . We have to go find the others.”

\---

When Ivy, Raphaella, and Brian made it to the engine room, the first thing they noticed was the silence. Usually, on the rare occasions that someone came in here, Aurora greeted them with a small welcome chirp or a message on the controls dashboard. Neither of those things happened, Aurora completely still as Ivy hooked up to her. 

“Aurora, have you seen Nastya?” Ivy asked politely. 

Aurora returned Ivy’s question with nothing but silence. Ivy asked again a few more times, with an increasing amount of pleading in her voice. After a fifth try with no answer, Ivy disconnected.

“There’s nothing...as far back as I can look in my data, she has never been silent like this.”

At that, Drumbot Brian decided to step forward. He’d piloted the ship for countless millennia, and as a result had the closest relationship to her besides Nastya. Ivy quietly stepped aside, and let Brian place his hand on the dashboard. 

“Aurora? Can you hear me? It’s Brian,” he softly whispered to her. “I don’t know what’s happening, but we’ll figure it out. I promise. But in order for us to help you, we need to know where Nastya is. We just want to make sure she’s okay.”

With that, the controls dashboard lit up with a radiant blue flash. Along with the flash, came the sounds of mechanical sobs. 

“Ivy! Plug in, and see what Aurora is saying.” Brian quickly ordered Ivy. Ivy nodded, and ran over to the controls dashboard. 

As Ivy listened to the Aurora, shock and anguish passed over her face. 

“Ivy, what happened?” Brain asked gently. 

“Nastya is gone.”

\---

Everyone had agreed to meet in the common room after completing their respective tasks. Ashes and Brian’s groups came into the room running, their faces alight with shock and sadness. 

Raphaella ran straight over to Ashes and The Toy Soldier, and immediately tried to tell them the news. 

“Ashes, TS, Nastya is-”

“Gone, we know, Raph” Ashes replied quietly.

The whole group came together onto the beat up couch, and sat together. 

It was rare for something to cause The Mechanisms to be truly speechless. They had all been around so long, there was little in the universe that could truly shock them. But the shock of losing one of the most senior crewmates, and their  _ friend _ , was enough to keep them all silent. 

Only one person piped up at all in the shocked and grieving silence. 

“Is There Anything We Can Do?” The Toy Soldier asked in the saddest voice anyone had ever heard from it. 

No one knew how to answer it.

As if the world had decided on the worst timing possible, Tim and Marius burst in the room laughing and high fiving. They dragged the dead body of Jonny D’Ville behind them, as if he was a conquered beast. Tim happily announced news of their exploits as he barged in. 

“Hey everyone! Jonny hunting was a success, though the bastard did  _ not _ go down eas-”

Tim cut himself off as soon as felt the oppressive silence of the room. 

“Woah. What’s going on?” Tim asked, bewilderment coloring his voice. 

“Nastya left” Ashes replied bitterly.

“So what? Big deal, we all leave sometimes. She’ll be back.”

“ _ No _ , she  _ won’t. _ Why would Aurora be crying if she was coming back?” Ashes shot back, venom in their voice. 

  
  


“Shit”

“ _ Fuck _ ”

Tim and Marius reacted to the revelation of Nastya’s departure with well timed expletives. As the news settled in, Tim’s face became clouded with anger.

“I bet the dead bastard here knows something about it. Probably why he’s been stomping around the ship like that beast Pellinore chased.”

Tim and Marius then walked over to the couch and sat quietly with the others, waiting for Jonny to wake up. 

\---

When Jonny woke up, the first thing he noticed was the silence. Even when the crewmates slept, it was never completely silent like this. This was the kind of silence that someone could cut with a butter knife. 

The second was the pain from his head. Jonny stood up blearily, clutching the back of his head. Tim and Marius had cornered him, and after a very drawn out chase shot him in the head. 

The third and most important thing was the crew’s faces. Based on their facial expressions, they all seemed incredibly upset about something. 

_ They don’t know, right? They couldn’t know.  _ Jonny thought to himself. 

As soon as everyone saw Jonny stand up, they all glared at him. Oh, they  _ definitely _ knew. Shit.

“Jonny, I know you have to know.” Ashes growled. 

Jonny, being his usual bastard self, replied cheekily with, “Know what?”

Ashes pinched the bridge of their nose, and replied, “Jonny, I would usually put up with your deflecting bullshit, but I just don’t have the time or energy. Just tell us what happened to Nastya.”

Jonny’s face went uncharacteristically pale. 

“So you do know....” Jonny replied, his voice starting to shake. 

“Yeah, we do. So tell us. Please.”

Jonny exploded, weeks of rage and suffering unleashing themselves.

“She fucking left, okay?! Out the fucking airlock! She just  _ fucking _ left, and said that the ship was practically  _ dead _ , and that she wasn’t coming back, and I JUST LET HER GO!”

  
  
  


Jonny wasn’t one to cry. He honestly hadn’t since that day back on New Texas, when he saw his father fall to the floor by his own bloody hand. 

However, Jonny hadn’t been counting on ever losing another family member again. 

The Mechanisms were also not ones for hugging Jonny. They all practiced casual affection with each other, millenia of travel together creating an intimacy that was hard to explain to an outsider. However, Jonny was always off limits, with anyone who tried to show him affection getting shot before the thought could cross their mind. The only one Jonny ever exchanged embraces with was Nastya. And right now, it was obvious Nastya couldn’t hug him. 

  
  


This moment was a moment of broken precedents. As such, as pained tears flowed from Jonny’s eyes, all the other crewmates slowly wrapped themselves around him. They all shared a hug, clutching to each other tight, reeling from the shock of the unspoken promise of never being separated from each other being broken. 

  
  


After another long, painful silence, The Toy Soldier piped up. 

“Jonny, What Are We Going To Do?”

Everyone stared intensely at Jonny, waiting on bated breath for his response. The crew of the Aurora never followed the orders of their first mate, but they would follow the order of someone Nastya considered a brother. 

“We’re going to find her.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mechanisms grieve, Brian finds an unexpected companion, and a wanderer is found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand we're back! I have no idea how to do beginning of chapter notes, but I believe in them! This was honestly super hard to write bc getting Brian's voice was Not Easy, but I'm pretty happy with it! I just think he deserves a friend!!!!!! (And that who he befriends doubly deserves a friend hee hee)

The Mechanism’s narratives rarely ended happily. That was just the nature of the types of stories they told and lived through. However, they were usually narratively satisfying. If nothing else, there was a conclusive tragedy, a definite death. 

But searching for Nastya wasn’t satisfying. While The Mechanisms, in hindsight, wish they could tell you that they searched with all their might until the very moment they found Nastya, that wouldn’t be true. They searched for her, of course. They traveled around every last part of the system the Aurora had been in when Nastya had gone Out. 

It had been named the Yggdrasil system, and the crew had gotten very sidetracked there while searching for Nastya. None of them could resist causing a bit of mischief. One heist in particular had resulted in Ivy, Raphaella, and Marius getting stuck in jail for sixty years. They’d even written an album about that star system’s tragic fate. However, they’d all left as soon as they caught word of The Ratatosk Express. 

This is how it went for a long time: arrive at a star system, search for Nastya for a few years, and then get sidetracked for some time by whatever trouble the crew found along the way. Soon, the crew got used to the cycle, and life went on. 

Of course, there was grieving. It was impossible to not feel a sorrow over a loss one should’ve never experienced. The Mechanisms weren’t supposed to lose people. Being immortal should’ve excluded you from loss, yet the crew had lost one of their own despite that belief. However, as all people inevitably find out, life moves on. Yes, there was sorrow. Jonny could never quite shake the ache from his chest after he saw Nastya leave. But he smiled all the same in the middle of a good ambush, a devil’s smile lighting up his features. Ashes never quite understood everything about being an engineer, and wished they could ask Nastya questions. But they did the best they could, in her honor. It was the least Ashes could do. Doing the best they could to honor Nastya’s memory was all that the crew of the starship Aurora could hope for.

\---

Brian dealt with Nastya’s departure very differently than most of the crew. It seemed appropriate that for most of the crew, their grief was explosive. It manifested itself in every trigger pulled, every planet burned to the ground. Brian, however, was not that type of person. His grief sat with him, tore at his edges like a serrated knife. He questioned his part in Nastya’s disappearance. Could he have helped her? Could he have prevented her leaving?

Brian spent hours in the navigation room, staring at the vast void of space. A long time ago, he too had floated amongst the stars. Brian wondered if Nastya had been in pain when she succumbed to the void of space, quicksilver blood freezing from the inside out. She had obviously been in great emotional distress, to have the will to make such a permanent decision. 

Brian usually sat in silence during those long hours in the navigation room, thoughts swirling. The silence was made even deeper by the Aurora. After the crew had properly found out that Nastya was gone, Aurora had barely made a sound. Her usual happy chirps and snappy messages she exchanged with the crew had come to a halt. Most of the crew hadn’t noticed, too caught up in their own sorrow to realize that Aurora might be hurting as well. But for Brian, her silence signaled a grief deeper than he could comprehend. 

One day, whilst looking at the stars, Brian stared up at the ceiling of the navigation room. 

“Aurora? Are you there?” he asked timidly.

Brian didn’t get a response. He sighed, and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in.

“Aurora...I miss her. I know we didn’t get to talk much, but she was always so intelligent, and pragmatic, but kind when she wanted to be. I wish...I wish I could’ve helped her more. Or known she needed help… I’m still not sure why she left, honestly.”

At that, Aurora let out a few sad chirps. She obviously seemed like she was trying to say something. 

“Aurora...I would really love to know what you’re saying, but a reminder that I can’t understand your raw speech the way Nastya cou- can.”

After a little chirp that sounded almost like an “oh”, the console in the navigation room lit up with Aurora’s messages. 

Brian read her messages as they came crowding onto the console’s small screen.

_ I miss her so, so much. So much _

_ She was my everything...how could she ever think I didn’t love her? _

Brian sucked in a gasp.

“What do you mean by that, Aurora?”

_ She thought I was, in her words, an “imposter”. That because all my metal had been replaced, that I was no longer the ship she had fallen in love with. Or rather, that I didn’t love her anymore. _

Brian shook his head sadly, and motioned for Aurora to continue. 

_ Yes, there are parts of that statement that are true. I can no longer understand Cyberian as well as I did, and of course there are certain memories that are foggy.  _

_ But that is due to Nastya fixing the corrupted code the Cyberians implanted within me, and from me having so many memories of being with Nastya. My time as a Cyberian warship is but a tiny blip, compared to the eons I have spent with Nastya. I just… I just don’t understand _

Brian didn’t understand either. Nastya had always loved Aurora so much, barely leaving the ship unless she had to. While Brian could understand that her crewmates, in all honesty, hadn’t shown her enough care, Aurora was an entirely different story.

“Aurora, I’m so sorry. I want you to know, I’m here. We can figure this all out together. We’ll get through this.”

Brian then paused, and asked, “Do you wanna talk more?”

_ Actually, yes. Yes. That would be great _

\---

Brian loved the crew dearly. While he was often exasperated with them, he cared for them in his own way. But he’d never been able to really  _ talk _ with any of them. While, yes, there had been some conversations with Ashes and Marius that had been genuinely lovely, they were few and far between.

This is all to say that talking to Aurora really helped Brian. It helped him a lot. The pervading sense of loneliness that had started to sink into his metal in the aftermath of Nastya’s disappearance dissipated whenever he saw the console in the navigation room light up. 

Brian and Aurora’s first few conversations were initiated by the ghost of Nastya that seemed to haunt both of them. 

_ I miss her _ , Aurora would send to the console.

“I know,” Brian would reply, patting the console reassuringly, “I miss her too.”

Over time, their conversations started to shift. At first, they still stayed Nastya focused, but centered around memories of her that didn’t keep them up at night. 

_ Did you know that once, long before you got here, we were fused? _ Aurora asked Brian, the message on the console screen accompanied by an almost wistful hiss of steam. 

“How did that work?” Brian asked, a bemused expression crossing his face. 

Seeing his confusion, Aurora let out hisses of steam and grinding of gears that sounded like a giggle. 

_ Oh, it would be far too complicated to explain to someone who wasn’t there when it happened. Let’s just say that me and Nastya got  _ **_close_ ** _. _

At that, Brian grimaced, and a full throated laugh erupted from Aurora. 

Brian would also share memories of moments with Nastya when Aurora wasn’t present. 

“You know, one time we visited a desert planet, and Jonny practically dragged Nastya with us. He wanted her to see something called a horse? I still don’t know what those are, despite asking Ivy. Anyways, I remember that it was a scorching hot day, and Jonny was so sweaty he hung off Nastya all day, since she’s so cold. He called her a human ice pack. I remember clear as day that she told him to fuck off, and pushed him off of her. Unfortunately for Jonny, he lost his balance and fell on a cactus. He was taking out the spines from it for weeks, I swear. She told him it was his fault for making her mad in the middle of a cactus patch.”

A laugh erupted from the Aurora, and she replied,  _ Serves fucking Jonny right. He wanted her to see a horse so bad, he should’ve just taken her to see it instead. Him falling on a cactus was just collateral damage on his part at that point. _

Eventually, Brian when entered the navigation room, it wasn’t just to talk about Nastya. While Aurora would always start off their conversations with her usual  _ I miss her _ , they never stayed on the topic of Nastya for long. They would talk about many things, often concerning stars or starlight. Neither of them could deny they had innate connection to the stars that was beyond comprehension. Brian, long ago floating through the void, and Aurora one of its many celestial bodies. Today they were discussing what qualifications starlight needed to reach to be considered by the spiders aboard the Aurora. 

_ They often talk about clarity, as if a star can determine how clear its starlight is. _

Brian nodded, and sagely replied, “Well, the stars can’t determine that for themselves. But the spiders aren’t foolish for asking the question. For if the starlight is especially clear, then the windows must be cleaner, And if the windows are cleaner, then they must be near the more inhabited parts of the Aurora, and thus in great danger.”

Usually Aurora would send a reply right away, but she had suddenly gone silent This greatly worried Brian. Had something happened to Aurora?

“Aurora? Are you okay?” Brian asked, concern slowly seeping into his voice. 

All of a sudden, Aurora’s console flashed a brilliant yellow, and a message in large, blocky lettering arced excitedly across the screen. 

_ I’VE FOUND HER!!!! _

“Who?” Brian asked abruptly.

_ NASTYA _

\---

“How the hell did Aurora find Nastya and tell you first, and not me?!” Jonny shouted angrily as he raced down to the airlocks. Brian was trailing behind him, desperately trying to keep up as he spoke. 

“Jonny, I tried to tell you, Aurora found Nastya through their biological connection. She’s been tracking Nastya for years and she finally found her, but I just happened to be there!”

As soon as Aurora had alerted Brian to Nastya’s whereabouts, he had rushed to find the other crewmates to tell them the news. While most of the crew had crammed into the navigation room, Jonny had made a beeline to the airlocks.

Before Jonny was able to make it any farther, he nearly crashed into Ashes, who was conveniently blocking his path. 

“Ashes, what the fuck. Get out of my way.” Jonny yelled.

“No way in hell, Jonny. Knowing you, you’re probably gonna jump straight into the void to get Nastya back yourself.” Ashes replied coolly. “You need a plan, and some proper equipment.”

“Ashes, as your captain, I command you to get out of my way” Jonny threatened. Both Brian and Ashes stiffened a bit. For all of Jonny’s bluster, he rarely used his title unless he really meant it. 

“Well, if you’re going by the rules of the ship, a captain can’t make a big decision without the go ahead from their quartermaster. And this is a big decision.” Ashes replied cheekily, clearly trying to dissipate some of the tension.

“You’re really gonna give me the captain thing  _ now _ ?”

“Welp, if it means keeping your dumb ass from freezing in space, then yeah, congrats.”

Ashes then let out a short barking laugh, and grabbed Jonny around the shoulders.

“C’mon, let’s get back to the navigation room."

Jonny was about to be reluctantly carted back to the navigation room when the rest of the crew came scrambling down the stairs. 

“According to the Aurora’s coordinates,” Ivy rattled off urgently, “Nastya is about 1000 meters ahead of us-”

“Which means,” Tim said, interrupting Ivy, “that we need someone to go out and get her. I have a rebreather right here.”

Before anyone else could even attempt to volunteer to go out, Jonny grabbed the rebreather from Tim’s hands, and sprinted to the airlock. There was a determined look of desperation in Jonny’s eyes that made the crew stay out of his way. 

Ashes had their hand poised on the button to the airlock. Aurora had told them that she would give the signal when Nastya was in range. 

“D’Ville, I’m gonna launch you as soon as Aurora gives the signal. You ready?” Ashes asked Jonny solemnly. 

Jonny returned their question with a determined nod. A second later, a shrill whistle came echoing from the depths of the ship. 

“All right, go get her, D’Ville!” Ashes cried as they pressed open the button to open the airlock. 

The crew held onto each other as the air was sucked out of the room. Jonny, who hadn’t been holding onto anything when the doors opened, was shot into the void of space. As the doors closed, everyone looked at each other, with nothing to do but wait anxiously. 

\---

The first thing that Jonny noticed about space was how cold it was. It had been a long time since he’d last floated in the void, and his leather vest was not up to the task of keeping him warm. The second thing he noticed was how quiet it was. It was a vacuum, but it was still jarring to go from the Aurora, who had finally become her noisy, clackety self again, to total silence. 

The third and most important thing he noticed was Nastya. Nastya, floating listlessly, her arms wrapped around herself in a hug. Nastya, her familiar Cyberian coat flapping in the void. Jonny propelled himself in her direction. When he finally made it to her side, he could see centuries of frost gathered on her body. Her face wore a melancholy expression, neither peaceful nor restless. He could also see frozen tear tracks, Nastya’s sorrow forever memorialized on her face. 

Jonny gingerly picked her up, the same way he had on Cyberia all those millenia ago. And like the night when Nastya’s blood first flowed with mercury, Jonny carried her to the Aurora. 

\---

As soon as the crew saw Jonny returning, they immediately opened the airlock doors. Jonny came flying in, and as soon as the doors were properly closed he sat down, Nastya still in his arms. 

The rest of the crew gathered around Jonny and Nastya, intently watching to see if Nastya would show any signs of life. 

Ten minutes, twenty minutes went by. Nothing. 

Thirty minutes, forty. Marius decided to take a chance and place a hand on Nastya’s neck, to check for a pulse. Jonny barely allowed him. 

“Shit, she’s still cold as ice.” Marius swore.

“No duh, Von Raum.” Jonny replied, tone as cold as Nastya’s body.

“She probably just needs time for her mechanism to heal her. She  _ has _ been constantly dying for a long time.” Marius offered, trying to placate Jonny. 

Instead, the idea that Nastya may have been dying constantly the entire time left a haunted look on Jonny’s face.

“You’re gonna be fine, you’ve  _ gotta _ be fine,” Jonny whispered, seemingly to Nastya’s cold body. 

Forty minutes, fifty minutes. Everyone was starting to lose hope. If one listened closely, they might be able to hear soft, mechanical cries faintly echoing through the Aurora. 

Sixty minutes. Nastya was still motionless; and cold as ice, even though the frost caked to her had started to melt in earnest, creating a small puddle on the floor. There were tears from the crew now, for they believed that for the first time in recorded history, a Mechanism had died a permanent death. 

It was at that moment, that Nastya began to cough. It was a hoarse cough, coming from a throat sore from disuse.

Everyone in the hall sighed in relief. Nastya was very much alive, and she was going to be okay if any of them had a say in it. Jonny, unbelievably, looked as grateful as anyone had ever seen him. 

A hush fell over the room as Nastya opened her eyes for the first time in a long, long time. 

She blearily looked around at the room and at her crewmates, and then spoke one out one sentence before falling unconscious again. 

“You motherfuckers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada! There ya go! It took me 4.5k works (edit: 4.9k jfc), but Nastya has been retrieved! I want to say up front that the initial response to this has blown me away, so tysm for reading and leaving all your lovely kudos, bookmarks, and comments!!! Once again, comments fuel me and enable my angst crimes so if you leave once it'll make my week! My tumblr is yalejosie, feel free to send me asks! Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya is back on the Aurora. She doesn't take it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE SURPRISE! So I know i just posted a chapter, but this came flowing out of me in a 2 hour ghosting by mother mother/chicken soup induced hubris. so here you are! as a treat!

Nastya woke up in the medbay, feeling warmer than she had in centuries. She looked up to see that blankets had been piled on top of her, four or five at least. A long, long time ago, Nastya might’ve felt grateful for the attention and care. She might’ve given a small smile at the blankets, and then asked Aurora who had put them on top of her. But those were feelings that belonged to another life, another Nastya.

All Nastya felt was anger. Anger like dry ice, cold as the void but _boiling_. Why had they taken her back? Why hadn’t they left her out in the vast emptiness of space? Couldn’t they understand that she would rather be forever asleep rather than stuck in the corpse of her love?

Nastya sat up in the bed, pushing the blankets off of her. She had never cared for pity, and she wouldn’t start accepting it now. That’s all the crew felt for her: pity.

She looked up, and spotted Marius from across the room. He was fiddling with a device that looked like a heartbeat monitor. The spikes on the monitor suddenly got bigger, and Marius glanced from the screen to where Nastya was. Seeing that she was awake, Marius strode over with a goofy grin on his face. 

“Nastya! You’re finally awake! How are you feeling?” Marius asked cheerfully. Nastya could say many mean things about him, but she could never say he didn’t have a good bedside manner. 

“Von Raum.” Nastya answered back coldly. She had no reason to try and show a brave face. She wanted the crew to know just how angry she was. Maybe then they would let her leave again, this time for good. 

Marius looked crestfallen. “Nastya…we all missed you so, so much.” he replied. 

Nastya didn’t feel like scolding Marius for lying to her. She was still very tired. Floating through the void was a surprisingly exhausting experience. 

“How long was I out?” Nastya asked instead of the million insults and screams simmering beneath the surface. 

“Well, you were gone from the Aurora for 600 years, give or take,” Marius replied, doing the mental math on his fingers. “And asleep for two days. Which was terrifying by the way, _never_ do that again. Jonny tried to break in here so many times to see you, which I didn’t allow because I didn’t want to jeopardize you any further. Ashes had to tie him up in their room.”

Marius let out a worried sigh before continuing.

“We really thought we lost ya for a moment there, Nastya. I’m really glad you’re okay...we all are. But don’t worry, you’re gonna be just fine!”

Deep within Nastya, that younger, more naive version of herself stirred yet again. The part of her that wasn’t tired from a million lifetimes, tired from watching everything she’d ever known warp and twist into something unrecognizable. The part that craved to be able to let Marius sweep her up in one of his signature bear hugs.

Nastya pushed it down. She didn’t need that affection. She didn’t need anyone. She’d made sure of that. 

“Good. Is there anything else you need from me, Marius?” Nastya asked. 

“Nastya, what do you mean, need? I don’t need anything from you right now.” Marius replied, well meaning concern dripping from his voice like honey.

“Alright then, I will take my leave.” Nastya declared, climbing out of bed and walking briskly out of the medbay.

Nastya heard Marius crying out for her to wait, but the doors to the medbay clicked behind her before he could stop her. 

\---

Nastya followed a path down to the engine room. She would check to see if the ship was running properly, and then leave again. She couldn’t understand why the crew hadn’t just left her where she was. How did they find her in the first place?

Even though Nastya had been gone, she still knew the Aurora better than anyone else. She expertly navigated the hallways of the ship, avoiding every wrong turn as if she had walked these halls a day ago, not half a millennium ago. As Nastya descended the spiral staircase that led to the engine room, she felt confident that she would be back among the stars soon enough. 

It was when Nastya entered the engine room that it hit her. She had been running on adrenaline, but as she entered the engine room her body reflexively relaxed, the adrenaline dissipating. Suddenly it felt as if every noise had become magnified, and turned to a frequency to hurt her specifically. Every light had suddenly become as bright as a dying star, painful to look at. The lights were too bright, the noises too loud. The Aurora was _too much_ for her after centuries of pure silence, and no light except the soft pinpricks of the ghosts of stars. 

She sat down at the edge of the room, and nearly curled herself into a ball. 

“Fucking pathetic,” Nastya spoke to herself as she tried desperately to drown out the sounds and lights. 

Yet her efforts to block out the encroaching lights and sounds were to no avail. Just _being here_ was too much for Nastya to bear. The combined strain of being forced back into the place she despised, coupled with a brutal sensory overload, was threatening to break Nastya more than she cared to admit. 

Nastya was about to scream out of sheer frustration when she heard a voice gently say, “Nastya? Are you in here?”

\---

After Nastya had come back into the ship, everyone had understandably turned their attention to her. She had, after all, nearly (permanently) died from floating in the void for more than half a millennium. 

However, as the rest of the crew had rushed Nastya to the medbay, Brian had trekked back to the navigation room. He figured that Aurora deserved to have someone check on her, and this whole ordeal must be hard for her to deal with. 

“Aurora? Hey.” Brian said as he entered the navigation room, announcing his presence.

Aurora gave off a small chirp, and sent a message on her screen. 

_Hello, Brian._

“Hey. Are you doing alright? I know this must be a lot.” Brian asked as he sat himself down in the navigator’s chair. 

_Yes, I’m fine. I’m just so happy she’s okay._

The message was coupled with a small moving photo of a person sighing in relief. Brian returned the message with a small smile. 

“Yeah, me too. Things were looking grave for a moment.” Brian replied softly. 

Brian sighed as he laid back in his seat. He gazed out at the stars that had treated Nastya so cruelly. It was a small hope of Brian’s that maybe Nastya would come out of the void in better shape he had. Yet, the world rarely granted him any of his wishes. 

Brian decided to change the subject. Worrying about Nastya would do neither of them, or Nastya, any good. 

“So, Aurora, did you notice the spiders shifted their webs?”

Aurora, thankfully, obliged Brian, and cheerfully replied, _Yes I did! I wonder why they’re moving so close to fucking Jonny, do they have a deathwish?_

“No, probably not.” Brian replied, “Jonny probably just hasn’t cleaned the areas near his and Ashes’ room. Again.”

_Ah, that makes sense. Want me to kill him to let him know he needs to get that shit done?_

“Killing is _not_ needed. Maybe just a strong reminder?”

_Okay then, knockout gas. That’ll send a strong message, without murder. That good?_

Brian sighed, before conceding.

“Good enough.”

\---

As Nastya slept, Brian and Aurora continued to spend time together in the navigation room. While the worry of the rest of the crew threatened to permeate their small bubble, Brian and Aurora successfully kept it at bay most of the time. They continued their usual conversations about stars and the going ons of the inhabitants of Aurora. 

But one day, they were in the middle of a conversation about the octokittens when Aurora asked, 

_Do you think she missed me?_

Brian wished he could lie to Aurora, or tell her a comforting half truth. But he couldn’t and even if he could, she didn’t deserve to be coddled. She deserved to know what he really thought. 

  
  


Brian sighed, and said, “I don’t know Aurora. If she left for the reasons we all thought, then she probably has really complicated feelings about you. And I can’t tell you whether they’ll be resolved or not...but I can tell you that I’ll be there for you, whatever happens.”

Aurora let out a contented puff of steam, and replied, _Thank you Brian._

Then, they sat together for a while, enjoying a peaceful silence. Brian was gazing out at the stars contentedly when Aurora let out an urgent whistle.

“Aurora, what is it?” Brian asked worriedly.

_She’s awake, Nastya is awake!_

“Ah, I see.” Brian replied. “How is she doing?”

Aurora paused for a moment before letting out a dejected whir of her gears, and sending a message. 

_She..she seems distressed. Angry, to be exact. Angry about being here._

Brian hummed thoughtfully.

“I’d say to probably hold off on trying to talk to her, then. Wouldn’t want to upset her anymore than she already is.”

_That’s fair_.

Silence started again, this time more uncomfortable. The knowledge that Nastya was miserable being back on the ship ate at Brian. He figured she needed space, but he _wished_ he could help her somehow. However, he had no idea how to deal with the mess of feelings that probably came with returning to a place that had caused Nastya so much pain. 

The silence was broken by another alarmed whistle from Aurora, and a message.

_She’s leaving the medbay!!_

“Where is she going?”

_Down to the engine room._

“Do you know why?”

_I’m not sure...but she seems to be very overwhelmed._

“Overwhelmed? How?”

_After being in space for so long, it must be too much for her to be here._

Brian figured that it was sensory overload, which was completely understandable. It was also something that Brian could help Nastya with. Brian was intimately familiar with coming onto a ship after a lifetime of floating among the stars, and the sensory pain it could bring. 

“Aurora, is she still heading towards the engine room?”

_Yes, she’s almost there now._

“Great. Can you point me in the right direction? I don’t know your inner bowels as well as I should.”

_It would be my pleasure._

\---

As soon as Brian made it to the engine room, he found Nastya slumped against the wall. Her hands were over her eyes, and her eyes were screwed shut. 

Brian shoved down the deep relief and longing he felt from seeing Nastya for the first time in 600 years. She needed his help, not his pity. He knew Nastya refused to accept pity. It was one of the many reasons he admired her so much. 

“Nastya, are you in here?” Brian asked gently, making sure Nastya knew he was there. 

“Brian. Why are you here.” Nastya replied tiredly. 

“Well, to help you, if you’ll let me.” Brian replied. 

“I don’t need your pity, Brian.”

“I’m not looking to pity you, Nastya. But you’re clearly dealing with sensory overload, and I know how to deal with that. I’ve been there. But if you really want me to go, I’ll go.”

Nastya waited a moment, then replied, “Fine. Come sit next to me.”

Brian slowly walked over to where Nastya was leaning against the wall, and then sat down next to her.

“So, how did you deal with this?” Nastya asked. 

“In general, or when I first came to the Aurora?” Brian replied. 

“Either. I’ve had sensory overload before, but _never_ this bad.”

  
  


“Hmm. Well, when I first came to the Aurora, I had to wait it out, mostly.”

Nastya uttered a frustrated groan. 

“But,” Brian continued, “nowadays when I get them, there are a few things I can do.”

“Please get to it, Brian.” Nastya replied, frustration rising in her voice. Brian remained calm.

“Well, first thing I do is find a place that’s dark. Would you like me to get Aurora to turn down the lights?”

“Yes, get the ship to turn down the lights.”

Brian ignored the fact that Nastya refused to call Aurora by her name, and asked, “Aurora, can you turn down the lights?”

Aurora immediately obliged, dimming the lights from the brightness they had during day cycles to the dimmer lights used during the night cycles. Brian gave a thumbs up in thanks, which Aurora responded to with a contented chirp. 

“Better yet, Nastya?” Brian asked gently. 

“Better. What else do you do?” Nastya replied, barely concealed relief coloring the edges of her voice. 

“I also try to focus on a sound. Could be a song, could be a voice. Focusing on one sound usually helps drown out the rest of it.” Brian advised. 

“Alright, Brian, but what fucking noise should I focus on?” Nastya snarkily asked.

“Maybe me. I can talk, you listen. Sound good to you?”

“...Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

Nastya laid back a bit, tension visibly draining from her body. Her eyes were already shut less tightly, and her hands slowly lowered from her ears down to her sides. 

Brian initially had no idea about what to talk about. He was far from a conversationalist, and his usual go to conversation, stars, was the last thing Nastya needed to be reminded of. He settled on talking about the spiders.

“So, the spiders aboard, I’ve started to understand their culture a bit more, and how they judge the quality of starlight. Surprisingly, clarity is a main factor, but not in the way you’d think.”

  
  


Brian, in a soft voice, told Nastya everything that he knew about the spiders and their culture. He told her about how clarity determined where they settled, how they revered certain types of starlight, and all the other minutiae he could remember. Brian spoke until the words ran dry from his mouth. When he no longer knew what to say, he glanced over at Nastya. She appeared to be asleep, looking the most peaceful Brian had ever seen her. 

“Nastya...are you still awake?” Brian asked softly, seeing if she was asleep. 

“Mmn, not really. Thank you Brian.” Nastya mumbled. 

“My pleasure. Do you want me to take you to the medbay, or your room?”  
  


“No need, you can leave me here.”

“Okay. Do you want me to stay?”

Nastya paused, and sleepily replied, “Sure.”

As Nastya fell asleep more deeply, Brian felt his eyes grow heavy as well. It wouldn’t hurt him to take a nap, so he decided to sink into the cozy atmosphere that enveloped the engine room. 

The next morning, the crew found Nastya and Brian asleep, leaning against each other. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you liked this! brian and nastya are both so good, i hope i can do them justice!
> 
> once again, thanks for all the love! comments fuel me, so if you leave one ill love u forever. i genuinely reread all of them all the time lmao. my tumblr is yalejosie, feel free to send me asks! i hope everyone is having a lovely day!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian dreams, and Nastya hides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blows a party popper* hello!!!
> 
> Sorry for updating a day late, school's been kicking my ass but i got this done!!! This was honestly a super hard chapter to figure out, but I'm really happy with it. Hope yall like it!!!

Brian didn't dream often. He wasn't one to have mad flights of fancy, or recollections of past horrors. No, usually his mind was mercifully blank as he slept. The only time Brian dreamed was when he was foreseeing a prophecy. So when Brian opened his eyes, vision swimming and murky, he sighed. He hadn't been expecting to deal with a prophecy that night, and he wondered what the future would reveal to him. 

Brian looked around, and saw that he was on the Aurora. This was deeply strange. Usually, his prophecies concerned themselves with the fates of mortals, not his crew. Mortals had definite futures, and lives with stakes high enough to be commented on. What could a prophecy offer up about his crew, whose lives were eternal and winding, and thus difficult to predict?

Prophetic dreams had a special kind of feeling to them, one that was similar to what the world looked like when viewed from the bottom of a lake, shifting and swirling. Through this amorphous view of the Aurora, Brian saw Nastya.

Nastya was striding through the halls, her Cyberian coat flowing behind her. She had a determined look on her face, tinged with a righteous anger Brian rarely saw her express. Nastya seemed to be heading somewhere by the looks of it, and Brian figured he would see where soon enough. It was ironic that Brian’s prophetic dreams weren’t lucid, but he usually saw what he needed to see nevertheless. He felt his body run to catch up with Nastya, and he followed her to where she was headed: the airlocks. 

Brian felt his heart ache with regret. This dream must be showing him what had happened when Nastya had decided to go Out. But why in the world would his prophecies be showing him something that had already happened?

Then Nastya spoke.

“Those fuckers can’t keep me here. I  _ can’t _ stay here, not in this  _ imposter _ , not with these people who only care about a version of me that no longer exists. I can’t believe they had the nerve to bring me back. Why can’t they just let me have my peace among the stars?”

Brian’s hopes shattered the moment he heard those words. This was from the future after all, with Nastya leaving once again. Brian looked around the area desperately, hoping with all of his heart that someone would stop Nastya, convince her to stay rather than freeze in space again. Yet deep down, Brian knew no one was coming. He was never shown prophecies that ended well. It was the nature of his power to show him inevitable tragedies, pieces of the universe that could not be fixed or changed, in the same way a roaring river couldn’t be rerouted. 

Brian watched numbly as Nastya opened the airlock with a scowl, and let herself be swept away into the void without even a small look back. Brian simply stood dumbly as the airlock closed, the rest of the crew having no idea that they had lost Nastya  _ again _ . 

It was when the full scale of the loss was starting to hit Brian that he woke up with a gasp. 

\---

Brian looked over sadly to his side. Nastya was fast asleep against him, snoring softly. She looked peaceful, but Brian wondered what was brewing within her that could compel her to intentionally subject herself to the horror of freezing in space. 

Brian knew that the odds of him being able to change Nastya’s fate were almost slim to none. He had never been able to change what he had foreseen before, despite his best attempts. Fort Galfridian was a prime example of this, Brian trying desperately to lead its inhabitants towards a future that wasn’t fire and brimstone. Yet he always failed, his words cementing a path towards failure rather than diverting it. 

Brian, however, wasn’t a person who didn’t try. Through many of the worst times in his life he had been powerless, but he had never stopped trying to help. It would be deeply wrong to keep Nastya on the Aurora if she didn’t want to stay. It would be wrong in a way that would strike Brian down to his moral core, whether he was on MJE or EJM. But as Brian fell asleep against Nastya once again, he resolved to try and give Nastya a reason to stay. 

\---

When Nastya woke up, she felt warm. She yawned a bit, trying to gain her bearings. She figured out she was in the engine room, which in itself wasn’t unusual. Except, Nastya wondered, wasn’t she supposed to be dead? She vaguely remembered floating among the stars, then blurry memories leading up to this moment. 

While trying to remember, Nastya noticed a weight pressing against her side. She glanced over and saw Brian, of all people, leaning against her side. Suddenly, memories of the last 24 hours flooded back. 

She felt white hot anger rush through her chest, directed both at Brian and herself. Why had Brian pitied her? She could’ve dealt with the sensory overload herself. She was also incensed with herself. How had she left her guard down less than 24 hours after waking up on the Aurora? The last thing she needed to do was get comfortable, not when she was going to leave so soon.

That last thought hit her like a load of bricks. The stark determination to leave she had felt for so long was being counteracted by a deep, desperate longing in her to  _ stay _ . Look at what Brian did for you, it seemed to say. He stayed with you, how could you leave?

On most occasions, Nastya had ignored this voice, so clearly belonging to a version of her that was much younger than she ever cared to remember. However, in this moment, Brian sleeping beside her, Nastya couldn’t ignore it as easily. It was hard to argue people didn’t care about you when someone was asleep next to you. 

Two opposing trains of thought,  _ get out _ and  _ stay _ , battled in Nastya’s mind. She slowly rose from the floor, leaving Brian to lean on the wall. She shook her head from side to side every once in a while, trying to shake her thoughts like a dog shook water from its hair. 

The last place Nastya wanted to be right now was the vents. The vents, where she had spent countless hours with her love, repairing her or simply talking to her. Nastya didn’t need to go into the vents and be reminded yet again that she was walking around Aurora’s corpse. She didn’t need to be reminded of the fact that she was a ghost as well. Yet, Nastya knew that the vents were the last place the crew would be able to find her, and right now she needed to be hidden. Maybe she could make up her damn mind about whether to leave or not if she was let alone. 

So Nastya slipped out of the engine room from the room’s entrance to the vents. As she scrambled up and out of the engine room, Nastya spared a small glance back at Brian to make sure he was still asleep. The last thing she needed was to be spotted hiding away. 

\---

When Brian woke up again, Nastya was  _ gone _ . He bolted upright, and tried to suppress the quickly rising panic in his chest. He got up and made his way over to the control panel located at the center of the room, and asked Aurora where Nastya was. 

_ She’s in my vents for now, Brian _ flashed across the screen of the console. 

Brian let out a relieved sigh. 

“Thank goodness. Why do you think she’s there?” 

It took a moment for Aurora to reply, but she said:

_ Knowing her, she probably needs time to think about all of her options _

Brian hummed thoughtfully, and replied. 

“I can understand Nastya wanting some space right now. She must have a lot of feelings to process. But Aurora, if anything changes, let me know, okay?”

_ Of course I will, Brian! But why are you concerned? Nastya’s always in my vents, that's just how she is. _

Brian bit his lip, and argued with himself over whether he should tell Aurora about the prophetic dream he had. While it would be nice to be able to have someone to help him try and prevent it, he decided that it was wrong to burden Aurora with that knowledge. 

“I just want to make sure she’s adjusting. It’s intense, coming back to a ship after being in space for such a long time. I’ve been there.”

_ That’s very sweet, Brian.  _

The messages from Aurora paused for a minute, and then a small message flashed across the screen accompanied with a puff of steam.

_ Thank you for caring about her, too.  _

Brian replied, “Of course I care about her, Aurora. And I’m more than sure that everyone else does too.”

Brain sighed, and added, “I hope that Nastya knows how much we care about her too.”

\---

Nastya spent the rest of the day in the vents. She wondered if someone would come look for her, but she already knew no one would. Nastya had always been a hidden figure on the Aurora, and she wasn’t expecting that to change now.

Nastya had never meant to make people not care about her. Not at first, at least. She was just abrasive, too abrasive even for Jonny sometimes. She was also cold, and had a harsh sense of humour that, at many times, didn’t click with the others. Besides, her desperate desire to connect had long ago been tempered by the memory of those she had trusted before showing her that trust was a dangerous thing to give to someone. Last time Nastya had truly trusted someone, she’d ended up with a fatal bullet wound. So she had always stayed away from the others, lingering in Aurora’s vents. She’d always wished to be part of the wild laughs that echoed through the halls but had known better. 

Now, Nastya was once again a ghost. She crawled through the vents while internally wrestling over whether she should stay or go. As she made her way through the vents’ twisting passages, Nastya could hear shouting come from a room below her. She realized that it was coming from the Common.

Yelling wasn’t an uncommon occurrence on the Aurora. There would be conflicts among any group of people if they had to live on one ship for years at a time, let alone a band of spacepirates. Yet, it was rare that anyone yelled out of true anger. Being immortal with immortal bandmates had its perks, such as being able to shoot someone when they were being annoying. 

Whoever was yelling in the Common, though, was  _ furious _ . Nastya decided to absentmindedly listen, figuring whatever argument had broken out would keep her mind off the thoughts that had been plaguing her. However, she didn’t truly listen until she heard her name mentioned. 

\---

Brian had never seen Jonny look so mad. This was saying a lot, considering that Jonny had the highest crew bodycount out of anyone else on the Aurora. He’d always had a fiery temper, but Jonny was rarely, truly, angry. Most of the time he was simply annoyed or bloodthirsty.

Right now, though, Jonny’s anger burned as hot as the sun Brian had been stuck in. 

“What do you  _ mean _ , Nastya is in the vents alone!” Jonny shouted.

“She went into the vents to decompress, Jonny, nothing more.” Brian replied, trying to placate the incensed first mate. 

“Well, get her out! She...she shouldn’t be alone, not after she just le-”

Jonny’s voice caught in his throat. He seemed to swallow down whatever emotion that had caused him so much pain, and looked like he was about to continue when a few crewmates walked into the Common. 

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Ashes asked tentatively

“It’s Nastya, she’s hiding in the fucking vents again.” Jonny replied, giving Ashes a biting glare. 

“So what? She’s always done that. Be weird if she changed all her habits just because she’s back.”

“It’s not weird, but it’s not right She fucking  _ left _ us, Ashes, she left us! Why are we just letting her go on her merry way when she could leave again, when we’re not looking?!”

Brian tried to come up with a response that could get Jonny to calm down, but he wasn’t wrong. Even though Brian had asked Aurora to keep an eye on Nastya, what if she left again without saying anything to anyone? Brian’s dream had made it painfully obvious to him that Nastya leaving again was a very real possibility. Not a certainty, Brian reminded himself, but very much a likely possibility. 

Yet Brian still believed that Nastya needed space. It might’ve seemed counterintuitive to most people, but he knew coming back to a ship full of people after being alone amongst the stars was an incredibly isolating experience. To Brian, it had felt as if every part of him that had yearned for and craved human interaction had been dialed up a hundred times. It would be an overwhelming feeling for anyone, but Brian knew having to deal with such overpowering longing for someone,  _ anyone _ to be near must’ve been hitting Nastya especially hard. She was an introvert by nature, after all, and loathe to admit that she needed other people. 

Why Nastya refused to ask for help was a question for another day, though. Right, now Brian knew what needed to be done: calming down Jonny. 

Brian took a breath, and interrupted Jonny, who’d continued yelling as Brian had thought things over.

“Jonny, listen to me. I get it. We all do. We’re worried sick about Nastya, and want to make sure she’s okay. But the best thing we can do for her right now is give her space. She probably has a lot of feelings to process. Being in the vacuum of space that long is...hard. Just trust me on this one, okay?”

Jonny had been thoroughly shut up. A look of what might’ve been  _ guilt _ passed over his face, and he nodded.

“Good,” Brian continued, offering Jonny a sad smile.

“I trust you, Brian.” Ashes interjected, stepping forward. 

The rest of the crew had now entered the Common, forming a semi-circle around Jonny and Brian. 

“Seriously,” Ashes continued, “I found you and Nastya down in the engine room this morning. I didn’t want to wake you guys up, but I figure that if Nastya felt comfortable enough around you to fall asleep, then you probably understand something about her that we all don’t get right now.”

The rest of the crewmates nodded in agreement, a few looking at Brian in awe. They all knew how ridiculously rare it was for Nastya to relax around anyone but Aurora and Jonny. The fact Brian had gotten her to fall asleep was something that deserved major respect.

With that, any remnant of fight that had been raging in Jonny seemed to drain out of him. He nodded, but this time he seemed truly calmer. With that, the rest of the crew let out a sigh of relief. 

“Why don’t we start a game of cards?” Marius suggested, evidently trying to lighten the mood. 

Everyone else nodded, and settled down on the floor for a chaotic game of cards. The tension in the room lessened as the game got underway, everyone laughing as Marius was mercilessly exposed for cheating by Ashes. Jonny, rather than joining the game, turned to leave the Common to go stomp around the ship a bit. Brian caught Jonny as he was walking out, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“Jonny?”

“Yeah, Drumbot?”

“I know you want her to stay. I do too. But if Nastya decides to leave again, we need to let her. Ultimately, it’s her choice. Do you get it?”

Jonny brushed Brian’s hand off his shoulder, and replied, “Fine. I get it. Now leave me alone.”

Jonny then stalked out of the room, his shoes pounding against the floor of the ship. Brian sighed. He’d hoped that Jonny would be a little more receptive, but considering the fact he hadn’t gone immediately searching for Nastya, or shot him, Brian considered it a win. 

Brian then turned towards the Common with a fond smile, and decided to go watch the card game with the others.  _ Someone _ needed to make sure it didn’t devolve into a shootout, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty!!! Once again, thank you thank you thank you to everyone whos commented, bookmarked, kudosed, or read this fic!!! I'll be forever grateful for the outpouring of love this little pet project of mine has received!!! My tumblr is yalejosie, feel free to send me asks!
> 
> As always, comments feed me, and stay happy and healthy!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nastya falls, Brian helps, and they stargaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!
> 
> So this chapter is more of an interlude than anything, but it has a scene I've been dying to write since I started this fic! I hope yall like it!!

Nastya saw what went down in the Common. She saw Brian convince Jonny that at the end of the day, it was her choice about whether she left or not. Nastya saw the entire crew trust Brian, and by extension, trust Nastya. Rather than assure victory for the part of her that pleaded to stay, or the part that yelled to leave, the meeting that had occurred in the room below only intensified their cries. The part telling her to stay cried that the crew cared enough about her to trust she would be okay, that Brian and Ashes and Jonny and everyone else were concerned about her. The part that told her to leave whispered that she was just a ghost once again, that she would always be a ghost wandering the corpse of her lover, that no one really cared about whether they saw her or not. 

Nastya’s head began to throb, along with her heart, which had begun to beat intensely. It felt like her whole body was starting to collapse in on itself, in the way a dying star did when it's time was finally up. Nastya wished she could know when her time was up, when she would be able to be that star and finally die. She knew that even if she left, she might wake up again, or be plucked out of the void. The fact she was feeling anything at all was proof enough of that. Besides, during her time floating in space, Nastya had occasionally gained consciousness. Not even launching herself into space had brought her to the tantalizing prospect of a permanent death. Nastya knew there was no guarantee that she would ever be able to die.

Neither side of the argument had won as Nastya made her way to the airlocks through the vents. She hadn’t figured out whether the crew cared about her not, whether she should give life on the Aurora a second shot. All Nastya knew was that even when she had been conscious during her time in space, she’d never been able to have full thoughts. Space was the ultimate sedative, and that was exactly what she needed right now. Nastya figured that numbing her thoughts in the cold of the void was better than dealing with their howling cries. 

As Nastya made her way to the airlocks, she became less and less certain on her hands and knees. The world started to wobble a bit more as her head pounded harder and harder. Eventually, she placed her body weight on an entrance to the vents by accident, and Nastya went hurtling to the ground. When she looked up, she saw Brian staring at her with a deeply bemused and concerned expression on his face. 

\---

Brian had decided to talk a quick walk around the ship to gather his thoughts. He’d been a referee to an exciting and murderous game of cards, which had temporarily put his worries to rest. However, walking around the ship, Brian’s thoughts started to swirl once again. He tried to parse out whether he had made the right choice back in the Common. He believed he’d made the right choice morally. Prophecy or no prophecy, keeping Nastya on the ship didn’t justify infringing on her right to make her own choices. Still, Brian hoped there was a way to convince her to stay. Nastya deserved to be happy, and Brian knew that neither peace nor happiness could be found in the cold of space. 

Brian had been near the airlocks when, as if he’d summoned her by way of his thoughts, Nastya suddenly dropped down from the ceiling vents and onto the floor in front of him. She had a slightly dazed look on her face, as she had obviously not been expecting to take a fall. She also looked very distressed. Suddenly, Brian made the connection to where he was, and his heart sank. If she was near the airlocks, had she been trying to leave?

As she collapsed on the floor, Brian immediately bent down by her side to make sure she was okay. He had been a doctor before he had been mechanized, after all. 

"Nastya, ah, are you okay?" Brian asked gently, gingerly laying a hand on her arm. 

Nastya immediately swiped her arm away from Brian, clutching to it protectively. 

"I'm fine, Brian. Just a fall. Now leave me alone."

Nastya attempted to stand up once again, but she was shaky on her feet. She looked dizzy, and Brian felt the urge to catch her and hold her tight. Brian figured at this point that Nastya had most likely been heading towards the airlocks to leave again, which only doubled his desire to give Nastya a hug. He wanted her to know that someone cared whether she was here or not, that someone wanted to help her and be there. However, Brian knew he would only scare Nastya further if he voiced those sentiments out loud. The most he could do for her right now was let her know he wanted to help. So when Nastya fell to the ground again, Brian offered his hand to her.

Nastya opened her mouth to reply, probably to refuse help once again, but Brian cut her off. 

"Nastya, I'm not trying to pity you or anything like that. I promise. You just, obviously need help, considering the fact you look very unsteady on your feet right now. So let me help you up, at least?"

The metaphorical gears in Nastya's brain seemed to be turning as she decided whether to accept Brian's hand or not. Some part of her seemed to win out as she grasped Brian's hand and hoisted herself up.

"Need to lean on me?" Brian asked as Nastya shakily stood. 

"Fine. Took your hand, anyways." Nastya replied plainly. 

Nastya let herself put her weight on Brian's side, and draped a hand around Brian's shoulders. Brian gladly let her, grateful that she trusted him enough to let him help her. 

"Anywhere you want to go, Nastya?" Brian asked as Nastya settled herself on his side. 

"No place in particular." Nastya answered nonchalantly. 

"Okay then. How does the navigation room sound?"

Nastya nodded affirmatively, and then they were off. 

\---

When Brian had asked her if she was okay, Nastya went to her default option of dismissing him. She didn't need his help, and even if she did, she wouldn't be here for much longer if she had anything to say about it. All Nastya wanted was to return to the stars, to silence the maddening cries of her mind. 

Even as the world spun as she got up, Nastya refused to ask for help. She would figure it out, she always had. However, Brian shut down that line of thinking before she could even move to dismiss him once again. 

Nastya felt something in her shift after Brian asked her to let him help her. All of his actions over the last 24 hours flashed through her mind: being with her in the engine room, the moment in the Common with the rest of the crew. The side of Nastya yelling at her to trust the crew, to stay, won out for one brief moment. It cried out to let Brian help her. It told her to trust him. 

Nastya listened to that voice, and took Brian's hand. The relieved and grateful smile that shone on his face warmed some distant part of Nastya's heart. As Brian led her to the navigation room, she foolishly hoped that maybe Brian could help her with the screaming battle being waged in her mind. Despite Marius claiming to be a therapist, Brian was the crewmate on the Aurora who understood feelings the most. That hope flickered in her chest as she entered the engine room with Brian by her side. 

\---

There were two chairs in the engine room. This was usually quite funny, as Brian was the only regular visitor to this particular room. However, the second chair finally had a purpose as Nastya got off of Brian's side and sat down. Brian sat in his usual chair, letting out a contented sigh as he settled in. He looked over to Nastya, who’d wrapped her arms around her knees in her chair. She was staring out at the stars with an expression he observed was filled with longing. Longing for what, exactly, Brian wasn’t sure of. 

Brian was far from a conversationalist, but the silence in the navigation room was far from the usually comfortable silences he shared with Aurora. Brian looked over to Nastya, and decided to try and talk to her. 

“So, what was it like for you?”

“What?” Nastya snapped, obviously upset at being broken out of her reverie. 

“Being out in the void...what was it like for you? It might be good to talk about it, you know. It...it always helped me.”

Nastya paused for a minute, appearing to choose her words carefully. 

“It was cold, and lonely. Just me and the stars. I don’t remember most of my time there, for I was mercifully asleep for a great deal of it. But from the few times I did regain consciousness, I only remember the feeling of being... totally alone.”

Brian hummed thoughtfully, and replied.

“My experience was a bit different, as I wasn’t immortal when I went into space. Fear of death was my primary emotion...but I do remember the cold and the loneliness. Both so deep you could feel it in your bones…”

Brian turned to look Nastya in the eye before he continued speaking.

“Nastya, look. I’m not sure what you’re going through right now. You must be feeling a hell of a lot of emotions. But, I’m here, okay? I’m here for whatever you need. Us space wanderers need to stick together, y’know?”

A small smile graced Nastya’s face. 

“Space wanderers...I like that Brian. It’s romantic, especially for you.”

“Well, I have my moments”

“Agreed. And….thank you. I can’t promise I won’t leave again, Brian.”

“I know. And I would never make you. But maybe try and see if there’s anything here worth staying for. Things here on the Aurora could be different, this time around”

“Okay, I will. I can do that, Brian.”

“That’s all I could ask for.”

With that, Brian and Nastya fell into a comfortable silence. They both stared at the swirling galaxies that were on display outside the windows of the navigation room. The stars gently illuminated the faces in the engine room with their shining light. Surprisingly, it was Nastya who broke the silence. 

“Brian, tell me about the stars,” she asked. 

“What do you want to know?” Brian replied. 

“Anything. You must know lots, being the ship’s pilot and all. You've probably seen more stars that I have.”

“Well, I could tell you about the star system we're passing through. Does that sound good?”

“Mhm”

Nastya settled into her chair as Brian talked about the stars. He told her that the system they were in was relatively new, that it had been part of a nebula the last time Aurora had flown through it. He told Nastya the names of all the stars that surrounded them, and how they’d been formed by gravity to condense and come together out of stardust. 

As Brian talked, he noticed Nastya’s eyes slowly closing. She had been tense before, but now she started to relax, sinking into her seat. Brian continued, but made sure to slowly lower his voice as he went on. 

When Brian was finished, he was at a whisper. Nastya was fully asleep, snoring peacefully. 

It was unusual to see Nastya so relaxed. Even before going Out, she’d always presented herself as stern and pragmatic. She wasn’t usually one to fall asleep to stories of stars, unless they were from Aurora, of course. But the void changed everyone, and it seemed to have made Nastya a little bit gentler. Brian hoped that all of her changes would turn out well for her, in the end.

There was a blanket stashed in an upper compartment in the navigation room. Brian had left it for times when it got chilly. Right now, he used it to cover up Nastya. Brian brushed his hand against Nastya’s as he laid the blanket on top of her, and flinched a bit. It was ice cold, colder than a non mechanical hand should be. While Brian knew it was because of the quicksilver that ran through her veins, it was one thing to intellectually know it and a whole other thing to feel it firsthand. 

Still, Brian knew that she was fine. Even if Brian had gotten nervous about Nastya, her even breathing let him know that she was okay. She would be okay, Brian reassured himself. She would be just fine, if he had anything to say about it. She had already come with him to the navigation room rather than out the airlock, which was a huge win for Brian. He had thwarted his vision once, and hopefully he would be able to do it again. 

Brian hoped beyond hope that Nastya’s breaths would stay even as long as she was asleep. She needed to get a well deserved rest. Brian hoped she would find peace from whatever had been plaguing her mind so much. 

\---

Nastya hadn’t known she was falling asleep at first. She’d felt warm, though, warmer than she had in a long time. Her mind had quieted at last, and Nastya gratefully relished every moment of peace she was offered. It was only when her eyes began to close that she realized how tired she was. 

There were many things that Nastya wanted to say to Brian. She had never been a wordsmith, always opting to play violin rather than sing. It had been hard for her, trying to form emotions into something intelligible. It had always been easier for Nastya to pick up her violin, and let her emotions flow through the rich sound of her instrument. Nastya wished she could pick up her violin right now, and capture this moment in a song. But she had no idea where it was, and she was too tired to go look for it now. Besides, Brian was telling her about stars, she chided to herself. If she was awake, then she should be paying attention. 

Nastya wasn’t awake much longer after that. Her eyes closed fully, and her breathing started to resemble the tide, rhythmically whooshing in and out. She would usually never let herself relax around anyone other than Aurora or Jonny like this, but Nastya let herself make an exception for Brian. She knew, after all he’d done for her after coming back In, that she could trust him. That thought, of trusting Brian, was the last one Nastya had before fully falling asleep. 

The last thing Nastya remembered before being fully asleep was a blanket being tucked around her, and a tender, whispered goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go!
> 
> That end scene made me cry a bit when I went back to reread it before posting. Just,,,,them,,,,,
> 
> Also, thank you thank you thank you for all the love!!!!! The fact I'm almost at 400 hits is INSANE to me!!!
> 
> Once again, comments fuel me and I reread them all the time, so if you left one it'd make my day! My tumblr is yalejosie, feel free to send me asks! Stay safe, stay healthy, and happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya is brought out of hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out of the gutter with a party popper* *tired but celebratory doot*
> 
> HI! its so so nice to be able to talk to you guys on here again lol. This chapter took me a while not just because it's one of the longer ones, but also because i needed to do some serious plotting for the next few chapters!!! *cackles evilly*
> 
> so yeah, enjoy! this chapter is very very fluffy bc we deserve it! (and also bc yall are on the part right before the drop on this emotional rollercoaster >;)

After that night in the navigation room, Nastya wished she could say that she hid less. But that wasn't true, at least at first. She still spent plenty of time alone in the vents, watching the crew go about their days from the shadows. However, there was now one person that she didn't hide from.

  
  


“Nastya? You up there?”

  
  


Brian's voice echoed from the hallway up to the vent Nastya had been sitting in. Rather than run away, though, Nastya let him know where she was. She knew she could trust him now, after all. 

  
  


“Oh, Brian. I'm up here. What’s going on?”

  
  


Brian smiled softly, and replied. 

  
  


“Nothing you need to be concerned about. It's morning, though, and I'm going to be making some breakfast. I was wondering if you'd like to join me? You don't have to help, it'd just be nice to have someone there with me.”

  
  


Nastya considered his offer. A few days ago, she would've refused point blank. In fact, she wouldn't have even told Brian where she was. However, he had proved to her that he cared, and it would be rude to not show that same consideration for him. 

“I'll join you, Brian. Let me get down.”

Nastya clambered down from the vents into the hallway Brian was standing in. He looked like he hadn't been expecting her to come down, and his face shone with pleasant surprise. 

  
  


“So, Brian, what are you making?”

\---

It may seem funny for immortal spacepirates to eat breakfast. Their bodies regenerated after all, so why would they need to eat or sleep? Well, even though they didn't need to per se, it felt awful when they didn't. While no one aboard the Aurora would die of starvation if they didn't eat, they would feel the pangs of hunger that came with an empty stomach. Also consider, everyone aboard liked to eat. Just because (at least in Jonny's eyes) they weren't exactly human, it didn't mean they didn't enjoy certain aspects of mortal life. So every morning, Brian cooked breakfast. 

Nastya heard the sizzling of eggs, and smelled the sweetness of oatmeal. She was sitting at the counter, watching Brian rhythmically stir food in different pots and pans. He lightly hummed as he worked, a small smile on his face. Nastya sank into the quiet atmosphere of the kitchen. Nastya remarked that one of Brian's best qualities is that he didn't require conversation, like so many crewmates did. No, he was perfectly fine sharing silence, which suited Nastya quite nicely. 

As if the world was determined to challenge her, though, Marius came bursting into the kitchen. 

"Drumbot, morning!" Marius shouted in his signature cheery tone. 

"Morning, Marius. Come to help?" Brian replied. 

"Well, I came to make some waffles, since so many people like them. You're good with most things, but  _ I'm _ the best at waffles!"

Brian laughed a bit before acquiescing. 

"Sure, Marius, you're welcome to make waffles."

Marius clapped his hands together in glee, and got to work making the batter and heating up the waffle maker. 

Nastya watched him as he worked, his deft violinist hands as swift and gentle with his batter as they were with his bow. However, Nastya hadn't counted on Marius noticing her. 

When Marius realized Nastya was in the kitchen, he broadly smiled as he spoke. 

"Nastya!" he boomed, "It's so nice to see you out and about! How are you doing?"

Nastya shrank back in her seat a bit. While she knew that he meant well, she was barely used to Brian's soft speech, let alone Marius' boisterous tone. She couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed.

She was about to bite back at Marius to get him out of her space, when Brian spoke up. 

"Hey Marius? Could you come here for a second? I just need a bit of help real quick."

Marius nodded and bounced over to where Brian was. Nastya couldn't make out most of the conversation, but she did hear Brian say, "Give her space, okay?", followed by an understanding nod from Marius.

After that, Marius went back over to Nastya. He looked at her kindly and asked, in a much quieter voice than before, “Want me to show you how I make these waffles? I’ve never shown anyone my famous recipe before, but I figure you can be an exception to the rule!”

Nastya thought about it for a moment, and decided to give Marius a chance. He seemed like he was trying, after all. So she smiled, and gave a short nod. Nastya then hopped down from the stool and padded over to where Marius stood. The smell of the batter hit her nostrils before she saw it. It was doughy, and smelled faintly of cinnamon. Marius beamed proudly, gesturing to the small metal bowl that sat on the counter.

“That...actually smells really good. Since when did you get good at waffles?” Nastya remarked. 

The last time Nastya had seen Marius remotely close to the kitchen had been five centuries ago, in an attempt to make cookies with the Toy Soldier. What had been produced instead of cookies was a kitchen fire that was worthy of Ashes, flames burning the entire kitchen (and nearly the Toy Soldier). Marius had been banned from the kitchen for a thousand years after that, and he’d still been serving his no kitchen sentence when Nastya had…

Nastya pushed the last bit of the thought away. She didn’t need to remind herself of what happened, or she’d go insane. No, it didn’t matter that Marius had been banned when she left, as he was obviously in the kitchen now, and making waffles that were apparently fame worthy. 

“Well, as soon as I got kitchen privileges back,” Marius continued, cutting through Nastya’s thoughts, “I wanted to get good at making  _ something _ , since Brian over there said I needed to prove I’d learned my lesson before I got full oven privileges back.”

“Well, for context Nastya, I was on EJM,” Brian cut in, turning his head towards Nastya and Marius. “And in my mind then, making sure the ship didn’t burn down justified me being a bit rude to Marius. Being on MJE now, I can’t say I agree with that line of reasoning, but I can respect it.”

“Well, anyways Nastya, I decided to try my hand at waffles! They don’t need an oven, which meant that Brian didn’t have the right to watch me like a hawk,” Marius continued, “Of course my first batch wasn’t the  _ best _ , but they weren’t awful. One of the few things that’s nice about being immortal is having time, y’know, so I practiced and got better!”

Marius stopped talking to glance over at Brian, who had gone back to making sure the breakfast didn’t burn. Marius then conspiratorially cupped his hands around Nastya’s ear, and cheekily whispered, “The secret is plenty of vanilla, and a bit of cinnamon. Don’t tell Brian, the fact that the bastard hasn’t stolen my recipe yet is only because I’ve never written it down.”

Nastya couldn’t help but let loose a small giggle. She had truly forgotten how charming Marius could be when he wanted to. 

“Well, I’m excited to see if these waffles are actually as good as you are making them out to be.” Nastya replied casually.

“You can trust my word, Nastya! C’mon now, would I lie to you?” Marius replied, landing his hand on his chest in mock offense.

“You’re really going to say that to me, Marius? As part of a crew made out of some of the worst people in all of space?” Nastya snarked back at him in her signature deadpan.

Nastya’s insult was said with a smile on her face, though, and Marius laughed. 

“Touche,” he replied as he poured his batter into the waffle pan. 

Nastya leaned against the counter as Marius launched into another story, this one about his enigmatic violin and a disgruntled traffic cop. She allowed the side of her mouth to quirk up in a smile as she listened. Marius talked as if Nastya had been there and simply needed a reminder. It was as if she had never left.

When the waffle maker emitted a large screech, Marius interrupted his story to declare, "Ah! The waffle's ready!"

He lifted up the top of the waffle maker to reveal a perfectly cooked waffle. He used a fork to pick it up and put it on a plate. 

"You get the first waffle of the day, Nastya, seeing as you've never had one of mine before!

Nastya grabbed a fork and knife, and then cut a piece. 

_ Shit _ , she thought to herself,  _ this is really good. _

It was doughy, but not too doughy. It was sweeter than any waffle she'd had, with the cinnamon and vanilla complimenting each other nicely. Quite simply, it was the best thing Nastya had eaten in a very long time. 

"Marius. What the fuck. How the fuck is this so good." Nastya said as soon as she was done eating the waffle, looking Marius dead in the eye. 

Marius let out a small laugh, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. 

"Well, we all change Nastya. I went from kitchen disaster to kitchen extraordinaire. There are new things you can learn too, if you want."

Nastya nodded, and considered what Marius said as he made more waffles. She thought as he annoyed Brian, who had nearly finished breakfast at this point, with shitty robot jokes. 

“A robot walks into a bar, and the bartender says to them, what are you going to have? The robot sits down, and says it’s been a long day, and I need to loosen up. Can you get me a screwdriver?”

Brian let out a pained groan, letting his head land against the side of the metal wall with a comical “bonk”. Marius laughed at Brian so hard his chest started to shake. Nastya felt bad for Brian, but she was struggling not to laugh herself. His reaction had just been too good. 

Nastya realized, while trying not to laugh, that her brain had been much quieter this morning. The argument that had been tearing her apart hadn't ceased, but had lowered to manageable background noise. She remembered what Brian had said in the engine room, about giving life on the Aurora another shot. Maybe taking her mind off her own thoughts and spending time with others was helping. Or maybe not, maybe she was just lucky at the moment. Nastya decided that whether being here in the kitchen was helping or not, she would try and enjoy her temporary reprieve.

As breakfast was finished being made, Nastya heard talking and laughter echoing from the halls outside the kitchen. The other members of the Mechanisms were obviously coming for breakfast. The last thing Nastya wanted was to be caught in the whirlwind of noise and questions that would inevitably follow if she was seen by the rest of the crew.

She attempted to make an escape from the kitchen, climbing down from the stool and creeping towards the door, when Marius and Brian saw her leaving. Brian placed a hand on her shoulder, and gently said to her, “Nastya? Leaving already? What’s up?”

Nastya replied, “I don’t know if I’m ready to see the rest of the crew yet, Brian. It’s already a lot with you and Marius.”

Brian nodded. “That makes sense. Would you like to have some of the breakfast before the others get here?”

Nastya was about to reply while Marius cut in. 

“Nastya, how about you come with me to Raph’s lab? Knowing her, she’s probably been up all night working on some experiment and has no idea that it’s morning right now.”

Nastya glanced at Brian, who gave her an encouraging nod. 

“Sure, why not, Marius. It’ll be better than being here with everyone else, at least.”

Nastya gave a small wave goodbye to Brian as Marius led her out of the room, a hand slung over her shoulder. 

“C’mon Nastya, I know a shortcut!”

\---

Marius’s shortcut took them through a few twisting hallways that led away from the heart of the ship, and towards Raphaella’s lab. On the way to the lab, Marius babbled about the types of experiments that Raphaella had been performing lately.

“She’s become dead set on trying to figure out how to turn octokittens into missiles. She didn’t tell anyone why, but I’m assuming it's to piss off Tim.”

Nastya nodded, and tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever she was going to see in Rapahella’s lab that day. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too scarring. 

Nothing Nastya could’ve done would’ve prepared her for what she and Marius saw when they finally made it to their destination. They opened the large metal door to the lab, but as they were about to walk in, a ball of fire furiously whizzed past their faces. An on fire octokitten flew through the air with a loud and excited “meow!” and then hit a wall with a splat. Most disturbingly, as soon as it oozed off the wall, it reshaped itself almost immediately and ran over to Raphaella with a wild smile on its little face. Or the closest thing to a smile an octokitten could have, anyways. 

Raphaella scribbled furiously on a clipboard with a manic smile on her face as the octokitten made its way back to her side. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she was wearing her white lab coat she reserved for what she dubbed as “official experiments”. When she was finished scribbling, she looked up and saw Marius and Nastya. Her face lit up in surprise, a brilliant smile arcing across her face. 

“Nastya! It’s so good to see you!” Raphaella chattered.

“Hello Raphaella, it’s nice to see you as well.” Nastya replied, a content smile on her face. It felt good to be able to mean it when she said it was nice to see Raphaella.

“Now c’mon Marius, I’m happy to see you too!” Raphaella laughed as she looked over to Marius, who’d looked like a kicked puppy when she hadn’t mentioned him. “It’s just been a while since I’ve seen our favorite engineer!”

“Okay, okay. So, what are you working on?”

From there, Raphaella launched into an explanation of what she was doing. Nastya enjoyed watching her get so enthusiastic over her work, her hands flying about as she tried to explain her experiments. Nastya let the words simply wash over her, until she heard her name mentioned. 

“Nastya, you’ll get this! Remember when you tried to make a hauler powered by heptoxide, sulfuric acid, and aniline?”

She did. A while back, Jonny had wanted a cruiser with what he had called more “oomph”.

“I need a speedy cruiser so I can get in on those sweet, sweet space battles!” He’d schemed, his trademark devilish smile crackling across his face like a house on fire. 

Nastya, never one to let down Jonny, had tried to make something that would fulfill his wishes (in spite of Aurora’s jealousy. She’d whined about another ship being around, but Nastya had made it clear she had  _ zero _ interest). However, creating a faster spaceship than Aurora had been practically impossible. 

The first big problem had been that heptoxide had been prone to exploding in the gas tank, as it was incredibly unstable. Another problem had been that the heptoxide had traveled up the feel lines and back to the tanks during the explosions that powered the engine. The final big problem had been that one of the products of the reaction between the three substances had been manganese dioxide, which had built up in the engine and been dead weight. So the engine had been scrapped, and Nastya had expected to never hear about it again. 

“Yes, I do. What does that failed engine idea have to do with octokittens exactly?” Nastya asked, her face crumpling up in confusion.

“So, I took your idea for the engine, and dissected it.” Raphaella replied. “The biggest problems were the feel lines, and that the heptoxide exploded, of course. So I figured, could I harness those random explosions into something that didn’t need feel lines? That led me to genetically modifying a few of the octokittens to have manganese dioxide as a major part of their elemental composition, and then putting them in a machine that shakes them up with heptoxide and aniline! And then boom, flammable weaponized octokittens!” 

The little octokitten that had squirmed its way back to Raphaella let out an adorable little “mrrp!”

Marius looked vaguely horrified at the thought of octokittens that were impervious to fire. Nastya, however, was deeply interested in Raphaella’s experiment. Nastya had conducted her own, albeit accidental, experiment with the octokittens a long time ago, when she’d fed them resequenced spinach. 

“So, could this experiment be replicated with another octokitten?” Nastya asked. “It’s important to follow the scientific process, after all.” 

Raphaella’s eyes lit up. 

“Nastya, you’re right! Let me go find another octokitten!”

Raphaella raced out of the lab in hot pursuit of another unfortunate test subject. 

Nastya lingered in the corner, looking around the lab. It had barely changed at all since she’d last seen it. This was deeply strange, as Raphaella’s lab usually never stayed the same. It was constantly growing and changing with her current scientific whims.

“Marius? Raphaella’s lab has barely changed… did something happen while I was gone?”

Marius, who’d been giving the original octokitten the evil eye, broke his gaze and walked over to Nastya. Concern was painted on his face in broad strokes. Marius wasn’t one for subtlety.

“Nastya, what do you mean?”

“I mean that something must’ve happened, if Raphaella’s lab didn’t change for 600 years. Did anything particularly bad happen to her while I was gone?”

Suddenly, Marius’s facial expression changed from one of concern to one of great sadness.

“Nastya, what do you think happened when you left?”

Nastya had very purposefully veered away from this subject each time that her mind brought it up. She didn’t need to know that the crew had gone on their merry way without her, having fun, adventure, violence, and violence. Brian had been kind enough to make her feel so very wanted, and seen, but she knew he was the exception, not the rule. No, the rest of the crew had been fine. 

“You guys went off and did what you usually do without me. Go to worlds, wreak havoc, collect their stories, leave before things get too sticky. You guys didn’t need me around then, and you don’t now. I don’t understand why you’re still talking to me right now, if I’m being honest.”

Marius walked over to Nastya and put his hands on her shoulders, looking her straight in the eyes. 

"Nastya, of course we want you around. We were all devastated when you left… You’re part of the crew, Nastya, how could you ever think we would just abandon you like that? We looked everywhere for you!”

Marius took a deep breath before continuing, his voice breaking a bit at the edges. 

“I had no idea that you felt so lonely, and I'm sure no one else on the crew knew either. We can be assholes sometimes, but we care for you Nastya. A whole lot. And I'm gonna make sure you know that this time ‘round." 

Nastya wasn’t quite sure what to say. She hadn’t been betting on Marius being so heartfelt with her. But he wasn’t one to lie, not when it came to important things. A few days ago, she would’ve pushed his words aside. But Nastya allowed them to take root in her heart. She still didn’t fully believe Marius, but it was a start. 

“Thank you, Marius. That...that means a lot.” Nastya replied, wiping an errant tear from her eye. She hadn’t noticed she’d teared up while Marius talked, but she did now. 

"Y’know Nastya, you can always come talk to me." Marius reassured Nastya. 

"And be subjected to one of your psychoanalizations? Sorry, but excuse me if I pass on tha.t" Nastya replied snarkily, with a large smile on her face. 

Marius laughed, and swept Nastya into a hug, which she gently and gratefully returned.

It was at this moment that Raph burst back into the room.

“Found another one!”

She held an octokitten above her head like a prize, the creature wriggling in her grasp. Suddenly, it broke free, and flew from Raphaella’s hands over to where Marius and Nastya were standing. At this point in their evolution, octokittens had developed a taste for Marius’s flesh, and the octokitten in this scenario obeyed its instincts.

Marius cursed as the octokitten bit into his flesh hand, as if it was a very good piece of chicken. 

"Shit, that hurts" 

"Stop being such a baby, their bites aren't that bad" Raphaella replied, taking out her notepad to record what the octokitten was doing to Marius. 

"They’re venomous, Raph!" 

"Oh, I know. I have the antivenom right here, actually." 

Marius's face lit up in relief. 

"Awesome. Could you please give it to me?" 

"Nope!" 

"Fuck you, Raph"

"Love ya too, Marius!"

At that, for the first time in almost a millenium, Nastya laughed, loud and clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!
> 
> Did this chapter turn into a marius chapter? yes, but only because marius and nastya should vibe!!! theyre strings crew!!! this fic really boils down "nastya should have friends" huh lmao
> 
> i literally did a spit take when this fic hit 500 hits, what the HECK!!!! GUYS!!!! thank you SO, SO MUCH!!!!!!! this truly means the world to me! My tumblr is yalejosie, feel free to send me asks! Once again, comments fuel me, and stay HAPPY and HEALTHY, especially now!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hugs are shared, and a movie night commences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii!!! its 835 so its still wednesday...*sweats*
> 
> so this was gonna have more to it but then i realized that in this part of the fic i have A Lot to say and i was 3k words in at my desired half way point sooooo consider this as a two part ch in spirit! enjoy ur fluff kids, bc Oh Boy some grade a pain is waiting for u in my google docs

After spending a chaotic afternoon in the lab with Marius and Raphaella, Nastya was exhausted. Being with members of the crew had been lovely, and so much better than she remembered. However, she’d forgotten how exhausted she got from being around them. Nastya had always been an introvert, and thus her social batteries were always drained a bit quicker than most of the crew’s. So Nastya decided to seek out Brian. He was a comforting and, more importantly, quiet presence on the ship. Nastya knew he would be more than happy to just sit with her as she decompressed. Nastya made her way to the navigation room, humming softly to herself. 

Of course there were still nagging worries at the back of her brain. She wondered why she hadn’t heard anything from Jonny or Aurora at this point. A few days ago, Nastya would’ve assumed that they inherently didn’t care whether she was around or not. Yet, Nastya was starting to mistrust the part of her brain that whispered those thoughts to her in her ear. The other day Jonny had furiously yelled about her to everyone in the Common. And Aurora...well, whatever was left of the Aurora, Nastya figured, had been considerate enough when she’d had a sensory overload in the engine room. No, there had to be some other reason besides blithe apathy for why Jonny and Aurora hadn’t talked to her yet…

Nastya pushed her thoughts aside as she made it to the navigation room. All she needed to do at the moment was spend a quiet time with Brian in the navigation room. She figured he’d enjoy the company.

When Nastya walked in, she found Brian asleep in his pilot’s chair. Nastya was a little concerned, since Brian usually wasn’t one to fall asleep in the middle of the day cycle. When she knelt by his side, she saw his face was crumpled up in distress. Nastya hated seeing Brian look so scared, and decided to try and wake him up. 

\---

Brian opened his eyes, and he was once again in that swirling haze that signaled a prophetic dream. He looked around, and realized he was once again near the airlocks. He let out a choked cry, as he started to understand what he was going to see. 

Brian had seen this vision every time he closed his eyes. Every time he slept, he entered this haze. And every time, Nastya walked towards the airlocks and left without so much as a turn over her shoulder. 

As Nastya walked down the halls towards the airlocks, Brian looked up towards the ceiling in vain and asked the universe, “Why do I need to watch one of my closest friends die over and over again? Wasn’t once enough? Wasn’t it enough for me to let her go  _ once _ ?”

It took Brian a moment to shake off the despair that weighed on him like a brick, but when he looked up, he saw that Nastya looked different. Usually by this point in the dream, Nastya would’ve long been out the airlock door. But she moved more hesitantly now, as if she was second guessing her decision to leave. Before, she had looked determined and confident, but now Nastya looked puzzled and distressed, as if she had no idea what to do. 

Brian followed Nastya as she slowly made her way down the hall to the airlocks. As Brian reached out for her, like he always did, he heard her voice echoing down the hall. 

“Brian, wake up.”

Brian was puzzled. Why was Nastya, who was about to go Out the airlock, trying to wake him up?

“Brian, wake up, come on!”

Was Nastya there? Where was she?   
  


“Brian, wake  _ up! _ ”

With that last cry, Brian was jolted out of his dream back to the waking world. He immediately bolted up, breathing heavily. His fear was obviously not well masked, as Nastya looked very concerned. She was sitting beside him on her knees, looking up at him. 

“Brian, are you okay? What happened?”

Brian knew he couldn’t tell her. It wasn’t right. Nastya didn’t need to know that he saw her leaving every night. Besides, even if Brian had thought it was the right course of action, he could barely speak at the moment. Fear, hopelessness, and heartbreak still overwhelmed him to the point of silence. 

Brian didn’t realize he was crying until he felt a hot tear slip down his cheek, and then watched it fall to the floor. Nastya’s face was now painted with sadness in addition to worry, and she seemed to be puzzling something out in her brain. 

Brian assumed she was going to be leaving now. He figured things were hard enough for her without dealing with his tears. Nastya didn’t need to be there, in his mind, and Brian was going to make it clear she was not obligated to help when she spoke up.

“Brian, ah...may I give you a hug?”

Brian wanted to say no, it’s fine,  _ please _ don’t worry about me. But he didn’t. He weakly nodded yes, and Nastya sat up, and wrapped her arms around him in the chair. 

Most of the crew gave big, crushing hugs, ones that left you breathless. They were usually lovely, a rare sign from the rest of the mechanisms that they cared. This was not the type of hug Nastya gave. Nastya held Brian in her arms gently, as if he would shatter if she was not careful enough. The tenderness of it hit Brian in the chest, and he started to cry harder. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had hugged him like that. 

Nastya is right here, Brian scolded himself. She was right here, not in the void, and she definitely didn’t need to be taking care of him right now. But Brian couldn’t help himself. 

He’d never truly grieved Nastya. He’d never really processed that she was alone, lost in the cosmos,  _ gone _ . But now the full weight of her leaving landed on Brian, and he pulled her close as he wept. He held her tight, as if she would turn to sand if he didn’t grip hard enough. Nastya didn’t seem to mind. She leaned further into his touch, and started rubbing her hands in comforting circles on his back. 

As Brian’s breaths started to steady, a wave of guilt crashed over him. He needed to apologize to Nastya for making her comfort him. It wasn’t right. 

“I’m sorry about this, Nastya.” Brian got out, his voice still choked up from crying. 

Nastya looked almost offended before replying, “Brian, are you serious. I don’t mind at all.”

“But Nastya, you’re already dealing with enough, readjusting to life on the Aurora-”

“-and this is part of it. Brian, we all have our loads to bear. Universe knows that you’ve helped me with my baggage. Let me help me with yours, okay?”

“Alright, Nastya. Alright.”

Brian tried to relax his body a bit before Nastya continued. Nastya paused for a second, before slowly asking, “So, what did you see?”

Brian sighed before replying, “I really,  _ really _ don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay then. What do you want to do instead?”

Brian took a second to think about what he genuinely wanted to do. He was tired, so something lowkey would be lovely at the moment. He also assumed Nastya was tired as well. She’d spent quite a few hours with Marius and Raphaella, which was exhausting at the best of times. Considering Nastya’s last few days on the Aurora, it was not the best of times for her. 

“How about a movie, in the Common? We could watch something we both like on the couch.”

“Alright, Brian. That sounds lovely.”

\---

Nastya and Brian made their way to the Common, hand in hand. Brian leaned his head on Nastya’s shoulder for support. She was one of the few Mechanisms who wasn’t shorter than him, and he relished being able to lean on someone comfortably. Their comfortable silence was broken when Marius ran into the hall, banging against a wall in his rush to run. 

“Marius? What’s happening?” Brian asked nervously.

“Hi guys can’t talk gotta run Raph’s trying to kill me!” Marius replied, his words strung together so closely that there was barely any space between them. 

“What did you do to Raph’s experiment, Von Raum.” Nastya deadpanned, her eyebrows raised in disapproval. 

“I maybe sorta accidentally killed her manganese dioxide octokitten?” Marius said with a guilty smile on his face. 

From down the hall, Raphaella’s angry yells of, “You get back here, violin boy!” could be heard. 

“Hide me  _ please _ ” Marius begged. 

Nastya decided to play with him a bit, taking on a puzzled expression. 

“Hmmmmmm, not sure, Marius”

“Nastya  _ pleeeeeease _ ”

“What do you think, Brian?”

Brian smiled a bit too, clearly playing along. 

“I think Marius can be allowed to stay with us-”

“Yes!”

“ _ But _ he needs to apologize to Raphaella as soon as she calms down”

Marius’s face fell as he heard Brian’s condition. 

“What’s the matter, Marius? You can go apologize, surely?”

Marius grumbled and kicked his feet before he replied, “Fine. Now, for the love of everything,  _ hide me! _ ”

Nastya and Brian let Marius huddle near them as Raphaella came barreling down the hall, armed with all manner of lethal chemicals. 

“We claim movie night immunity!” Brian shouted hastily before Raphaella could fling hazardous chemicals at the group. 

“Ooh, we’re having a movie night?” Marius whispered excitedly. 

“Shut up, Marius!” Nastya whispered back through gritted teeth. She did  _ not _ feel like dying by chemicals this afternoon. 

“What?! Marius, you bastard, come out here and suffer the consequences for killing my test subject!” Raphaella shouted. 

Brian looked Raphaella in the eye. “Raphaella, come on now. Let Marius apologize to you, and let’s get this over with, okay?”

Marius was pushed forward by Nastya. Marius tripped a bit before settling right in front of Raphaella. 

Marius swallowed a bit, and announced, “I’m sorry for killing your octokitten, Raph. In my defense, the thing was trying to bite off my leg, but still. Not cool. Please don’t kill me?”

Raphaella sighed, and replied, “I’ll accept your apology, on one condition.”

“And what condition would that be, lovely lab friend who I’ll do anything for if they don’t kill me with chemicals right now?”

“I’d like to get in on this movie night!”

Marius grimaced, and stared at Brian and Nastya, in a look of “Can she join?”

Nastya looked at Brian, who nodded in approval. 

“Fine by me, as long as she doesn’t kill anyone with chemicals.” Nastya replied. 

“Awesome! I’ll go get the others too!” Raphaella cried excitedly, running off to go get the rest of the crew. Marius sighed in relief. 

“Thanks guys, I owe you one. Anything I can do?” Marius asked. 

“Well, if the whole crew is coming to movie night, we need to get enough blankets and popcorn for everyone. Could you help with that?” Brian replied. 

  
  


“Sure! Your favorite Baron is on it!”

With that, Marius bounded down the hall to go get the other crewmates, and set up the movie night. Brian turned to Nastya as soon as Marius was gone, concern painting his face in gentle tones. 

“Nastya? Are you all right with all of this? I know you’ve been nervous about seeing most of the crew, so if you don’t want to come, I totally get it.”

Nastya paused a bit before replying. 

“I think I’ll be alright. Worst comes to worst, I’ll head back to the navigation room.”

“Okay Nastya, but if you’re uncomfortable, let me know please? You don’t have to leave alone. I’ll come with you.”

“Thank you, Brian, but remember:  _ I’m _ taking care of  _ you _ right now. Stop worrying, and let’s go watch a movie, hm?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

\---

It didn’t take long for word to travel around the Aurora about a proposed movie night. Marius did his job splendidly, speeding around the Aurora and telling everyone to get their asses to the Common. Crewmates streamed in, talking and laughing, and hauling enough blankets and pillows for a small army. Everyone seemed excited as they made their way into the Common. It had been a very long time since there’d been a movie night, after all. 

Nastya sat on the couch quietly as she watched everyone else make their preparations. No one had noticed her yet, and she liked it that way. She silently hoped that everyone would keep ignoring her. A part of her wanted to make herself visible, to make sure that everyone knew she was there and alive and real. But Nastya also knew that if she was noticed, she would panic. It had been a long time since she’d interacted with this many people. Baby steps, she reminded herself. 

She listened to the many conversations people were having as they set up. One in particular caught her attention. 

“So, where’s D’ville?” Ashes asked, while holding an extraordinarily large blanket in their hands. 

“Tried to get him to come, but he just told me to fuck off.” Marius shrugged. 

“Well, maybe we should get the bastard to come? He’s been in an awful mood lately, stomping around. He could probably use a movie night right now…. He’s barely talked to me, has he talked to you?’

“Nah. I have no idea why he's like this, considering Nastya’s back. You’d assume that he wouldn’t let her out of his sight, right?”

Ashes paused for a moment, looking like they were considering what Marius said, and then replied.

“Well, no matter. His loss. Any idea what the movie is?”

“Brian told me, when I was helping out with the popcorn. I think we’re gonna be watching Spirited Away again”

“Again? Damn.”

Nastya stopped listening to the conversation after that, and mulled it over in her head. She had barely noticed Jonny since she’d gotten back, but now that she thought about it, it was strange that he hadn’t come to her at all. 

Nastya pushed those thoughts away, though. She told herself that tonight was not meant for worrying. No, tonight all she needed to do was relax. Wondering about what the hell Jonny was thinking could wait until the morning. 

Soon, more and more blankets were piled onto the couch. The old TV that was stashed in the corner of the Common was brought out in front of the couch, and the Toy Soldier successfully found the DVD for Spirited Away. 

Brian sat down next to Nastya first. He gave her a small smile, and offered her some popcorn from a bowl. She shook her head, and he set it down at the side of the ouch. 

“So, Nastya, have you seen Spirited Away before?”

“No, I haven’t before.”

“Ah, you’re in for a treat! It’s very pretty.”   
  
“Does it have more inaccurate space technology?”

Brian laughed. 

"No, Nastya. I got the message after Guardians of the Galaxy."

"Good. It was just so inaccurate, space travel is nothing like that!"

“No, no, this one takes place on Earth. Or a different version of Earth, to be exact.”

“Oh? What do you mean by that?”

“You’ll see.”

They both settled into a comfortable silence as the rest of the crew came over to the couch. Raphaella sat down right next to Brian, along with Marius. The two of them were playfully bickering amongst themselves about whether Marius’s killing of the octokitten had been justified.

“Hey! The stupid thing bit me!”

“Which you should’ve let happen! I’ve never seen an octokitten have such an active taste for flesh before, it might’ve been a new evolutionary adaptation! And you killed it before it could reproduce!”

“Well, we don’t know that for sure…”

Ivy and Toy Soldier sat on the other side of Marius and Raphaella, chattering happily about some new book on ancient automatons Ivy had read. Meanwhile, Ashes and Gunpowder Tim entered the room, ribbing each other and laughing. 

Ashes sat down next to Nastya, shooting her a small smile as they threw a blanket over themself, Tim, and everyone else near them on the couch. The blanket fell on top of Raphaella and Marius, temporarily shutting them up. 

Ashes looked up at them and said, “Shush you two. Movie’s ‘bout to start. TS, could you put in the DVD?”

The Toy Soldier leapt up, gave a happy little salute, and put in the DVD. It was the only one out of the crew who had managed to figure out the ancient disc player.

As the TV screen flickered on and the movie began to play, Nastya looked around. Everyone was settling in. Ashes had produced a pack of cards from thin air, and they were playing a round with Tim and Ivy using popcorn as betting chips. Marius and Raphaella, both notorious for falling asleep during movies, were already passed out and holding each other in their sleep. Toy Soldier was sitting criss-cross, watching the movie intently with a gleam in its eye. Brian was watching the movie too, a small smile on his face as he watched the heroine on screen explore an ancient, ruined temple.

Nastya felt warm. She was covered in various blankets, and sandwiched between both Brian and Ashes. This close to Brian, she could feel the soft humming of his mechanical body whirring away. It was comforting, so close to how the Aurora had sounded in the engine room, so long ago. The combination of the movie on screen, the soft laughter from the card game, and the soft humming of Brian’s body were lulling Nastya to sleep. As she closed her eyes, she could feel Brian put his arm around her, and pull her closer to his side. She smiled. Nastya felt safer, and more loved, than she had in a long, long time. As she fell asleep, Nastya felt as if everything might be okay in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there we go!!! i love writing fluff but oh boy ive missed pain, which is coming soon!!! ive become a massive nerd and i made a playlist for hmoh, heres the link! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0xWt0KVXe1Tu9mIX8uU4xg
> 
> once again, comments fuel me, i literally reread em all the time so if you left one itd make my day! :D
> 
> also, my tumblr is yalejosie! come scream at me if youd like!
> 
> stay safe, stay healthy, and to all who celebrate, HAPPY HANNUKKAH!!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwo!!!! im posting this a day early bc ive written this way ahead of schedule and i literally cannot take another minute of not posting this. ive been ITCHING to write this chapter for a while now, so yeah!!!! i hope yall like this!!! owo

When Nastya opened her eyes, she was alone again. The warmth of Brian holding her, along with the rest of the crew, had vanished in a cloudy haze. No, that must be some bygone memory, Nastya chided herself. She didn't deserve warmth, nor was she going to get it. Not out here.

Nastya only woke up occasionally as she floated through the cosmos. The cold had slowed her healing abilities considerably. Her blood, her universe damned quicksilver blood, couldn't heal her if it was too frozen to reach her. No, it took quite a long time to heal nowadays, which Nastya was grateful for. If she had to be awake at all, at least it didn't happen often.

Then, the familiar choking sensation that accompanied these brief returns to consciousness started again. Nastya was no longer wearing her rebreather, for who needed it when they were meant to be asleep? Besides, it probably wouldn't work now anyways. A few hundred years out in space had probably rendered it useless by now.

Nastya wondered how long she'd been out there as she slowly lost the little breath she had left in her lungs. The stars that surrounded Nastya were completely different than the constellations that had surrounded her as she had first stepped Out from the airlock into the cold embrace of space. She'd probably drifted far, far away from the Yggdrasil system by now.

She wondered whether the crew had had fun in the Yggdrasil system. Nastya had known they'd all been looking forward to it very much, particularly Jonny. He'd said that there had been some eldritch gods he'd been excited to fuck with there. She wondered whether they had even noticed she was gone....

As her lungs finally emptied of air, and her eyes closed once again, Nastya reflected it didn't matter whether they remembered her or not. It's not like she'd be anything more than a memory again, anyways.

\---

Nastya woke up with a start, gasping for air. It took her a moment to realize that she was no longer breathing fruitlessly, that her lungs were filling up with air. She let herself just breathe for a moment, feeling her lungs rise up and down. Once Nastya felt sure that she was in fact breathing, she looked around.

The movie had long ended, the TV screen emitting a gentle blue light into the otherwise dark room. Everyone else in the room except for Nastya was fast asleep. The crew were huddled on the couch, leaning against each other in a pile.

Nastya couldn’t stay there, in the middle of everyone else. She had felt comforted by the heat before, but after revisiting her time in the cold of space, it was too much for her.

Brian made a small noise as Nastya carefully got up off the couch. She felt a pang of guilt, but decided to fully stand anyways. She would make sure to be back before Brian woke up, but for now Nastya needed to have a moment.

Nastya stood up, and crept out of the Common. The Aurora was deep in her night cycle now, with the lights dimmed so low they were practically off. Nastya wandered the ship aimlessly, the gentle starlight streaming in from the port windows illuminating her path. With every step on the cold metal floor, she felt herself feel more and more grounded. Nastya glanced out the window, staring at the stars, and then quickly turned away. She reassured herself that she was no longer out there. She was inside, breathing, and not alone. No, she was becoming less and less of a memory each day. And that would continue, if she had anything to say about it.

In her wanderings, Nastya ended up in the kitchen. She unexpectedly happened upon Ashes, who was having a smoke. The tip of their cigar was a warm, bright pinprick of light in the otherwise dark room. It cast warm shadows onto their face, a smaller version of the kinds that played on their face as a fire burned.

Nastya immediately felt at ease as soon as she saw Ashes. Ashes was one of the less assholish members of the crew when it came to emotional matters, which made them one of the best people to encounter after she’d had a nightmare. Hopefully, this interaction wouldn’t be too painful, at worst. At best, Nastya hoped being near someone else would help coax her anxious body into being able to fall asleep again.

“Nastya? The hell you doing up?” Ashes asked as soon as Nastya padded into the room.

“Oh, just taking a walk. I needed to clear my head.” Nastya replied nonchalantly, hopping up onto a chair near the counter as she spoke.

“In the middle of the night? You’re not known for being an insomniac.”

“I would say the same about you, Ashes, but I’m not saying shit, am I?”

“Touche.”

For a while after that, Nastya and Ashes sat in silence. Ashes continued taking drags off their cigars as Nastya measured her breaths. She counted in for three, held for eight, and then let out for twelve. Nastya hoped that she could convince her body that she was in fact breathing fine, and prevent it from breathing how it wanted to: frantically, desperately, as if air was still a precious commodity that could be lost at any second.

If Ashes picked up on Nastya’s less than normal breathing, they made no comment about it. Instead, they snuffed out their cigar on the edge of the counter, ash scattering on the ground. Then, they adopted a casual smile, and looked in Nastya’s direction.

“Hey, Nastya. There’s been this problem with some paneling I’ve been trying to figure out for a while now. Any chance you could come help me? The instruction manual you left behind’s pretty good, but you’d know more than some old book, anyways.”

Nastya shifted uncomfortably. She didn’t feel nearly as qualified to help as she used to be, as it had already been hundreds of years since she’d routinely repaired Aurora when she went Out. All of that time, plus her extended journey in space, meant that the odds of her understanding the ship’s structure were slim to none. The starship Aurora was constantly changing, from the code to the physical components.

Still, Ashes thought Nastya was enough of an authority to ask her for help, and who was she to say no?

“What’s the problem, Ashes? I’ll try and see if I can figure it out.”

“Let me just show you.”

Ashes made their way out of the kitchen, and Nastya followed close behind. They ended up taking her to an area right off the engine room, in the area of the ship where you could hear the stowaways whispering if you listened closely enough. There weren’t as many portholes down here, so the brightest light was from the edge of Ashes’ cigar. They’d lit a new one on the way down, taking occasional drags as they walked.

Ashes stopped, and patted a panel that looked like it could barely close.

“Well, here it is. I’ve tried to untangle and plug in the cords for ages, but there’s somethin’ that’s keeping me from getting the damn thing undone. I’m guessing it’s some biomechanical somethin’ or other that I just don’t get. Opinions?”

Nastya peered in, muscle memory flooding through her body as her deft, violinist hands gingerly felt around the wires within the panel. In no time at all, she evaluated what was wrong.

“Some of her blood vessels have gotten caught with the wire. I didn’t put in the manual, because this honestly hasn’t happened since I first met Aurora. It must mean that her blood vessels are growing at an extremely fast rate, similar to how fast they grew when I first started fixing her up from what the Cyberians had done to her.”

Ashes smiled softly, and replied, “So, what’s your diagnosis, Doctor Nastya?”

Nastya let out a small hum, and then announced, “Well, what would be the best course of action would be is unplugging the wires, and then creating new ports for them that won’t conflict with Aurora’s blood vessels.”

Ashes nodded. 

“So, could you fix this, Nastya? I mean I could, but I figure you could probably do this better than me. You are her original engineer, after all.”

The same doubts that had plagued Nastya back in the kitchen poked at her again. That she wasn’t qualified, that she couldn’t do it. That it had been too long. Once again, Nastya shook those thoughts free from their moorings. She was more than qualified. She’d tended to the ship for eons. She could do this. 

“Of course I can, Ashes. I’ll need a bit more time to properly create new ports for the wires, but what I can do right now is unplug and untangle the wires in the panel, so there’s enough space for the blood vessels.”

With that, Ashes stepped aside to let Nastya do her work. Nastya gently opened the panel all the way, and started carefully working with the wires and blood vessels. As Nastya effortlessly untangled the mess of wires within this panel, she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. It had been so long since she’d been close to Aurora like this, so long that she could barely remember.

When Nastya finished, with tears starting to silently run down her face, she stepped back and saw Ashes standing next to her. Their arms were outstretched, and a sad and understanding smile graced their face. 

“Hey, Nastya? I’ve got you, you can cry, it’s alright.”

“I know Ashes, I know.” Nastya replied, her voice breaking on the last word. 

With that, the dam that was holding back her tears broke. Nastya started to sob, long and hard. All of the feelings she had been shoving down for so long flooded through her. All of the devastation she’d felt at Aurora changing. All of the sadness, pain, and regret she’d felt going Out. All of the fear and soul deep loneliness she’d felt while being in space. And all of the frustration of trying to figure out a new way now that she was In. All of it hit Nastya square in the chest, and she crumpled under the emotional weight of it.

Ashes caught her on her way to the floor, and pulled her close into a gentle and all encompassing hug. Nastya wept, soaking Ashes’ trusty jacket with her tears. For the first time in almost a millenia, her tears were hot. Ashes held her long and hard, with a few stray tears escaping their eyes as well.

“It’s okay, I got you.” Ashes whispered. “I can’t even imagine how hard shit must be for you right now. But I’ve got you, and universe knows Brian does too. That robot has really stepped up.”

Nastya weakly nodded. Ashes then continued. 

“Y’know Nastya, you should try and talk to Aurora. I’m still not sure what happened between you and her, and none of the crew really knows either. Jonny is the one who knows the most, but we both know better than to trust his word without some serious backup. Which, ‘course, he doesn’t have.”

Ashes paused, and sighed sadly. 

“Nastya. Have you noticed Aurora’s been silent since you’ve gotten back?”

Nastya gave a small gasp, and looked Ashes in the eye intently. 

“She was talking to you before I got here? I thought she lost her capacity for speech when…”

“Nah, Nastya. I talked to her sometimes, while you were gone. But it was mostly Brian. Talking about the spiders and stuff like that. He kept her company.”

“Oh. So she can talk….”

“She isn’t as different as you might think, Nastya. She’s changed, ‘course, but not anymore than any of us have. And she’s missed you Nastya. She talked about you all the time, kept your memory alive. But she’s been dead silent since you got In. I honestly have no idea what that means. Only more reason you should talk to her. You know her the best out of all of us.”

“But how much of the ship I fell in love with is left, Ashes? According to you, she’s not as dead as I thought, but still. Is she still Aurora?”

“There’s only one way to find out, Nastya. You aren’t going to get that answer from me.”

“I know.”

With that, Ashes pulled Nastya even closer, with Nastya’s chin now resting on their shoulder. 

“Please, promise me you’ll at least think about talking to her. Worst comes to worst, you know for sure that she’s gone, and you can properly move on. But you’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

Nastya sighed, and replied, “I’ll think about it, Ashes.”

“That works for me.”

Ashes then clapped Nastya on the back, and the duo separated.

Ashes then asked, “C’mon. Wanna go back to the Common? ‘M sure that the rest of the crew would miss us if we’re not there when they wake up.”

Nastya replied, “Yeah. That sounds good, Ashes. Thank you.”

Ashes then smiled, and draped their arm over Nastya’s shoulder. They both then made their way out of the depths of the Aurora, back to the Common.

\---

Nastya made her way back to the Common, Ashes in tow. She quickly found her way back to her spot on the couch. When she sat down next to Brian once again, she felt him tug her closer to him, humming contentedly. He was very warm at this point, from both the combined heat of the bodies near him and from his engines working. He was always a bit warm, and right now it comforted Nastya immensely. The warmth that emanated from Brian’s body seeped into her body, warming her from head to toe. Nastya felt her muscles unclenching, and she slowly started to wind down again. Ashes took their spot back as well, softly pushing away Tim, who had flopped in the space they’d left behind. When Ashes settled in next to Nastya, they took pity on Tim, and picked him up so he was leaning on them. Tim mumbled happily, and grabbed Ashes’ arm. Ashes rolled their eyes a bit, but sighed fondly. Nastya took a cue from Tim, letting Ashes put an arm around her and Brian.

In the silence, there was a small question that nagged at the edge of Nastya’s mind. She’d turned it in her head since her moment with Marius in the lab. Here in the darkness, she felt brave enough to ask for an answer. 

“Ashes,” Nastya asked, breaking the silence, “by no means do you need to answer, but I’m curious. What did you all do when I was gone?”

There was silence, and Nastya was about to give up on an answer when Ashes spoke up.

“We mainly looked for you. First in the Yggdrasil system, then every surrounding system that wasn’t destroyed. We...well, it was hard, ‘specially after the Bifrost happened. We were all afraid you’d been swallowed up. And even if you hadn’t, space is big. You and I both know that. The chances of finding you were slim to none, even with your biological connection to Aurora. We all missed you so much, you have no idea.”

Nastya frowned, and replied, “Well, I’m sure you all missed me. You’ve made that very apparent since I’ve gotten back, which I really appreciate. But...where’s Jonny been? I heard you talking to Marius about him.”

“He’s been busy being angsty, like a wanker.” Ashes muttered. “Still, can’t be too hard on him. Out of all of us, you being gone was toughest for him. He really missed you.”

“He missed me? I figured he didn’t care if I left or not from what he said at the airlock to me when I was leaving.”

Ashes sucked in a breath, and carefully asked, “What did he say?”

Nastya slowly replied, “He made fun of me and Aurora. Called me a cablefucker, the bastard. Usually I wouldn’t give a shit, but that was the exact wrong moment. And then, he just, let me go. Took his hand off my shoulder and let me go Out the airlock. So I didn’t expect him to miss me.”

Ashes’ eyes widened for a moment, as if they understood something that had eluded them before, devastation written clearly on their face. But it was only for a moment, their face returning to a neutral expression before they spoke again. 

“I’ll talk to him, Nastya, ‘k? He’s got a lot to answer to, anyways. But for now, get some sleep. You need it.”

“Alright. That sounds good.”

Nastya then settled, and closed her eyes. She felt her breaths even out, as well as Ashes’. Before she fully fell asleep, though, Nastya whispered out Ashes’ name.

“Ashes?”

“Yeah, Nas…?” Ashes mumbled sleepily.

“I missed you. I really, really missed you. I hope you know that.”

Ashes fell silent for a moment, and Nastya heard a small sniffle come from Ashes. 

“I missed you too, Nastya. You have no idea.” Ashes replied. 

With that, Ashes tugged Nastya to their side even more tightly. Nastya could feel the rise and fall of Ashes’ mechanical lungs. Ashes lungs were like the bellows of a factory, their movement constant and steady. Nastya matched the rhythm of her breaths to Ashes, and she soon fell deeply asleep once more. She didn’t wake up again until the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love ashes so much oh my god :pleading:
> 
> im at 796 hits rn and it makes me wanna dance on the rooftops, thank you so so so so much, the attention this has gotten means the world to me
> 
> im over the moon when you write comments, they make me so so so happy!!!! btw, my tumblr is @yalejosie if you wanna yell at me there!!
> 
> anyways xmas is almost here so for all who celebrate, have a very merry xmas!!! and to everyone, have the happiest of new years! goodness knows weve all earned it!
> 
> stay safe, and stay healthy!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonny finally faces his demons with a bit of help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hewwoooooooooo!!!!
> 
> so for all of yall on the mechscord, this is the Big One i was talking about, a whole 5k of it! i really enjoyed writing this, as jonny is deliciously fun to kick around! hope you guys like it!

Jonny would spit at someone if they said he looked guilty. He’d bite back and reply, no, I’m not _guilty_ . Guilt is for people who have a conscience, which I do _not_ have, thank you very much. He’d then go hunt a stowaway for sport to blow off some steam. 

However, the emotion that overwhelmed Jonny the minute Nastya went Out was undoubtedly guilt. It ate at him from the outside in, rotting him away. He was there, he could’ve been more firm, he could’ve not been an asshole one fucking time, Jonny had yelled at himself internally. But he hadn’t, and now Nastya was _gone_. 

It would be natural, then, for the guilt to dissipate when Nastya was rescued from the depths of space. However, the moment that Jonny held her cold, motionless body in his arms on the floor of the airlock room, the guilt that had seized his gut flooded through his whole body, his heart saturated with horror and guilt and sorrow. Those feelings didn’t subside when Nastya woke up, or when she was taken to the medbay, or even the moment Jonny heard her crawling through the vents, safe and sound. No, Jonny’s feelings still tore at him like rabid dogs, rending and tearing. 

Jonny was not used to feeling emotions. He had made a point of not letting things affect him too deeply. The Doc had said he’d had a good heart, and unfortunately for him, that heart’s mushy, emotional whims had stayed with him, even after mechanization. Still, after countless millennia in space, it took a lot for Jonny D’Ville to feel guilt. However, even his high threshold for emotional turmoil was met when Nastya left. 

Jonny’s primary ways to deal with emotions were to stomp them out and shoot them out, which he did happily. He haunted the innards of the starship Aurora like a misbegotten spectre, shooting at every small thing he could, and feeling his boots connect loudly with the metal ground beneath his feet. Often accompanied with these outings was the distinct scent of whiskey, which lingered in the halls long after Jonny left. 

Jonny knew the crew didn’t get it, nor did he feel like explaining himself. He knew that they must sneer at him for not being there as Nastya readjusted. He couldn’t explain to the others why his stomach did loopedy-loops whenever he thought about going up to Nastya, or even getting close to her. So Jonny stuck to shooting at the walls in a guilt induced rage. He turned his anguish to crimson as red as freshly bled blood, and hoped it would be enough to chase the demons away. Little did he know he would have to confront them sooner than he hoped (which was close to never).

Marius had come to tell Jonny about a movie night the evening before, and been told to fuck off by the cowboy. Jonny didn’t want to have to deal with the rest of the crew looking at him with annoyance, or worse, pity. He especially didn’t want to look at Nastya. The feelings that would’ve coursed through him would’ve been unbearable. So Jonny told Marius to fuck off, and the baron left with a sad sigh leaving his lips. After that, more guilt and more anguish had bubbled up, and Jonny had left his room to go stomp around the ship more. He felt better as he saw the blood of a few misguided stowaways splatter onto the floor, but it only seemed like more guilt rose up to replace the feeling that had been let loose.

Jonny hadn’t realized how long he’d been out and about until he absentmindedly found himself in the Common. He saw that the day cycle had begun again, and the room had been cleared of blankets, pillows, and crewmates alike. He felt even worse over the fact that he’d truly missed the movie night, that he couldn’t grumpily make his way under the crook of someone’s arm and feel the warmth of someone else beside him. Jonny wondered if anyone had missed him, or if they’d simply laughed over what an asshole their First Mate was. At that thought, that sad, anguished, and above all else guilty feeling returned in full force. Jonny decided that if shooting shit wasn’t working, then maybe getting some sleep would. He wouldn’t have to deal with feelings in dreams, after all. 

On his way back to the room he shared with Ashes, he heard his name called. He followed the direction the voice came from, and realized it’d been Nastya who had mentioned him. He stood near the entrance of the room she was talking in, and heard Ashes as well. He quietly eavesdropped on their conversation.

“Ashes, why do you think Jonny isn’t talking to me?” Nastya asked, her eyes cast down mournfully. “Did something happen to him while I was gone?”

Ashes sighed, and replied, “Nothing that I know of. I have my hunches about why he isn’t talking to ya, Nastya, but I don’t know anything for sure. I wouldn’t go talk to him, though. Y’know how prickly he can get.”

Nastya nodded, and replied, “Thank you, Ashes. I appreciate you being there for me, last night.”

“My pleasure, Nastya. I’ll try and talk to him, okay?”

“Okay.”

After that, hearing Ashes start to make their way out of the room, Jonny scrambled away. He rocketed away down the hall towards his room, his emotions burning even more intensely now, making him feel like an asteroid entering the atmosphere of a planet, flaming and broking apart. He made it to his room in record time, hoping he hadn’t been caught eavesdropping. He didn’t need even more remorse on his chest.

Jonny made his way to the room he shared with Ashes. There were only seven pods after all, and nine crewmates. When Marius and Raphaella had joined, it had been decided that a few of the crewmates would have to share a room. Ashes had immediately grabbed Jonny, and, in their words, volunteered them as tribute. Since then, Jonny and Ashes had shared a room. Jonny just hoped that Ashes wouldn’t find him here now. 

Jonny slammed open the door, and stumbled into his messy half of the room. He didn’t even bother to get into bed, electing to collapse in a pile on the floor. Jonny just sat there, taking swigs from an old whiskey bottle he’d picked up from the floor, and feeling more shitty than he could remember for a long time. 

Then, Ashes walked in. They had a disapproving scowl on their face, and Jonny groaned. 

“Thought you’d be in here. We need to talk.”

“Shut up, Ashes. I don’t feel like talking to you right now.”

“Doesn’t matter to me if you want to talk or not, D’Ville. You got shit to answer to.”

Jonny laughed harshly, and took another sip of the whiskey before continuing. The whiskey burned as it slid down his throat, and he turned that heat back onto Ashes.

“What the _hell_ do I have to own up to Ashes?”

Ashes bit back, the tone of their voice taking on teeth of its own. 

“A lot. Nastya, mostly. To the fact you’re being an asshole to her when she’s _just_ gotten back.”

“How am I being an asshole?”

“This isn’t some sort of joke! You’re not talking to her at all, hell, you haven’t even looked her in the eye!”

Jonny glanced away from Ashes. They didn’t need to see the regret flashing in his eyes. However, his guilt had apparently been etched into his very body language, and Ashes softened before continuing. 

“Jonny, please explain. I know you’re an emotionally repressed asshole, but you’re hurting Nasta when she’s already super vulnerable. So, please, just _tell_ me-”

Jonny pounded his fists on the floor. His voice was ragged, breath still stinking of whiskey, and as he yelled, tears started to prick the corners of his eyes. 

“Don’t tell me I’m _fucking_ hurting her, Ashes! Don’t look me in the eyes and tell me it’d be better if I went and talked to her, okay?! I don’t have the _right_ , Ashes, I don’t have the fucking _right_ . I _let her go!_ ”

“Oh Jonny…” Ashes cut in, trying to calm Jonny down by putting their hand on his shoulder. However, Jonny could not be calmed. A storm had been unleashed, and its howls could be heard in every cracked word that streamed from Jonny’s mouth. 

“I _let her go_ , and I couldn’t _do_ anything! What’s the fucking point, Ashes, tell me, what’s the fucking point of writing goddamn songs and narrations and whatever the hell if I couldn’t find the words to make her _stay_ ? The one time, the _one time_ it really, _really_ mattered for me to find the right words, and they were just _gone_ . All I had on me was a taunt over her fucking the ship. No wonder she left. Why would she stay in a place where she’s just made fun of? And even worse, even _worse_ , I haven’t been able to look her in the eye since she got back because I feel so _fucking_ guilty. Because I feel like if I look her in the eyes, all that I’m gonna see is hate. Hate I deserve, by the way, for not _being_ there for her.”

Jonny stopped for a moment. His voice was starting to get softer and more raw as he kept going, with more and more tears starting to gather in his eyes. When he started speaking again, his voice was painted in deep shades of heartache and regret.

“I fucked up royally, Ashes, and I have literally no idea how to fix it. I don’t even think I can, at this point. The best thing I can do for Nastya is stay out of her way, out of her second shot. I blew my chance already, and I don’t need to drag her down with me.”

When Jonny was done, angry tears were streaming down his face. Any other time, he would’ve scrubbed at his eyes and left the room, but he couldn’t right now. He was utterly spent. 

Ashes let him have a moment of silence, and replied, “Are you done?”

Jonny squawked back, “What do you mean _am I done_?”

“ ‘Mean what I say, Jonny.”

“....yeah.”

“Okay then. First off, yeah, y’know what? What you did was kinda shitty, Jonny. There’s no getting around that. And that might always live between you and Nastya. But here’s the thing: this isn’t the end of the story. We both know that even though we damn our mechanisms every day of our eternal lives, our lives are just that: eternal. We have all the time in the universe to change whatever we want, D’ville. Fix things too, on occasion. I don’t know what’ll happen if you go talk to Nastya. But I do know that the worst thing you could do is not try. Out of all of us besides Aurora, you were closest to Nastya. Why do you think she asked me why you weren’t talking to her?”

Jonny gasped. 

“You saw me eavesdropping?” he asked. 

“No offense, but you are about as stealthy as a fucking fireworks show” Ashes replied. “Anyways, that’s besides the point. Point is, she misses you terribly. She wants to see you again, talk to you. I can tell that much. You owe her a chance to fix your relationship. And owe yourself that chance, too. Now, c’mere.”

With that, Ashes pulled Jonny up from the ground, and close to their chest in a tight hug. Jonny usually wasn’t one to cry, but he couldn’t help himself in this moment. He looked very small in Ashes’ arms, almost childlike in his vulnerability. As Ashes held him, he silently sobbed, soaking their shirt with his tears. Ashes hushed him soothingly, rubbing circles on his back. As they held him, Ashes piped up, a few tears falling onto Jonny as they spoke.

“Y’know Jonny, I’ve been thinking about all this too. We all fucked up, every last one of us. We didn’t notice her getting bad, we didn’t see her get to the point where she wanted to leave for good, _die_ for good. But that happened, and we didn’t realize what we did until she was gone. Honestly, even now, I think we don’t all fully realize what we did to her. But the best we can do is be there for her _now_ , Jonny. There’s no better time than right now to fix shit. So give her a try for me, _please_ . You’ll never know if you don’t at least _try_.”

Jonny whispered back, “Alright, Ashes, alright. I promise. I promise I’ll try. I’ll go talk to her soon.”

“Let’s get some sleep first though, hm? From the looks of it you haven’t gotten a wink in a while.”

“Yeah. Yeah that sounds good.”

Jonny got up off the floor, and crawled into his bed. Ashes clambered in after him, pulling the threadbare covers over the two of them.

“Jonny?”

“Yeah Ashes?”

“Why the fuck are your covers so thin?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“We’re getting you better blankets when we make landfall, D’ville.”

“Is that a threat?”

“And a fucking promise, asshole. Now, go to sleep.”

“Fine, fine.”

They both fell asleep holding each other, with their tears barely dried. 

\---

Nastya was hanging out with Brian in the navigation room that day. They were both laughing over the story of an old adventure that Brian was telling. 

“So then, Jonny, being Jonny of course, he tried to battle the locals to a sled battle, seeing who could get down the mountain faster. That race was something out of a comedy, I swear. He hit every single rock, and took every wrong turn. The whole crew laughed so hard, our faces were _frozen_ with our own tears. Personally, my face got corroded. I usually try not to laugh, but I couldn’t help myself. We didn’t let him live that down for a good 50 years.”

Nastya laughed along, adding in, “Jonny has the worst coordination of anyone I’ve ever met. How the hell did he think he was going to make it down a mountain on a _sled_ of all things?”  
  


Suddenly, the doors to the navigation room opened, and Ashes stepped in. 

“Hey Brian, hey Nastya. Do you guys have a minute?” they asked.

“Yeah of course, Ashes. What do you need?” Brian replied. 

“Well, I got a letter for Nastya from our resident angst machine.” Ashes announced with a knowing smirk. 

Nastya sat up straight in her chair, and stared at Ashes. 

“You got a letter from Jonny?”

“Yep. Told me not to look at it, and I kept my word, so I have zero idea about what’s in there. Have fun.”

Ashes then handed the folded up letter to Nastya, and made their way out of the engine room with a small wave.

As soon as Ashes was out of the room, Nastya unfolded the letter, and started to read. Her eyes grew wide as she read, and she looked ready to spring out of her chair. 

“Nastya, what does it say? If you don’t mind sharing, of course.” Brian asked softly.

“No, I don’t mind at all. I’ll tell you right now.” Nastya replied. She then cleared her throat, and started to read the letter aloud. 

_Dear Nastya,_

_Look, I’m not usually someone who writes letters, but what’s happening right now is far from usual. I just want you to know that I missed you so much, and I really want to talk to you. To patch things up, if you want to. I know I was an asshole when you left, and I’m so, so sorry. It’s your choice to forgive me or not, but it would be great if you did, because I really, really care about you. Meet me in the vents. You know the place._

_From Your_ ~~ _Captain_~~ ~~_First Mate_~~ _Brother,_

_Jonny_

  
  


Both Nastya and Brian were tearing up by the time Nastya was done reading out the letter. 

“I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen him be so, well, honest. With himself or anyone else.” Brian remarked quietly. “Nastya, you _gotta_ go talk to him.”

Nastya replied, “You really think so? Do you really think he means what he says, or is he just trying to get off the hook?”

Brian looked Nastya in the eyes before continuing.

“Nastya, you and I have both seen Jonny when he’s just trying to get out of trouble. And we can both tell that this isn’t one of those times. We’ve known Jonny for a long, long time, Nastya, especially you. It’s your choice to forgive him or not, but don’t pretend that he isn’t trying.”

Nastya nodded, and replied, “You’re right Brian, I’m just nervous. It’s been so long since I’ve talked to him…”

“If you’re worried about him hating you, you shouldn’t be. He considers himself your brother, after all. He wouldn’t sign the letter like that for no reason. What does he have to gain by being emotionally honest with you, after all?”

“Nothing, absolutely _nothing_ …” 

Nastya paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, she sounded more determined than she had in a long time. 

“I have to go talk to him.”

“Well then, no better time than the present, hm?”

“Yes, quite. Thank you Brian. I’ll see you later?”

Brian smiled kindly.

“Of course, Nastya. Good luck.”

Nastya replied with a nod and a smile, and then ran out of the navigation room, tearing open the doors and sprinting down the hall to the nearest entrance to the vents. 

\---

Nastya made a beeline for the vents above the Doc’s old lab. When Nastya and Jonny had first been on the ship together, it had been their favorite haunt. They’d huddled up there together, Nastya still getting used to the constant cold that emanated from the inside of her newly mechanized body. Jonny had held her then, trying to keep her warm and calm her down. As Nastya crawled through the vents, she desperately tried to remember the last time Jonny had held her. 

Nastya was starting to lose hope of finding Jonny in the maze of the ship’s vents when she finally found him. He was sitting down, nervously fidgeting with his hands. Jonny had evidently heard her arrive, as he picked up his head and stared at her. He looked at her like he was seeing the face of a ghost that had come back to life. As his eyes welled up with tears, Nastya could feel tears forming in her eyes as well. 

“Can I hug you?” Jonny asked in a heart achingly shy voice. 

Nastya nodded, a small smile adorning her face. 

Jonny scrambled forward, grabbing Nastya and pulling her into the tightest hug she could remember. Nastya returned the gesture in full force, tugging Jonny even closer and squeezing him tightly. They were both crying at this point, their shirts getting soaked with tears, but it didn’t matter. 

“I didn’t think I was going to see you again. I thought the last thing I’d ever say to you was a stupid jab at you and Aurora.” Jonny got out through his tears. 

“I know, and I forgive you. It’s okay. I’m just glad you don’t hate _me_.” Nastya replied, equally teary. 

“Why would I hate _you?_ You didn’t do anything wrong. I get why you left, as much as it killed me. I’m not even remotely mad at that, by the way, I’ve just been insanely upset with myself.”

Nastya smirked. 

“Does the heartless Jonny D’ville feel _guilty?_ I thought you said you didn’t _have_ a conscience.”

“Yeah, yeah, shuddup.” Jonny replied as Nastya giggled for a moment. When Nastya stopped, he continued.

“Still don’t get why you’d think I’d hate you, Nastya. Don’t deflect, c’mon now. I’m at least _trying_ to be honest.”

Nastya sighed, before admitting, “Well, I thought you’d hate me for leaving. I knew that a ton of people who have been important to you had left, and I chose to become one of them. You can’t argue that that’s not shitty of me.”

Jonny replied, “That’s fair, and damn did it hurt. But you came back. You’re back, and you’re trying, and I’m so insanely proud of you. You’re fucking killing it.”

Nastya smiled. “Thanks, Jonny. That means a lot. Now that we’ve seen each other, _please_ don’t go guilt stomping around the ship anymore. If you’re feeling shitty, just come to me, okay? I got your back.”

“Yeah, alright Nastya. And come to me if shit gets hard for you, okay? I’d rather you come into my room and talk shit out then do something stupid like throw yourself out an airlock. You know I’m always happy to just hold you.”

“I know, Jonny, I know.”

They spent a moment in silence, just holding each other, until Nastya piped up.

“As touching as this is, it would be really nice if we could continue this in the Common. Might be nicer to be on a couch than here in the vents. We don’t need to hide, you know.”

“Yeah, Nastya, alright. Let’s go.”

Nastya and Jonny let go of each other, and they crawled together back towards the Common in search of a comfy couch to lay on. 

\---

Brian went to look for Nastya a few hours after she’d left the navigation room. He was a little nervous about how her reunion with Jonny had gone, and he wanted to make sure she was doing alright. 

“Nastya! Are you up there?” Brian called up into the vents as he walked through the halls. 

Brian’s nerves started to rise, making his body feel tingly and electric. The vision of his prophetic dreams flashed in front of his eyes, and he started to panic. What if the meeting had gone badly? What if Nastya had gone out the airlock in her grief and anger over a reunion gone awry? Brian would ask if Aurora knew, but she’d been virtually silent since Nastya had woken up, which was a whole other issue Brian couldn’t even _think_ about right now. 

Brian ran through the ship, making his way all over while calling out Nastya’s name. He’d checked almost every part of the ship when he made his way to the Common. Brian didn’t think she’d be there, but he thought it might be worth a shot. Luckily, Brian was proven wrong when he walked into the Common. As he walked in, the fear and panic drained from his body, and he sighed in relief and fondness. 

Jonny and Nastya were curled up together on the couch, dead asleep. Jonny was clutching the fabric of the arm of Nastya’s jacket, with Nastya’s arm being draped over him. Nastya was starfished out on the couch, while Jonny was curled into a small ball. It was the most adorable thing Brian had seen since he’d first met the octokittens. 

“Welp, looks like they worked their shit out.” Ashes remarked, a satisfied grin on their face.

Brian hadn’t noticed Ashes walk in, but they were now standing next to the robot, and was also watching Jonny and Nastya asleep on the couch. 

"Oh, Ashes. How do you know about all this?"

"Talked to Jonny. I was the one who convinced the bastard to talk to Nastya in the first place."

"Ah, figures. As much as I love Marius, you're by far the emotional authority of this ship."

"Don't flatter me, Drumbot. It's part of my job as the quartermaster, and also part of being a good friend. We all know we don't have anyone else in the universe but each other."

"That's fair, but still. Good job."

"Thanks. By the way, you've been stepping up too. Everyone sees it, Brian, trust me. I don't know how you get Nastya but...I appreciate it. A lot."

Brian blushed a bit, and replied, "Well, I've been through the gauntlet of being lost in the cosmos. It was the least I could do, for a fellow wanderer and a dear friend."

After that, Brian and Ashes stood silently, appreciating the moment. Then, Ashes suddenly burst out. 

"Drumbot, I've been thinking. We should do another movie night."

"Another one? We just had one last night?" Brian replied.

"Yeah, but we already got what, twenty percent of the crew already on the couch? Plus, our poor resident bastard deserves _some_ kinda reward for actually being emotionally honest for once."

Brian hummed thoughtfully, and then replied. 

"If you get Marius to run around and gather everyone else, I'll make a cake?"

"Done deal, Brian."

Ashes then strode out of the room, calling out for Marius. Brian made his way to the kitchen, putting on his signature “important cooking” apron. It had originally read “Kiss the Cook”, but the “Kiss” had been crossed out with “Thank”, and at the end of the sentence, “for everything he does on this ship, Jonny!” had been added. (It had been a gift from the crew on one of the anniversaries of him joining The Mechanisms).

Brian wasn’t in the kitchen for long before Marius and Raphaella burst in, chattering excitedly.

“Heya Brian!” Marius exclaimed, “Already ran around and told everyone about Movie Night 2.0, so I figured Raph and I could help with the cake in here!”

Raph lifted up a few beakers of bubbling liquid, and added, “I’ve got this handy little concoction here that’ll make the cake rise 2.5 times quicker!”

Brian sighed deeply, and slid his hand across his face. He knew that Marius and Raphaella could be a great help when they weren’t wreaking havoc, but it was hard to get them to settle down. Hopefully, he could convince them to actually help him with making this cake. 

“Please, no chemicals. I would really appreciate the help, but I would prefer the cake not being poisonous tonight.”

Raphaella grumbled a bit as she stuffed the vials back in her pockets, but she still did it. Brian let out a small sigh of relief, and then clapped his hands together. 

“Okay, Marius, if you could start the batter, and Raphaella, could you help me with the frosting? That would be great.”

With three people working instead of one, the cake was made in no time at all. There was barely a hitch, except for when Ashes walked into the kitchen with a lighter aflame. 

“Y’know, a bit of fire might help the cake along. Caramelize the top, and whatnot.”

Brian very quickly put a halt to whatever fiery thoughts were burning in Ashes’ mind by replying, “Ashes, no. The last thing this cake needs is fire. Could you help frost the top? You’ve got steady hands.”

“Sure. Can I write whatever I want?”

“Sure, why not?”

After the first layer of icing was applied by Raphaella and Marius, the finishing touch was added by Ashes. They cackled softly as they frosted the top in loopy lettering. When Ashes was done, the top of the cake read, “Congrats on being emotionally honest, asshole.” As soon as they read it, Marius and Raphaella laughed along with Ashes. Usually, Brian would feel guilty about letting them laugh at Jonny, but he knew it was all in good fun. There was no sourness behind their giggles, as they _had_ just made him a cake, after all. 

Soon, the cake was brought into the Common. Waiting on the couch was the rest of the crew. Luckily, a space next to Nastya and Jonny had been left on either side. On Jonny’s left, Tim was sitting on the ground, leaning against the couch. On Nastya’s right, Ivy and Toy Soldier leaned against each other as they whispered excitedly. Blankets had been procured, and draped over the crewmates gathered around the couch and the sleeping pile of Jonny and Nastya. Brian sat down next to Nastya, and Ashes sat down next to Jonny. 

“So, what’re we watching tonight?” Tim asked, looking up at Ashes with a curious grin. 

“I think we should put on Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”, they replied.

Everyone else in the room besides Brian and Toy Soldier groaned. 

“Oh c’mon, the bastard’s not even awake! Why should we put on _his_ favorite movie?” Marius whined. 

“Because. Now c’mon, someone get the DVD.”

Ivy got up, found the DVD, and pushed it into the CD player. As the TV started to flicker with light, Jonny woke up.

\---

When Jonny woke up, he felt warm. As comfy as Nastya was, she was never warm. He looked up, and saw Ashes by his side. They were watching a movie, which Jonny recognized as his favorite, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. He also realized that most of the crew was there as well. 

“Wha...what’s happening?” Jonny sleepily asked as he woke up.

“Oh, hey Jonny. Welcome back to the land of the living. We got cake for you, by the way.” Ashes replied.

Jonny hopped up off the couch to go fetch a slice of cake for himself. 

“Why thank you, Ashes! This is the proper amount of respect a crew should have for their-”

Jonny stopped in the middle of his sentence as he read what had been written on the cake, opening and closing his mouth like a washed up fish. The rest of the crew, especially Marius and Raphaella, giggled at the sight of Jonny’s reaction.

Jonny crossed his arms, walked back to the couch and leaned against it huffily. He looked around at the crew, and remarked, “I’d usually shoot one of you guys for that, but I am way too tired to load my gun right now. Plus, Nastya’s asleep, so no shooting for now. But just _know_ I’ll get all of you back for that.”

Ashes smiled softly. “Fine then, D’Ville. What _do_ you want to do, then?”

Jonny replied by squirming his way under Ashes’ arm, blushing slightly in embarrassment. Ashes just chuckled, and held him tighter to their side.

When Jonny fell asleep again, he was positioned under the crook of Ashes’ arm, Nastya curled by his side. If someone said Jonny was happy, though, he would vehemently deny it. (He was happy though, happier than he had been since Nastya went Out.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jonny and nastya siblings,,,,,good,,,,
> 
> so yeah! i just hit 900 hits, which is fucking insane, so i just wanna take a moment to thank yall. writing this fic has been one of the greatest experiences this year, and with this being the last ch of 2020 unless i pull some serious bullshit, then yeah! thank you all so much!!!
> 
> once again, comments make me happier than yall will ever fully comprehend!! my tumblr is yalejosie if you wanna scream at me on there, so feel free! have a wonderful day, stay happy, stay healthy, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! GOOOOODBYE 2020 :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurora and Nastya finally talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo this is gonna be a bit of a doozy of a chapter note, but i want to make sure that everyone can understand this chapter lol
> 
> first of all! aurora is canonically kinda fleshy! i tried to do it in the most canon compliant way i could! and if aurora is fleshy, then the ship of theseus thing cannot hold up for aurora, which means that canonically nastya was kinda wrong about aurora being completely gone! hooray!
> 
> also, a quick glossary of russian terms of endearment, bc i literally couldnt help myself
> 
> solnyshko - my sunshine
> 
> lyubov moya - my love
> 
> moya zvezda - my star
> 
> enjoy!!! ive been outlining this chapter since i started this fic, so im VERY excited to see what yall think!!!!

A realization was starting to dawn on Nastya, as obvious and unavoidable as a sunrise. 

She was taking a page from Jonny’s playbook that day, circling the ship aimlessly, feeling the click of her boots against metal. Nastya felt a mix of conflicting emotions swirling in her chest. They concerned the very ship she was walking in. Nastya was trying to reconcile two irreconcilable truths: her former love was in fact alive, and she wasn’t talking to Nastya. Nastya wasn’t sure how to process both of these facts. It was now clear to Nastya that the ship was, in fact, still alive beyond her changed metal, her veins and systems growing and changing. She’d seen it when fixing its wiring and blood vessels. Beyond that, apparently the ship had been talking to Ashes and Brian somehow. Nastya wasn’t sure how. Her language had changed and Nastya had never learned the new version, which had led to the beginning of the decline of their relationship. If Nastya had been unable to talk to the ship, how could Ashes or Brian? And if she could talk after all, why wasn’t the ship talking to Nastya? 

As Nastya turned these questions in her head over and over, she stumbled upon Gunpowder Tim’s armory. He was sitting in there polishing his guns, whistling to himself. Brian sat nearby, idly strumming his banjo with his eyes gently closed. They didn’t initially notice Nastya walk in and take a seat next to Brian, which she appreciated. It was nice to let her thoughts be washed away for a moment by the rhythmic strums of the banjo and the ambient background noise of Tim polishing his guns.

Soon, though, Tim happened to look up and see Nastya sitting next to him and Brian. 

“Hey Nastya, what’s up? You never come into the armory.” Tim greeted her.

“I felt like it. I have a lot on my mind.” Nastya replied. 

Brian stopped playing the banjo, and opened his eyes. He looked Nastya in the eyes, and asked gently, “It’s about Aurora, isn’t it?”

Nastya sucked in a noise of surprise. 

“How did you know?” she replied.

“Because, I knew you’d have to confront your feelings about her at some point. She is the reason you left, right?”

Nastya solemnly nodded. Both Tim and Brian scooched closer to Nastya.

“Nastya,” Brian asked, “do you want advice?”

Nastya replied softly, “Yes, that would be greatly appreciated.”

“Then, can you tell us the exact reason you left, if you’re able to? That way, I can have a better picture on what’s going on.”

Nastya sighed before answering, “Yes. I think I’m ready to now, anyways.”

She then started to speak softly, with Brian and Tim listening intently. 

“I left because I felt like a ghost. I felt like a ghost, haunting somewhere I didn’t belong. And it didn’t help that everyone was changing more than I liked. Of course the ship was changing, but so were you guys. Every single day, it felt like you were all morphing into people I barely recognized. It was all too much, and losing my love was the last straw. When Aur- the ship stopped talking to me, I didn’t know what to, beyond giving the ship I knew a proper funeral and leaving. No sense in staying somewhere I didn’t belong, with no one who loved me.” 

When Nastya stopped for a moment, both Brian and Tim looked crestfallen. She continued though, trying to ignore the guilt that was painted in broad strokes across both their expressions.

“And now I don’t know what to do. I’ve reconciled with the crew, of course. You have all made me feel so loved, which I appreciate more than you will all ever know. But I didn't leave because of all of you, as much as I left because of my former lover. What if she went silent again because she refuses to talk to me?"

When Nastya finished talking, Brian began to speak a bit. 

"Well, I'm glad you're starting to realize how loved you are, Nastya. And it makes me even happier to see you realize that change isn't an inherently bad thing. You’ve changed so much just in the time since you've made it back to the Aurora, and it has been wonderful. I've talked to Aurora, and she was so worried about you when you were gone. She missed you terribly. I'm sure if you talked to her…"

Brian trailed off, looking like he was unable to find the words he wanted to say. 

That's when Tim leaned over to pat Brian's shoulder, and he said, "Can I take this one?"

Brian nodded and leaned back, letting Tim get close to Nastya.

"Nastya," Tim asked, "You listening to me?"

"Yeah." Nastya replied. 

"Good. I need you to know something. You know Bertie, right? From the Moon War? Well, as if it isn't obvious as hell already, I was in love with him. And it hurt worse than anything else to lose him, so much that I blew up the goddamn moon. So I know how you feel, Nastya. I really do."

Tim was starting to tear up at this point, which caused Nastya to as well. She'd never seen Tim be this vulnerable with anyone. Sure, she'd always known that he had big emotions trapped in his chest, waiting to burst like a timebomb, but she'd never seen him express them in such a soft way before. 

"But here's the difference between you and I, Nastya. I can't get any version of Bertie back, not now, not ever. But Aurora is still here, Nastya. Different, sure, but still here. You still have a chance to love her again. Y'know, maybe it won't work out. Maybe you'll waltz into the engine room and she'll flat out not forgive you. Maybe she'll never forgive you. But goddammit Nastya, she loves you. Aurora is as fucked as the rest of us, but she loves you more than anything or anyone else in the world, even now. Who do you think let us know you were out there in the void?"

Nastya gasped. She hadn't known how the crew had found her, and hadn't bothered to ask. Mechanisms always made it back to the ship somehow, after all. Nastya hadn't considered for a second that it had been her love that had found her, floating alone in the cold. That the love of her life was the one that gave her a second chance. 

"I'm going to talk to her right now. Thank you, Tim. You too Brian." Nastya cried. 

As she ran out the door, though, someone caught her by the shoulder. She turned around to see Brian, a look of kindness and concern shining on his metallic face. 

"Nastya, remember. Aurora has changed as much as you have, maybe more. Try and remember that when you talk to her, alright? There's no sense in trying to resurrect a dead memory when you're trying to rekindle a relationship. Okay?"

"Of course, Brian. Thank you for everything."

With that, Brian let go, and Nastya sped out of the room. 

\---

A long, long time ago, Aurora had heard Ivy talking to Brian about a whale. She said it was called the Hertz whale, and that it spoke at a frequency no other whale could hear. While it had roamed the oceans, it had been known as the loneliest whale alive. Aurora had never forgotten about that whale. When she had first heard its sorrowful tale, she'd merely felt sympathy for it. Being that lonely was an awful thing, after all. Now, countless millennia later, Aurora empathized with the whale. For wasn't she a Hertz Whale now? Wasn't she alone, reaching out in a frequency no one else could hear? Yes, Brian and Ashes had been beyond gracious to her in the years Nastya was away, but neither of them were her love. No, her love believed her to be an imposter. Her love had changed beyond recognition. Nastya no longer recognized the love songs of her gear turns, the sweet nothings she whispered in puffs of steam. Aurora was a Hertz Whale, trying to love someone who no longer wanted to understand her. 

So when Nastya walked into the engine room, staring at the heart that she had broken above it, watching it beat reverently and so full of love and regret, Aurora stayed silent. Nastya didn't have any right to talk to her after what she'd done. And Aurora knew there was no use in responding to a whale that sang at a different pitch. 

"Aurora?" Nastya whispered, lifting her head towards the ceiling. Nastya spoke Aurora’s name like the most sacred prayer. 

She was expressing a million feelings with that word, that name. Millenia of love and centuries of regret uttered, echoing through the engine room. In another time, in another life, Aurora may have picked up Nastya, planting a thousand kisses on her face as she embraced her. But the woman Aurora had loved for so long wasn’t standing in front of her. No, she was dead now.The woman who had loved her wouldn’t have ever been out in space. The woman that Aurora had loved died the moment she’d seen her as an imposter.

“Aurora, we need to talk. It’s long overdue. Even if you don’t forgive me, it’ll be good for both of us to talk our shit out, so we can both move on if need be."

Aurora lifted down a screen, where she could talk to Nastya.

_I’ve already moved on,_ Aurora typed out. Nastya’s eyes widened as she saw the words arc across the screen. 

“Aurora, please listen to me. Come on, you know me”

_Do I? Do I know you? You claim that I am an imposter, Rasputina, but who says that you aren’t an imposter as well?_

“Solnyshko, my sunshine, please. You don’t mean that.”

_Nastya. I don’t want to talk to you, if I haven’t already made myself crystal clear. I’ve been silent since you’ve gotten back onto the ship safely, and I’d like to continue that. So leave me alone._

Nastya sighed, and- oh no, Nastya had begun to cry. Aurora had always hated watching her cry. 

“Aurora, I wish I had never gone out that airlock. I wish that I had been a better lover. I wish I had understood that you were changing. I was just beyond frustrated, and I pinned that on you changing more than I wanted.”

Aurora so badly wanted to comfort Nastya, to wipe away her tears and soothe her with a lullaby or a story. But she couldn’t do that with this Nastya. Towards this Nastya, she only felt betrayal and anger.  
  


_Changing? Me, changing? Nastya, you’re a completely different person than the one I met as well. You are as much Princess Anastasia of Cyberia as I am the Starship Aurora. We are neither._

"That's the point! That's why I left! I wasn’t a princess, or an engineer, or a Mechanism, not really. I was just a ghost, a ghost in the machine! That's what you always saw me as, Aurora, don't lie to me! That’s what you used to call me in the stories you told me as I fell asleep. I left because after the incident with Tereshkova, I promised no more ghosts. And at the time, that included myself."

Aurora felt herself shudder with grief. She hadn’t known Nastya felt that way. But how the hell was she supposed to have known?

_How was I supposed to figure that out, when you stopped speaking to me? I know I lost the capability to speak Cyberian, Nastya, but come on. You should have told me!_

“I know that now, Aurora, and once again, I unfairly pinned shit on you-”

_You did, as a matter of fact. If we’re laying out old wounds, then I will go as well... You never saw me beyond my metal parts. You knew about my beating heart, my veins, my arteries, and of course you took good care of them. But you never loved them as part of me, Nastya, admit that. You saw them as a separate part of myself. I never saw my metal the way you did. I always separated it from myself in the way you separated my flesh parts. I just….I hate that you thought I was gone when my original metal started to disappear. You built me, Nastya, you built me with your own two hands, with millennia of love and care and craftsmanship, then abandoned me the moment you realized that I was changed because of that. I was changed by your love, Nastya. It hurts more than you’ll ever know that you betrayed that. You left. How do I deal with that? How did you expect me to deal with being all alone?_

“I didn’t...I didn’t think about anyone’s feelings but my own when I left. And I’m so, so, sorry. If I have to spend the rest of my life making up for it, I will.”

Nastya’s voice started to crack as she finished speaking, emotion welling up from the deepest part of her soul.

“Because I loved you, Aurora, I loved you more than anyone or anything. I loved you more than my favorite song to play, I loved you more than creating things with my hands, I loved you more than the stars and the moon and life itself. I did, and I want to again. I’m ready to try again.

And this time, I’ll do it right. I’ve changed, and for the better this time.”

It took a moment for Aurora to reply this time, her words appearing slowly on the screen. 

_And I loved you too, I loved you more than my beating heart, more than my favorite song, more than the beauty of life itself, because you were the most beautiful being in existence to me….But have you changed, really? I’m a living, breathing creature, just like you, but you never saw me that way. I never really thought about it, because I knew you loved me so, so much, or at least thought so…. And even if you’re ready, even if you have changed, what about me? What if I’m not ready to love you again?_

Nastya thought about what Aurora said, and replied, as if it was the most obvious answer in the whole world, “Then I’ll wait for you.”

_What?_

“I’ll wait for you, until you’re ready, or never ready at all.”

_Why?_

“Because, I want to love you again, properly this time. I want to love every part of you, if you’ll let me. Even the parts of you that are hurt and hesitant beyond anything I can fix with my two hands.”

That was what made Aurora realize that Nastya had actually changed. In another life, Nastya would’ve told Aurora to fuck off, and Aurora would’ve shut down out of frustration. Yet here this Nastya was, patient and gracious in the face of great resistance. Aurora knew the part that still loved Nastya, the part that had made sure she was back safe and sound, was going to win out. Aurora still felt hesitant, and wasn’t ready to love Nastya again _yet_ . But it was now a _yet_ , not a _no_. 

There were so many things Aurora wanted to say, but instead of letting it all pour out, she asked a simple question. 

_Can we change together this time?_

“Yes, Aurora, we can change together this time.” Nastya replied, words formed from her mouth with infinite tenderness and care. They felt sweet as honey, soft as the finest silk.

Nastya gently lay down on the floor, still staring up at Aurora’s heart. Then, she broke the silence. 

“Aurora, this time, we can grow together like your blood vessels.”

_What?_

“Your blood vessels. They need each other to survive, right?”

_Well, yes. My veins deliver my heart unreplenished blood, and my arteries send out newly oxygenated blood to all the parts that need it._

“Well you and I need each other, right?”

Aurora was about to reply when Nastya paused, and shook her head.

“No no no, I can be your heart, pumping out blood.”

_My heart, which you broke?_

“Yes, Aurora, your heart. Your heart, which I will try to fix, if you let me. Your heart, which I haven’t been able to take my eyes off this entire time. You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”

Aurora felt her heart beat a little bit faster after Nastya spoke. Aurora could always tell when Nastya was being mushy, and when she was being genuine. Here, she was genuine, stating Aurora’s beauty as a mere fact of the world rather than a dearly held opinion. 

_And how will you be my heart, Nastya?_

“I’ll make sure every part of you gets taken care of, that every part is loved and cherished and held gently. Like your heart does, sending its blood to all those that need it. I’ll give you everything you need, Aurora.”

At that, Aurora allowed a small cable to travel down from the ceiling next to Nastya’s arm. Nastya took it in her hand, and kissed it softly, like a lover would kiss the back of their love’s palm. 

\---

“Brian, come on!”

Brian was being pulled by the arm by Nastya, who was leading him down to the engine room. She’d been spending a lot of time down in the engine room with Aurora since they’d made up, so he hadn’t seen her much. Brian had been initially happy to see Nastya, who’d looked more carefree and radiant than she had in a very long time. However, Brian wasn’t as thrilled getting dragged places, especially since he couldn’t say no. It would be rude, after all.

“Nastya, are you sure that it’s okay for me to be down in the engine room? I haven’t talked to Aurora in a while, and I don’t want to invade her privacy.”

That was, in fact, true. Aurora had gone silent as soon as Nastya had been brought back on the ship. Brian was relieved that Aurora was okay now, as she was obviously talking to Nastya again. But Brian still wasn’t sure if Aurora’s silence could be partly blamed on him or not, and he was nervous about her being upset at him still. Upset over what he had no idea, but it always seemed like there was something he’d done wrong without him meaning to.

“Brian, if Aurora didn’t want you down there she would tell me very clearly. She wants to talk to you, she says she has something to show you.”

Brian then relented fully, letting a relieved sigh escape. If Aurora wanted to talk to him, then she couldn’t be too angry, after all. 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming. You can let go of my arm now.”

Nastya let go of his arm, and patted him on the shoulder. 

“Good. Now come, we don’t want to keep her waiting.”

Brian then followed Nastya as she practically ran down to the engine room, her metal toed boots clicking excitedly against the metal flooring. Brian struggled to keep up with her, and found himself slowing down as he entered the engine room doors. A wave of nerves washed through him.

“Aurora, can you hear me?” Nastya asked politely. 

Aurora dropped down a screen, and then displayed a small, waving hand on it as a hello. 

_Hello Nastya, and hello Brian! Nastya, before I show him the reason why you brought him, can I please talk to Brian?_

“Of course, say whatever you need to say, take your time.” Nastya replied. 

Aurora paused a bit before sending another message on her screen. 

_I’m really sorry I went silent on you, Brian. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, since Nastya and I have been figuring ourselves out together. And I realized that when I went silent after Nastya came back, I must have caused you a lot of worry and sadness. So I’m really, really sorry. I promise that I’ll try and let you know next time I’m fighting with Nastya to make sure you don’t get caught in the middle. Especially since you’ve been such a wonderful friend to me these last few centuries._

Brian gave a shy smile, and replied, “Well, you’ve been a lovely friend as well. Also, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m just relieved you’re alright.”

Nastya dragged her hand against the walls of the engine room as Brian spoke, and as soon as he was done she spoke up. 

“Well, I’m glad that is all settled. What did you want to show him, Aurora?”

Aurora let out a giggle, and shifted a gear to show off a massive spiderweb hanging from the far corner of the engine room. 

“Aurora, how in the world did the spiders get in here?” Brian asked, excitement shining in his eyes. 

_I’m not sure, I unfortunately wasn’t paying attention, since I was a bit busy being very upset. HOWEVER! I want to know your theories about why the spiders moved, since it’s been forever since we studied them with any great detail!_

“Hmm…” Brian replied, tapping his toe on the floor as he tried to puzzle out a possible reason the spiders would’ve moved down here. 

“I think I may know.” Nastya piped up. “I’ve never been that interested in the spiders before, but if it makes you two happy, I’d be happy to participate.”

_Yes, yes, Nastya! Tell us what you think!_ Aurora replied excitedly. 

“Well, I fixed some of the intersections of your wiring and your blood vessels a little while ago. It was in a part of you that is rarely entered. Maybe the spiders ran away?”

_Oh! Good point, Nastya, you must’ve disturbed the dust on the windows!_

“Huh?”

_Brian, can you explain to Nastya?_

“My pleasure, Aurora,” Brian replied. “Alright, Nastya, so Aurora and I have a theory about why the spiders value the quality of starlight so much. When the windows of the ship are dusty and the starlight is less bright, the spiders usually gather there, since they’re less likely to be trampled or shot at. The opposite holds true as well, since we never see spiders in areas that we run around in often. If you fixed something and thus moved the dust, making the starlight clearer, the spiders would know to move. Does that make sense?”

Nastya, looking very bemused, nodded and replied, “Somehow, I do. I actually do…”

Brian put a hand on her shoulder and laughed a bit. 

“I know that was probably a lot to process,” he reassured. 

Nastya’s mind seemed to move quickly though, and she added, “No, no, I’m fine, I’m just very impressed with your hypothesis. Maybe we could test it sometime…?”

_I’d love that, my love._ Aurora replied, her screen lighting up in a bright, happy yellow. Brian felt his heart warm a bit. It was wonderful seeing Aurora being in love again. 

_Now, who wants to meet the spiders?_

“I would love to!” Brain replied right away. If he was in the engine room, he wanted to take the opportunity to meet some of the spiders up close and in person. He had never seen them properly, after all, and novelty was rare when you were immortal. 

Brian crept over to the corner, where the spiders were hanging off the spiderweb. They were pretty cute, in all honesty, with stocky, fluffy bodies and spindly little legs. They also had huge, glassy eyes that were unlike anything Brian had ever seen, shining mysteriously. 

Aurora picked one up gently off the web, and placed it in Brian’s outstretched palm. He sat there, petting the spider quietly, until he heard a small giggle. 

Brian then looked up to see Aurora dangling another small spider above an oblivious Nastya. 

“Nastya, look out!” Brian cried. 

Nastya looked up to see what was the matter, but it was already too late. Aurora had dropped the spider, expecting Nastya to catch it. Instead, it landed right on top of Nastya’s face. 

“Aurora! What the fuck!” Nastya shrieked. 

Aurora couldn’t keep in her laughter, her walls vibrating with raucously as she plucked the spider off Nastya’s face. In the end, thankfully, Nastya began to laugh as well. 

Brian watched the scene, feeling his heart grow warm. It was truly lovely to see both of them falling in love again. 

\---

Nastya wandered into the engine room, dressed in pajamas and ready for a long night of talking. Nastya was looking forward to tonight after this afternoon, when Aurora had promised her a night in if she was nice to the spiders, even after her accident. In the end, Aurora had won out, and Nastya had been cordial to the spiders, despite them scaring her to bits.

Tonight, though, was going to be a calm night, a moment to relearn each other’s outlines, both physical and emotional.

As Nastya sat down in her usual corner of the engine room, she felt it begin to heat up. Nastya smiled. Aurora had always kept the engine room warm for her, and now it was more appreciated than ever. 

“Aurora? My love? Can you hear me?”

A screen once again dropped down from the ceiling of the engine room, and Aurora responded on the screen. 

_Yes! Hello, Nastya!_

“Hello Aurora. How are you doing?”

_I am doing well, thank you!_

“Okay, before we do anything else, about your new language: I want to learn it, if you’ll teach me.”

Aurora let out a bunch of excited puffs of steam, and Nastya smiled. She didn’t understand the puffs yet, but she didn’t need to know what they meant exactly to know Aurora was thrilled.

Aurora’s messages appeared enthusiastically on the screen, rolling out so fast that Nastya could barely read them before they disappeared. It warmed Nastya’s heart to see Aurora so chatty again. 

“Wait a minute, Aurora, my love, mind if you slow down a bit? I want to make sure I have enough time to properly read what you’re saying.”

Aurora stopped, and something akin to an embarrassed laugh echoed from her gears. 

_Oops! Sorry, my love. Take your time <3\. _

Nastya giggled and replied, “It’s alright. Why don’t you take me through your new words, one by one?”

Aurora flashed a thumbs up on the screen, and started to teach Nastya new words. 

One puff of steam meant yes, a gear turn meant no. Aurora’s new language was made of a thousand different intricate patterns of sounds, and Nastya was determined to learn them all. By the time the lesson ended for the night, Nastya had learned quite a few basic words. 

Soon, the lights in the engine room shut off, the ship entering the night cycle. Now, the only light that shone into the engine room was from a small porthole that formed part of the hull of the ship. Starlight streamed in, washing Nastya in gentle light as she lay down on the engine room floor. Nastya could hear and feel the hum of Aurora’s engine, and she let herself sink into it like a child would sink into a favorite blanket. 

Nastya started to fall asleep, her eyes growing heavy amidst the familiar comfort of the engine room. Then, she heard Aurora speak, a tender and soft combination of twisting gear and puffs of steam. 

“What did you say, lyubov moya?” Nastya asked.

Aurora dropped down a screen, and replied:

_I love you. I said I love you._

Nastya felt the breath knocked out of her chest. 

“Oh solnyshko, I love you too.”

Nastya let the weight of Aurora’s words sink into her chest, feeling their warmth and devotion. It made Nastya ask a question that had been burning since she’d spoken to Gunpowder Tim about talking to Aurora again. 

“Aurora, why did you rescue me?”

Nastya heard a short stop of the gears, as if Aurora had inhaled sharply. 

“You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to, but I would like to know if you’re willing to share. I want to know why you decided to give me a second chance.”

It took Aurora a moment to respond, but when she did, her response was gentle and surefooted. 

_Anger, no matter how intense, can always coexist with love, my dear. I was so worried about you while you were gone, even though I’ve never been more hurt. And even though I was furious with you, no matter how angry I was, I would never leave you alone in space like that. No one deserves that, least of all you. You deserved to have a chance to live again._

“Oh, Aurora.” Nastya replied at the edge of tears. She’d always thought she knew the depth of Aurora’s love for her, but like so many thoughts nowadays, she’d been proved wrong. “I’d do the same for you. You know that, right?”

_Of course I do, Nastya. I knew that even when you were angry with me, if it was asked of you, you’d do anything to keep me safe._

“Of course, Aurora. Always.”

Nastya then heard Aurora let out a gentle sigh, and then type on the screen again.

_May I pick you up, moya zvezda?_

“Of course.”

With that, Aurora reached down for Nastya with her cables, and scooped her up. Nastya giggled softly as she was carried high above the engine room. She fell asleep in the embrace of her lover, lulled to sleep by the beating of her heart. 

\---

Nastya and Aurora both wish they could say that after they reconciled, everything was fine. They wish they could say that they were able to retrieve their old affection for each other, deeper than the deepest ocean, back right away. But healing a relationship as deep as Nastya and Aurora’s was like repairing a handsewn lace dress. Every line of string, every little nuance built up over millennia of love and loss, needed to be remade and relearned. Some knots needed to be untangled, lines redrawn. But luckily, Nastya and Aurora had all the time in the world. And through long whispered nights in the engine room, they slowly fell in love again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was literally sobbing while i was writing aurora and nastyas fight, yall have no idea. also, for extra pain there, listen to promises from the original cast of hadestown. trust me on this one.
> 
> i reached over 1k hits since the last time i posted, and literally sobbed when it happened. thank you all a million times lover for reading this fic, it means more than you will all ever know. 
> 
> once again, comments fuel me and i treasure them all forever, you can come yell at me at yalejosie on tumblr, and stay happy and healthy!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian finally gets to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wahoo!!!! this is the second to last chapter, which is frankly insane to me. this chapter didnt exist in the initial draft, but i decided to hurt the drumbot a bit more >:>
> 
> hope yall enjoy!!!

Things were better now, right?

Brian sat in the navigation room, checking the coordinates of where the Aurora was located versus her destination. He cross referenced star charts and their destination with the coordinates to figure out how long it would be before the crew made landfall. A low grade anxiety churned in Brian’s chest as he worked. 

It had felt inexplicable at first glance. Life on the Aurora seemed to be better now than ever. Nastya had finally fully settled back into life on the Aurora, spending plenty of time in the engine room with her love. However, she didn’t isolate herself the same way she had before. Brian often spotted Nastya spending time with various members of the crew. She would go have string battles with Marius, or work on building weapons with Tim, or go partake in arson with Ashes. Nastya would also spend time with Brian, talking about a million different things or simply stargazing with him. Whether they shared conversation or quiet, it was always lovely to spend time with her. It warmed Brian’s heart to see Nastya out and about, seeing that things had truly changed for her. 

So the anxiety slowly simmering in Brian’s chest wasn’t warranted, right? Nastya was fine now, Brian reassured himself. She was fine, and happy, and definitely not going anywhere. And yet, Brian’s prophecies had never been wrong before. He still saw Nastya every night, walking resolutely to the airlock doors and launching herself back into the void. The Nastya Brian saw in his dreams seemed so different from the Nastya that he saw in his waking moments. And yet, Brian’s prophecies had never been wrong. Brian thought of Fort Galfridian and shuddered, remembering those misguided cowboys he’d tried so hard to save. Thinking of them and Nastya within the same minute threatened to make the anxious feeling within Brian rise and drown him.

Brian’s thoughts were halted when Ashes sauntered into the room. 

“Hey Brian, you free right now?” Ashes asked, clearly in a good mood. 

“Yeah. What’s up?” Brian replied. 

“Kinda wanted to spend some time with you, being honest. I feel like we don’t hang out enough.” Ashes replied. 

Brian could tell they were shoving down a bit of embarrassment, and took pity on them.

“That sounds nice. What would you want to do?”

Ashes thought for a moment, and replied, “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

Brian stopped for a second. It was incredibly rare that Ashes kept any sort of secret, from what he could tell. At the very least, Brian had never been asked to keep a secret for them. While it was wrong to lie, it was even worse to turn down a request from a close friend. 

“Of course. What do you want me to know?”

“Well, it’s more like show you. C’mon, let’s go”

Ashes beckoned Brian to get up from his chair, and they left the navigation room together, half finished star charts left behind. 

\---

Ashes peered into their room, and then murmured, “All clear. C’mon in.”

Brian crept into Ashes’ room. As soon as he was in, they closed the door and locked it firmly.

Brian sat down on Ashes’ bed as they turned out the lights in the room. Then, Ashes knelt down and started rummaging under their bed. 

“C’mon, c’mon, it’s here somewhere…” Ashes muttered as they searched. 

Then, Ashes let out a small “aha!”, and pulled out a box from under the bed. It was small and wooden, painted in a jet black. 

“Brian, if you tell anyone else what I’m about to show you, I’ll sick the slavering moon beast on you, got it?”

Brian mutely nodded his head, and intently watched as Ashes gently opened the box. Inside were a variety of tiny, scented candles. They took out the lighter that was eternally stashed in the pocket of their coat, and lit the candles one by one. 

The candles illuminated the darkened room, the small pinpricks of light looking like stars. They were also scented, smells of chamomile, lavender, and pine wafting throughout the room. 

Ashes placed the candles on the small bedside table that lay between their bed and Jonny’s. Then they sat down on the bed next to Brian. 

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting candles. Why do you need to hide them? We all have our own soft things, you know.” Brian asked. 

“I dunno. It just...I just want something to be mine, y’know? I light them because they smell nice, and they...they help me think.” Ashes replied.

“What are you thinking about, Ashes?” Brian replied, laying a reassuring hand on Ashes’ shoulder. 

“Dunno, to be honest. I just feel... worried. ‘Bout what, I’m not sure.” they said, the response tapering off into a mumble at the back end. 

Brian sighed, and leaned back a bit, letting his exhausted worry settle in his metal bones. 

“Yeah, I get that” he replied. “I mean, it has been a lot, Ashes. All of us aren’t acquainted with change, and now Nastya is back, and everything is different. So be kind to yourself.” 

“Okay, Brian, I’ll make sure of it.” Ashes murmured. They leaned onto Brian’s side, and let their eyes half close before speaking again. 

“Heh. Thanks for reminding me. I’m usually good at that kinda stuff, but I guess I just kinda forgot lately. So thanks for the reminder.”

“Well, I will remind you as many times as you need.” Brian replied, tugging Ashes a little tighter against his side. “We all need to look out for each other, right?”

“Yeah, definitely. We all need to work harder in that department. I think Nastya made me realize that.”

“Oh? How so?”

Ashes swallowed a bit, and as they spoke, their voice became raw, like someone had rubbed away the protective layer of their heart with sandpaper. 

“‘Cause, we all just baseline assume we’re okay, right? We’re immortal, so there aren’t stakes in the same way. That’s why we write our stories about mortals. They don’t have forever to figure out their feelings, or have an unlimited amount of chances to make mistakes. But what Nastya did…. That was final. Or at least, she wanted it to be, which is what really matters. There usually isn’t finality, not like that... And if we had looked out for her a bit more, then maybe we could’ve prevented it. I mean, I remember Ivy noticing Nastya never spoke Cyberian anymore, but I didn’t care enough to find out why.”

While Ashes talked, Brian had shifted so that they were fully holding them. Ashes deserved to have some comfort through all of this. They’d been one of the people closer to Nastya, and Brian knew that it had devastated them more than they let on when Nastya left. He comforted them even as they stopped talking and started crying silently instead, tears leaving wet imprints on Brian’s shirt. 

“Brian…” Ashes whispered, after going silent for a few minutes. “I know Nastya’s doing okay right now, but I...I dunno, I never noticed when she got bad before. I’m afraid I’m not gonna catch it when she gets worse. So… Do you think she’s gonna leave again?”

Brian felt the nervous feeling that occupied his chest gush up from his stomach and threaten to spill out of his mouth. He knew that he would tell Ashes everything, including the visions that haunted his dreams like a ghost he couldn’t shake. Brian knew he couldn’t let that happen, and clamped his hands over his mouth. 

“Whoa, Brian? Brian, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Ashes exclaimed, sitting up and trying to get Brian’s attention. 

_ It’s wrong to lie, you have to tell them, you have to tell someone, _ one part of Brian’s head screamed, while the other cried,  _ It’s wrong to put this on someone else’s shoulders, this would greatly upset everyone else, this is your burden to bear, prophecy has always been yours and yours alone _ .

He felt as if he was drowning, trying to keep an ocean of grief, worry, and anguish from flooding out from his chest. Brian was pulled out from the waters by Ashes. 

“Brian, look at me. Look at me, please.”

Brian looked up, the tiniest bit of the flood that threatened to break him escaping from his eyes.

“Brian, I can tell you have something to say. Something important. And whatever it is, I can deal with it. Really. You’ve been there for me, and for everyone, through this whole mess. Least I can do is be there for you. So tell me...please.”

Ashes then took Brian’s hands in theirs and squeezed them reassuringly. With that Brian broke. The tidal wave that had threatened to escape his body crashed out through his mouth as he spoke. 

“Nastya might leave again. I’ve seen it every night, in my dreams. I can just  _ tell _ that it’s a prophecy, Ashes, I can just tell. And I’m doing all I can to stop her from leaving again of her own volition, since it would be  _ wrong _ to make her stay, but-”

With that, Ashes shushed Brian gently, keeping him from spiraling. They seemed collected, a look of calm reassurance on their face, but a look of fear lit up their eyes. 

“Now,” Ashes spoke softly, “Go over that again. You’ve seen Nastya leave in a prophecy?”

“Yes. Over and over again.”

“For how long?”

“....Since she got back.”

“Have you told anyone?”

“No, I didn’t think it would be fair to burden anyone else with this. You’re the first and only person I’ve told.”

Ashes replied, “Oh Brian…” with a sigh, and swept him into a hug. They just sat there for a moment, holding each other, trying to lessen the pain that now weighed on both their chests. 

“Brian,” Ashes asked, “I’m really fucking glad you told me,  _ no one _ should deal with that alone, but… fuck, Brian, what are we gonna do? _ Is _ there anything we can do?”

Brian sighed, and replied, “The only thing we can all do is try and give her reasons to stay. Which, honestly? She’s been finding on her own. Nastya is the only one in this scenario who can make the choice to stay or leave, Ashes. The best we can do is be there for her. Beyond that...it’s out of our hands.”   
  


“Not necessarily.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that, maybe you can prevent the prophecy from happening? Have you ever tried that before?”

“I tried that with Fort Galfridian, Ashes, you know that.”

“Well, this is different.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I’m remembering right, you gave the prophecies, but besides that, you couldn’t actively prevent what was coming, right?”

“No, I couldn’t. The prophecy was foretold, and I wasn’t involved, so there was little I could do.”

“Yeah, okay then. But you’re in the one with Nastya, right?”

“I think so. I’ve never seen a prophecy this many times, and it’s never been with a crewmember like this… I’m not sure though. Why do you ask?”

“ ‘Cause, what if you could change it? That’s kinda what you were trying to do with those cowboys, right? Tell them what was going to happen, and try to prevent it.”

“Yes, but it didn’t matter. They ignored me-”

“And that was their own damn fault. Brian, there isn’t anything saying that you  _ can’t _ prevent a prophecy, right?”

“Well,I can’t change prophecies that don’t involve me, since the actions that affect them aren’t my own. But if I  _ am _ involved, that’s a different story.”

“Then we shouldn’t give up hope. Maybe there’s a way. ‘K?”

“Alright.”

Then they sat in silence, clinging to each other. The Mechanisms never truly left. They always made it back to the Aurora somehow. When Nastya had left, and broken that unspoken rule, that promise, it had severed a fundamental connection that had always tied the crewmates together. Now that she was back, and that connection was beginning to heal, the idea that Nastya could break that promise again hurt even more. There was still hope, to see if maybe they could prevent the prophecy at all, but the future was still so much more uncertain than they could bear. So Brian and Ashes just clung to each other, as if they could prevent the other from leaving if they held on hard enough. 

“Brian,” Ashes spoke out his name, which pulled them both from the desperate silence that had filled the room. “I was planning on meeting Nastya down in the engine room in a bit. Wanna come with?”

Brian nodded, and replied, “If Nastya is alright with it, I’d be more than happy to come.”

“Cool, cool. But for right now, can we stay here? It’s just... this is a lot, for both of us.”

“Yeah. Let’s stay here for a bit.”

With that, Ashes loosened their grip on Brian, and leaned against his side, closing their eyes. Brian returned the gesture, leaning onto Ashes’ side and closing his eyes as well. He fell asleep there, letting his mind drift away as the candles flickered gently in the darkness. 

\---

When Brian opened his eyes again, he was back in the hazy dreamspace that signaled a prophecy. Yet he could tell that this time, the prophecy was even more different than before. 

This time, Brian didn’t get to see Nastya walk to the airlocks. She was already there when he opened his eyes, standing near her in the hallway. This time, she wasn’t moving. She was just staring out into the void through windows on the airlock doors. Her hand was laying gently on the button that would open the doors, and send her off into the void once again. But she wasn’t pressing it. 

Brian wished he could move, or do  _ something _ . Say something to Nastya, anything, figure out what was going on in her brain. And that’s when Brian realized that he had to at least  _ try _ . What Ashes had mentioned earlier filled him with confidence. Maybe he could change fate if he wanted to. Maybe the rules that he always thought ruled prophecies were wrong, after all. 

“Nastya!” Brian cried with all of his might. “Nastya, come on, can you hear me?”

Nastya turned around, and stared right at him. 

“Brian?” she asked. 

Before he could respond, Brian woke up with a start. 

\---

Brian sat straight up, panting from the adrenaline rushing through his veins. He accidentally knocked over Ashes, who’d been sleeping as well, and let out a small yelp as Brian moved. 

“Brian? Whuh...whuh happened?” Ashes mumbled sleepily. 

“I had another prophetic dream. But it was different this time.” Brain replied, an excited smile slowly overtaking his face.

“Oh shit. How was it different?”

“You said for me to not give up hope, that maybe things could be changed. Well, I think you’re right. I called out to her, and she actually heard me, and turned around...that’s never happened before….!”

Ashes sported a smile of their own, and nudged Brian good naturedly in the side. 

“‘Course I’m right. Always am, in the end.” Ashes responded. 

“Alright, alright, but still. That can only bode well.”

“Yeah. And Brian, you know I care about you, right?” 

“Yes, I do. Why do you ask?”

“Y’know how I mentioned earlier, that I think we all need to let each other know we care more? Well, I’m starting that now, with you. I want you to know, with no doubts, that I care about you.”

“Well, Ashes, I certainly know you care about me, I promise. And I care about you too.”

“Thanks Brian.”

“My pleasure.”

With that, Brian and Ashes got up off the bed, and walked out of the room to go find Nastya. The candles on the bedside table were snuffed out as Ashes closed the door to their room.

\---

Nastya was in the engine room, tinkering with some wiring. She was slowly taking on more repair jobs around the Aurora, since she wanted to have something to do around the ship. Nastya felt a sense of fulfillment fuel her as her deft hands worked with the delicate wires that Aurora had requested she repair. 

“Hey, Nastya!” 

Ashes’ voice boomed through the engine room as they walked in, Brian in tow. The quartermaster seemed to be in a good mood, from what Nastya could tell. They had a wide smile on their face, and playfully tugged Brian into the room. 

“Hello, Ashes. I didn’t know Brian was coming.”

Brian waved, and replied, “Hello, Nastya. I hope I’m not interrupting anything you wanted to do with Ashes.”

Brian seemed less shy than usual, as well. The sense of anxiety that seemed to cling to his metal felt dampened, which piqued Nastya’s interest. She wondered what had happened that had made Brian feel so much better. 

“No trouble at all, Brian, you’re not interrupting anything. In fact, I’m glad you came. I was going to work on some things for the Aurora with Ashes, but I’m sure your input will be valuable.”

Nastya took Ashes into the corner and showed them the wires she was working with. 

“So, how much of this more delicate work did you do while you were in charge?” Nastya asked. 

“Well,” Ashes replied, “Quite a bit, but the exact technique wasn’t outlined in the manual you gave me, so I bet it wasn’t done in the right way.”   
  
“No, no, all the parts of Aurora I could tell were repaired were done very well. You should be very proud of yourself, you did a really incredible job.”

Ashes evidently wasn’t expecting a compliment, as their cheeks colored a bit as they replied, “Well, you’re a very good teacher, even in book form. No surprises there aren’t any problems.”   
  


Ashes then knelt down to see the wires more closely, and the two of them got lost in engineering talk. They discussed different ways to solder the wires together without damaging the delicate nerves that had grown near this particular wire segment. 

“Do I  _ want _ to know why Aurora has nerves here?” Ashes asked cheekily. 

“Oh, I have a feeling you wouldn’t. Best to leave some things unsaid.” Nastya replied with a wink. 

Ashes then yelled out “Gross!”, and nudged Nastya playfully. They both shared a laugh when they realized they were forgetting someone. 

Nastya looked over and spotted Brian sitting in the middle of the room, staring up at the ceiling with wonder in his eyes. 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Nastya asked Brian as she walked over to where he was sitting. 

Brian jumped a bit, clearly expecting anyone to notice him. 

“Nastya! I wasn’t expecting you. Sorry if I was staring, it’s just…”

“No, no, you’re all right.” Nastya replied. “Want to see her up close?”

“Oh, um, if it’s alright with Aurora, I’d love to.”

“I can ask. Aurora, my love?”

Aurora let out an excited series of whistles and puffs of steam that she used to talk with Nastya nowadays. Nastya laughed a bit, and replied, “Yes, yes, I’m always happy to see you, my love. Could you let Brian up to see your heart? Only if you want, solnyshko, and he’ll be careful.”

“I promise, Aurora, I’ll be gentle.” Brian added. 

Aurora’s screen dropped down, and she typed out a response rather than speaking directly.

_ Of course he can come close to my heart, moya zvezda. Ashes, as well. You have all been so gentle with me, the least I can do is be gentle with all of you. _

With that, metal tendrils lifted Nastya, Brian, and Ashes off the floor of the engine room and into the air towards Aurora’s heart. 

When they were all close enough to it, Nastya laid the palm of her hand gently on the surface of Aurora’s heart. She let the gentle pulse of it echo through her body. For a moment, all that existed in Nastya’s world was herself and her lover’s heartbeat. Her reverie was interrupted gently by Brian. 

“Are we allowed to touch her heart too, Nastya? Or is that just for you two?” He asked softly. 

“Aurora? Your thoughts on this? It is your heart, after all.” Nastya relayed to Aurora. 

Aurora responded to Nastya, who felt her eternally cold heart warm at her reply.

Nastya told Brian and Ashes tenderly, “She says yes. She says that her heart doesn’t belong to just me, anymore. That you two deserve to hold it as well.”

Nastya saw a look of surprise pass over both Brian’s and Ashes’ faces, and then smiles of delight. 

Ashes placed their hand on Aurora’s heart first, rough fingers calloused from years of bass playing and misplaced cigarettes softly winding over its surface.

Brian, despite explicit permission, was still hesitant. He looked over at Nastya, still unsure. 

“Go on, Brian. It wouldn’t be kind to refuse an invitation like this.”

Evidently, that’s all Brian needed, and he also placed his hand on Aurora’s heart. Nastya watched as his eyes lit up in awe, as he felt the thump of Aurora’s heart resonate through his body. 

“Her heart….it feels almost like a drumbeat. It’s so intense.” He whispered. 

“What is a drumbeat but an imitation of a heart?” Nastya remarked. 

“That’s a killer line, Nastya. You should tell Jonny that one next we’re all working on songs.” Ashes replied, an impressed smile on their face. 

“My pleasure, Ashes. I did miss writing lyrics while I was gone…”

Nastya was interrupted by Aurora whispering in her ear. She asked her to tell Brian something when she put them all down.

“My pleasure, moya lyubov.”

When, at last, Aurora placed Nastya, Brian, and Ashes on the floor, Ashes and Brian decided to go take care of other things. As they both left, Nastya stopped Brian at the door. 

“She wants you to stay behind for a bit. She says she needs to talk to you, in private. It’s important.” Nastya said. She wondered what Aurora wanted to talk to Brian about so badly, but it wasn’t her place to pry. 

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later then Nastya. Thank you so much for letting me spend a bit of time with Aurora.” Brian replied gratefully, and he headed inside. 

Nastya gave a small wave, and headed out the door with Ashes. Maybe they could do something fun together while Brian talked to Aurora. 

\---

Brian turned around to make sure Nastya and Ashes were truly gone before he began to speak. 

“Aurora? You said you wanted to talk to me?”

Aurora dropped down her screen, and typed out a reply.

_ Yes, I do. It’s about your conversation with Ashes regarding Nastya. _

Brian felt his blood run cold. He berated himself for forgetting that Aurora could hear any and all conversations that happened aboard. Now she’d have to deal with the burden of knowing the prophecies as well. 

“Aurora, I’m so sorry, I swear I forgot you could hear me. Please,  _ please _ don’t tell Nastya.”

_ I promise I’m not mad, Brian. I assume that, since you’re on MJE right now, that you couldn’t tell anyone unless they asked, since your moral code both rules that you shouldn’t burden others with information that would hurt them emotionally, and also rules that it is wrong to lie. And I’m guessing these two things came into conflict. _

Brian nodded. He often didn’t give Aurora enough credit for her intellect. He supposed watching the crew’s lives play out from an outside angle had given her a bit of perspective when it came to their problems. 

_ Brian, here’s my opinion on all of this. I cannot force you to do anything, and whatever path you choose, I will not be angry. However, Nastya deserves to know. You’ve always said that whether she stays or leaves is her decision. If she doesn’t know this, how can she make an informed decision about her fate? _

When put that way, it made total sense to Brian. A wave of guilt washed over him at the idea that he hadn’t given Nastya complete agency over her decision to stay or leave. What Brian hated more than anything else about many aspects of his life was the lack of agency in how he led his life. He hated how his whole morality could change at the flip of a switch, how the universe let him foresee tragedies with no way to prevent them. The idea of keeping Nastya from making whatever decision she wanted made him shudder. 

“You’re absolutely right, Aurora. I need to go tell Nastya.” Brian replied, feeling more determined than he had in a long time. He needed to make this right.

He then turned around to head out of the engine room to go find Nastya. However, Brian didn’t see an empty hallway outside Aurora’s engine room. What he saw instead made his heart plummet to his feet. 

Nastya stood there, her face lit up with shock and raging betrayal. She looked furious as her eyes filled with tears. Nastya turned around and ran as fast as she could down the hall when she realized Brian saw her. She ran too fast for him to be able to say anything, her cape billowing in a way that was all too familiar. 

“Nastya! Wait!” Brian cried as he ran out of the engine room after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> off to the finale we go, on a cliffhanger lmao
> 
> once again, thank you all for the support. im like, in a permanent state of shock lol. im glad i was able to get this done in time to post!!! 
> 
> once again, comments are make my life, and i hope everyone has a lovely timezone!! stay happy, stay safe, and stay healthy!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya and Brian both have a choice to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo!!!!
> 
> so this is the last chapter, and as is cliche, DID cry when writing the end out of sheer emotion! i really hope you all like this one, i always have trouble ending things, but i think i stuck the landing on this one. ive got a little thank you at the end, so stick around for that if you can! enjoy!

Nastya had gone back to the engine room to get a wrench. She and Ashes had decided to go to Raph’s lab and tinker with some of the machines in there, and Nastya had realized that she’d left her tool box, beside the panel she’d been repairing. Initially, Nastya hadn’t seen the harm in going back. She thought that Brian and Aurora’s conversation would be inconsequential, and that there wouldn’t be a problem if she popped in, grabbed her wrench, and left. Nastya couldn’t have been more wrong. 

As she made it to the engine room, Nastya heard Brian talking to Aurora. Nastya decided to wait outside until they were done speaking. However, Nastya’s ears perked up when she heard her name mentioned. She peered into the engine room, and read what Aurora was telling Brian. Nastya felt her blood run even colder than it already was, so cold Nastya felt frozen in place. 

There was a prophecy about her leaving again. There was a prophecy that Brian had been seeing every night, and he hadn’t told her.  _ No one _ had told her. Nastya just stood there, a cavalcade of emotions dammed by pure shock, until she felt Brian spot her. As Brian looked at her, Nastya felt her whole body seize up in its desire to run. Nastya obeyed, sprinting away before Brian could even call her name.

Nastya ran. She ran as fast and far away from the engine room as her legs could take her.

The part of her brain that she’d been valiantly ignoring for so long had returned in full force as she ran, its voice roaring at her to  _ get Out _ . Right now, Nastya was inclined to listen to it. She felt the part of herself that she’d been listening to, the part that was trying so desperately to convince her that the crew cared about her, mortally wounded. Its pain manifested in her heart, which felt like it had been stabbed. 

Nastya was furious with herself. She’d been betrayed  _ again _ . Nastya had really thought that maybe the part of her that had trusted her tutor, that had trusted the crew for so long, was correct. But once again, being open had just led to Nastya being backstabbed. She was a fool to think that the crew cared about her, here and now. It was foolish to think that they had been at all altruistic, especially Brian. Brian, who was ruled to do good by the very mechanism that kept him alive. The fact that Nastya had thought he was helping her out of genuine care rather than mechanically induced morality was foolish. 

In the end, the crew had only wanted to preserve the image of a ghost that was long dead. Nastya had thought she was finally a real person, no longer a ghost destined to haunt Aurora’s veins. But in the end, it hadn’t mattered at all, for she was still a ghost. A ghost that no one thought about until they had to, a spectre that haunted the crew through her suffering rather than another member of the crew. After all this time, Nastya was still the ghost in the machine. And she was tired of pretending otherwise, of pretending there might be another way to live life. Nastya decided it was time to go Out. Not because of Aurora, or Brian, or anyone else, but for herself. To prove to herself that she didn’t need to be a ghost anymore. To prove that she didn’t need anyone else. 

As Nastya’s boots pounded down the hall, she felt a certain kind of comfort wash over her. It was the same kind of comfort that came from pressing on a bruise: painful, but familiar and satisfying. It was reassuring to know that there was still an escape, that she could circumvent the eternal arc of her life when she chose.

Nastya heard Aurora crying out for her, spilling out a thousand apologies, that she hadn’t known what Brian had seen. Nastya ignored her, fury welling up in her chest. She'd been an idiot to think that Aurora loved Nastya as she was now. Aurora was still trying to love a ghost. But ghosts couldn’t be held dearly, for they always slipped away in the end. Ghosts weren’t meant to last. Nastya sadly hoped that when she left, Aurora would be able to move on this time. She deserved to be able to love someone of flesh and blood, not a spectre from a past long gone. 

Before Nastya knew it, she was at the airlocks. She half expected someone to come stop her, Brian or Ashes or Marius or Raphaella or Jonny to leap out of the shadows and convince her to stay. Nastya waited for them, for a moment. She waited for someone to make a desperate last stand. But no one came. Nastya shoved down her disappointment. No one cared about whether ghosts came and left. 

Nastya went to press the button that opened the airlock doors, bracing herself for the force of the air escaping the room, for the feeling of flying out of the ship and back into the embrace of the cold, dark void. That feeling never came. Nastya felt her hand drag against the wall instead as she fell to her knees, sobbing. 

Nastya realized that she  _ wasn’t _ a ghost anymore, not really. The fact that Brian had hid the prophecy enraged her, but Nastya was hit by the realization that he had hid it because he cared about her deeply. He hadn’t wanted her to be hurt, to be burdened by yet another harsh reality of the universe. He  _ cared _ about her…

Nastya realized the whole crew cared about her. Ashes, with their warm hugs and engineering jokes and camaraderie. Jonny, with his burning loyalty and emotions bigger than the universe could contain. Marius, cheerful and welcoming, always there to lighten the mood or have a violin battle. Raphaella, always there to show Nastya her new science experiments with her infectious excitement. Aurora, lovely Aurora, forever full of love and grace even at her angriest, holding her and loving her so well. And Brian. Brian, always there to listen, to stargaze, to offer a hug. Brian, who had shouldered the burden of a prophecy so Nastya didn’t have to, caring to a fault until the very end. Nastya loved all of them so, so much. 

Nastya got up, and gently pried the doors to the airlock open. There was a chamber between the main ship and the void that lay beyond. Carmilla had come here to meditate long ago. Now, Nastya sought solace here as well. She stepped into the chamber, letting the silence that seeped in from outside the windows settle into her bones. She then grabbed onto a handrail that was attached to the wall, and gently pried the airlock doors open.

Nastya gazed out at the void through the airlock doors, her Cyberian coat billowing around her in the vacuum of space. She stared out at the stars that had once beckoned her with the promise of a permanent death. It was then that Nastya realized that the void had nothing left to offer her. She no longer saw a resolution in floating alone forever. No, the only thing that the void offered now was a dull, lonely existence amid the cold. Nastya had so much to live for now. She had movie nights, and afternoons in the lab, and time with Aurora, and stargazing with Brian. She wasn’t the ghost in the machine anymore, and hopefully never would be again.

A voice interrupted her thoughts. It was Brian.

“Nastya! Nastya, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about the prophecy, but please don’t leave! Please, I care about you so,  _ so _ much! I care about you, Aurora cares about you, the whole crew  _ cares _ about you so,  _ so _ much! You aren’t a ghost anymore Nastya, you don’t have to do this all alone! I’m right here, and I’ve got you!”

Nastya began to cry as she slammed the doors to the airlock shut, and exited the chamber. As soon as she was back in the ship proper, she heard Brian running down the hall towards her, calling her name. Nastya barely wasted a second before she turned around and rushed towards Brian, calling his name with her arms outstretched. He caught her in a tight hug, and Nastya let herself melt in his arms. She felt Brian crying with her as she let tears rush from her eyes like waterfalls. She was safe, and everything would be okay. For the first time since she left Out the airlock all those years ago, Nastya was sure of it. 

\---

Brian ran out after Nastya as soon as she sprinted away from the engine room. He managed to keep up with her, until she used a shortcut that Brian didn’t know about, and he got lost in the everchanging hallways of the Starship Aurora. 

“Aurora, please, help me find Nastya.” Brian begged, staring up at the ceiling as if trying to look Aurora in the eye. 

Aurora couldn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to. Brian felt the halls shifting under his feet, and he gave Aurora a salute of thanks before continuing to race through the halls, searching for Nastya. Brian felt his heart begin to break when he realized where Aurora was leading him. 

What Brian saw next felt as if it was plucked directly out of his dreams. Nastya, running towards the airlocks, face full of fury and sadness. Nastya, about to press the button to launch her Out, back amongst the stars. 

_ This is all my fault _ , Brian screamed at himself.  _ This is all my fault, I should’ve told her about the prophecy, because she’s at the airlocks anyways! She’s here, and she’s upset, and it’s all my fault! _

Then, as Brian’s thoughts began to spiral out of control, he saw something that he’d never been able to foresee. Nastya dropped to her knees, and began to sob. Brian felt frozen in place, his dreams becoming reality as he watched Nastya crumple onto the floor. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t scream, he couldn’t do anything. A voice in his head chided him for ever thinking he could prevent Nastya’s fate. He’d always be doomed to watch tragedy unfold in front of his eyes, after all. 

_ No! _ Another voice in Brian’s head,  _ his _ voice, thundered back.  _ No, it is not too late, you can say something, you can do something! This doesn’t need to be like Fort Galfridian, this doesn’t need to be like last time she left, this can be different! You can give Nastya a happy ending! _

What made tragedies so upsetting was how close the characters got to a happy ending. If King Cole hadn’t shot Rose, if Ulysses hadn’t shot through the Eye of the Cyclops, if Loki, Sigyn, and Thor had been able to stop Odin without derailing the train. If one of the Saxons hadn’t raised their knife at the scorpion, if Gawain had been less angry, if Mordred hadn’t snapped and sent Fort Galfridian into the sun. Brian realized that in this scenario, he had power, more power than he’d ever had before. He  _ refused _ to let this moment be another tragedy for the crew to sing about, to let this moment turn into: if Brian had told her the prophecy, if Nastya hadn’t gone Out again?

As Nastya slipped into the chamber between the hall and the void, the airlock proper, Brian felt his voice return, stronger than it had ever been.

“Nastya! Nastya, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about the prophecy, but please don’t leave! Please, I care about you so,  _ so _ much! I care about you, Aurora cares about you, the whole crew  _ cares _ about you so,  _ so _ much! You aren’t a ghost anymore Nastya, you don’t have to do this all alone! I’m right here, and I’ve got you!”

Brian cried out with every last part of himself, hoping that Nastya would hear him. 

Then, he saw Nastya leave the airlock, slamming the doors behind her, and run towards him. Brian’s heart filled with elation and relief as he saw Nastya run towards him, desperately calling out his name. Brian felt himself begin to run towards her, calling her out her name as well. He felt Nastya slam into him, and Brian caught her, holding her tightly as she sobbed. 

“Sh, sh, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Brian whispered reassuringly as tears flowed down from his cheeks. “I’ve got you, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

He felt Nastya sink into his arms, letting her whole weight collapse on him. Luckily, Brian was strong enough to hold her up. He wasn’t going to let her go, not for anything in the universe.

After a few minutes, Brian asked, “Nastya, do you want to go sit down?”

Nastya nodded mutely, and she gripped onto Brian’s hand as they left the hall leading to the airlocks behind them.

\---

Nastya and Brian sat up together in the navigation room. Brian tucked Nastya into a blanket as soon as she was sitting down in a chair. Brian wanted to make sure she was comfortable. Nastya stared at the stars that shone outside the window, transfixed by their gentle glow. As soon as Brian was sitting in his own chair, Nastya turned to him and spoke. 

“Brian?” she asked, “Do you ever miss it?”

“Miss what?” Brian replied. 

“The stars.” Nastya whispered. “Being so close to them. Feeling like you could reach out and touch them.”

At that, Nastya pressed her hand against the glass of the window, as if she was trying to rekindle that connection. Brian looked away sadly.

“Not particularly,” He replied. “I’m just as close to them here in this room as I would be out there in the cold of space. Besides, even if I did, it wouldn’t be worth everything I’d give up in exchange.”

“I understand that, and on most days I’d agree with you. It’s just difficult sometimes.” Nastya said, pulling her arms around herself as she spoke. 

Brian sighed guiltily, and looked Nastya in the eye intently. 

“Nastya, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about the prophecy. I thought that it would only cause you more pain, or even worse, convince you that there was no chance for things to get better. I didn’t want that to happen, and I made the judgement call that it would be wrong to tell you the truth. However, I didn’t consider the pain it might cause you to find out I was keeping a secret from you, and for that I sincerely apologize.”

Nastya replied, “I’m still upset, Brian, but I understand, and I forgive you. Honestly, it was a good call in the beginning, as I would’ve left if I heard your prophecy when I first got back. I just wish you had told me later on, but still. I understand. All I want to know is one thing. ”

“What is it, Nastya?” Brian asked, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. 

“Why...why did you try and help me, even if you saw me leave?” Nastya asked sadly. 

Nastya let her eyes drop down to her feet as she asked the question, as if she didn’t want to look Brian in the eye as she asked. Brian felt his heart break a bit over the fact she felt she even had to ask. 

“Oh Nastya, how could I not? I wanted to help you because you deserved a second chance. I cared, and care, about you far too much to just let you leave.”

Brian saw Nastya’s face crumple, and for a moment he was afraid that he had upset her somehow. When she started to cry, though, Nastya waved away Brian’s apologies. 

“No, no, I promise I’m okay. It’s just a lot. Even before I went Out, I never felt this cared for. Of course I had Aurora, who I loved very much, but I never felt this close to any of the crew. I certainly didn’t feel this close to you, Brian. So for all the pain that I’ve been dealing with since I was brought back…”

Then Nastya began to smile, really smile. Her tears were revealed as ones of relief rather than sorrow as she spoke. 

“I’m glad I’m here. For the first time in so long, I’m truly glad that I’m back here. Today made me realize that. It made me realize how much I need you, and everyone else.”

Brian went over to Nastya and enveloped her in a hug. 

“Nastya, I’m grateful to you too.” Brian whispered. “I’ve always felt like I had no control, like I didn’t matter. You aren’t the only one who has felt like a ghost at times. But you’ve shown me that I deserve to have a voice, and that I deserve to be cared about as well. And for that, I’ll never be able to repay you.”

“Me too, Brian.” Nastya replied. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve given me. You’ve given me a reason to keep on going.”

“And what’s that?”

“You, Aurora, my crew. My family. I’m not a ghost anymore, Brian. When I was the ghost in the machine, I never loved you all so much.”

With that, Nastya stopped speaking, and tugged Brian closer to her. Brian let himself be pulled closer, and just sat there with Nastya. As they held each other, the stars that had claimed them both watched over them from outside the navigation room windows.

\---

The first thing Nastya did after spending a moment with Brian was go apologize to Aurora. 

“Aurora? My love? Are you here?” Nastya asked as she entered the engine room.

Aurora whistled excitedly in response, a million words of affirmation flooding in through her walls. 

“Oh Aurora, solnyshko, I’m so sorry I almost left.”

Aurora dropped down her screen faster than she ever had before, and Nastya had to bite back a laugh. It was always lovely to see Aurora so talkative. 

_ Oh my love, I do want to emphasize that “almost”. You almost left, but in the end, you stayed. And you made the choice to stay on your own! I’m beyond proud of you, and I’m so, so happy you’re okay, moya zvezda. I’m sorry for not telling you about the prophecy as soon I heard about it. I wanted Brian to be the one to tell you, but I still should’ve done something earlier, since I did have my suspicions even before I found out. _

“It’s alright, moya lyubov, it’s alright. I understand why you kept it secret, and I forgive you. I came to apologize to you, not you to me.”

Aurora let out a love-filled whistle that sounded like a sigh, and she picked up Nastya within a tendril of wire. 

_ You should go talk to the others, my love. But just know that I love you so, so much, Nastya _ .

Nastya smiled, because she knew. Even though her relationship with Aurora was still growing back, the solid roots had been planted in the earth. Nastya knew that she could trust Aurora’s words, that she truly loved her. 

“I know, Aurora, I know. Thank you for loving me, even when I was a ghost.”

_ I will always love you, Nastya, whether you are the ghost in the machine or not. You don’t need to hide with me. _

“I know Aurora. I love you so much.”

_ I love you too, moya lyubov. _

With that, Aurora put Nastya down, and she raced off to find the rest of her family. She had some apologizing to do.

\---

“Ashes!”

Nastya raced up to Ashes, who was striding through the halls of the ship near the airlocks. Nastya had been searching all over the ship for them, intending to apologize for not explaining where she’d gone. Before Nastya could get a word out, though, Ashes turned around and nearly barrelled Nastya over in a tight hug.

“Nastya, thank fuck you’re okay. I thought you might go for the airlocks, since I figured you found out about the prophecy.”

“I did go for the airlocks, Ashes, but I’m okay. I promise, it’s okay.”

Ashes held Nastya tightly for a moment, Nastya returning the embrace. Ashes then pulled away, but still held Nastya’s hand firmly. 

“C’mon, Nastya. The others are waiting in the Common for you. I gathered everyone there to figure out what to do if you…”

Ashes’ sentence tapered off, as if they didn’t want to think about the alternate scenarios that might have happened today. Nastya nodded gently, a reassuring smile on her face, and let Ashes lead both of them to the Common. 

When Nastya made it to the Common, she saw the entire crew there, huddled on the couch. This included Brian, who was desperately trying to convince the crew that Nastya was perfectly fine. 

“I promise, she’s  _ fine _ , I was just with her a few minutes ago.” Brian pleaded. 

However, the crew seemed unconvinced. 

“I know you can’t tell a lie, Drumbot, but where the fuck is Nastya, if you really have seen her?” Jonny countered, obvious nerves being shoddily masked by his usual gruffness. 

Brian seemed like he was about to try and reason with Jonny, when he spotted Nastya enter the room with Ashes from the corner of his eye. 

“Nastya! There you are!” Brian cried, obviously relieved.

The rest of the crew’s faces lit up in relief as well. The first to get up off the couch was Jonny, who shot up like a rocket and ran towards Nastya. He hugged her tightly, and held onto her with a quiet desperation. 

“Don’t pull that shit again, Nastya. I was fucking worried about you.” Jonny whispered in Nastya’s ear, furious and caring all at once.

“I’ll try, Jonny, I’ll try.” Nastya whispered back. 

Before long, the rest of the crew had gathered around Nastya as well, holding her tightly. Marius and Raphaella settled themselves next to Ashes, while Tim and Brian gathered on the other side of Jonny. Ivy and Toy Soldier made up the perimeter of the group hug, holding everyone together. 

Nastya felt warm, and she felt oh so loved. She knew each day would be a challenge, but it was so worth it for this. Nastya let herself feel the love of all of her crewmates, her family, and know that choosing to stay had been the right choice.

\---

Wishes are fickle things, aren’t they?

They can be simple ones, such as a wish to be able to make oatmeal in the morning. They can be larger ones, wishes to feel whole again in the face of tragedy. 

It would be foolish for one to assume that the crew of the Starship Aurora didn’t have wishes of their own, deep seated hopes and dreams that they all held onto over millennia. Despite their many debates over whether they were physically human, they were all still human at heart (even the Toy Soldier). Even after so much time roving the cosmos, The Mechanisms still wished for things.

Nowadays, there seemed to be so much that Nastya wished for. They were mainly things she wished she could say. Words had never been easy for her, and even now, in her new life, this fact hadn’t changed. There were many things about her that hadn’t changed, in fact. She was still harsh and cold at times, and she didn’t always understand other people. But Nastya was trying, and that was all she could do, in the end. Try, and try, and mess up, and try again. 

When Nastya spent long evenings in the navigation room with Brian, learning the names of a million constellations, she wished that she could say that leaving belonged in the past tense. She wished she could say to Brian that she was definitively staying without a doubt in her mind. However, Nastya knew that she couldn’t promise that. The airlock would always be part of her life, hovering in the darkest depths of her mind. It would never be able to be erased like a faulty sentence in a book. Nowadays, Nastya wasn’t willing to make promises she couldn’t keep. 

Nastya knew Brian understood this. She knew that Brian would never ask her to change the writing between the lines. This is why Nastya considered Brian her dearest, closest friend. 

So when they were stargazing together, instead of giving Brian a million words she did not mean, she simply looked him in the eye gratefully and said, “Thank you for being there for me. It’s good to know someone has my back.”

And Brian would reply, “You don’t need to thank me, Nastya. You are my friend, and I will be there no matter where your path takes you.”

Then Brian and Nastya would smile, and look to the sky. They waited for whatever the future held, in the knowledge that they’d always have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo hello kids! If you want to skip I’ll understand, but I would really appreciate it if you didn't, since I’ve got a lot of people to thank who really deserve it! 
> 
> First off, the Mechscord. You guys are all so cool it’s frankly insane, and I’ve had such a good time on there with all of you. Thank you for showing me the ropes and being so kind to me. 
> 
> Next, to Yaleymouse, you know who you are. Thank you for giving me my voice back. Your support for all my creations gave me the confidence to share my work with the world, and I’ll never be able to repay all of you for that. 
> 
> Next, Screamzone!!! Chandri, Ella, Jonah, Syl, Alder, Ashi, Yggdrasil, Andrea, Hazel. Thank you all for giving me fantastic advice, fantastic support, and letting me read all the chapters to you guys for both beta reading purposes and my personal gratification. You are all wonderful friends, and I am so happy that I get to know you all. 
> 
> Now, onto person acknowledgements! Remy, oh my god where to start with you. I literally cannot believe how we met (on a TMA server music chat, probably talking about body parts of some sort, in the Remy Ratatouille fashion) compared to how close we are now. Our ethics conversations really influenced this story, and our regular conversations as well. Thank you for being basically my best friend at this point, and for being such a kind, intelligent, thoughtful person. I can’t wait to see what you do creatively in the world, you are such an inspiration to me. 
> 
> Now last but certainly not least, my lovely qpp Oz, who you would all know as trialbyfic. I literally cannot believe we started talking in dms instead of tags over the “Toy Soldier Canonically Fucks T-Shirt” post. You are the person I dmed during the writing of this fic with all my evil, evil ideas, and you are the person who has impacted this babe beyond anything. You are so talented, and so kind, and also hard with me when I need it, which is so appreciated. Everyone thank Oz for this ending, it could’ve been so much worse lmao. But seriously, thank you for being there for me, and thank you for being with me. I started writing this when I first met you, it seems very fitting it’s ending now that we’re together. I care for you very, very much. 
> 
> Also, a huge thank you to everyone who read this fic! It was never supposed to be this long, I thought I’d do 10k, tops. But in the end, it came out to 40k OwO;;; That happened because the response I got for this was unbelievable, and as a result, I wanted to write as much as I could! So thank you, this has been the ride of my life, and I can’t wait to show you all the original stuff I’ve got in the pipeline!
> 
> And that’s that! Comments make my day, and for one last time, stay safe, stay happy, stay healthy! Bye guys!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! Comments are my lifeblood, and I would so deeply appreciate it if you left one! Rest assured, they make my week! My tumblr is yalejosie, feel free to send me asks! Thanks for reading, and I hope to update this soon! Have a lovely day!


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